AIBU - husbands weekends away

[Avamh]

So I've never posted here before so I hope this thread doesn't take on a life of its own! I just need to know how other mums would feel and be in this situation.

In a few months time my husband is off on a stag do, no problem at all...he's best man and I'm happy for him to have a few nights away abroad. He was then bought tickets for his bday/best man gift for a sporting event in London 4 weeks before the stag do. Again, I've been excited for him as it's a big boxing event and I'm happy he gets to go and experience this.

Then, the weekend before the boxing a birthday party has come up which I said I didn't want to go to, but him and his mates are, so it's another night away.

Now today his mum has bought him tickets to another sporting event in London which falls in the middle of all of this. This is a belated birthday present for him but when it was discussed weeks ago I did say but you're already away a lot. If it was me in that situation, I'd of said leave it mum as I'm away a lot already...but it's a US event which rarely comes to the UK...so is a 'one time' thing.

A total of 4 weekends out of 6 he will be away. Not his fault that all of these things have fallen so close together, but when the 4th thing came up today, I was annoyed and not very impressed.

We have 1 year old twins so for him to not be around on the weekend means I'm flying solo, which is fine most of the time as we both have social lives and he will look after the babies if I want to go out too.

We've had a big arguement which I feel awful about, but one comment he made was most wives would just be happy for him and he does admit it's all rubbish timing...I think I'm being pretty chilled about the 2 events, but 3 and 4 are starting to frustrate me. I'm going away for the hen weekend but I will make sure the weekends before and after will be focused on being home with the family.

Would other wives be cool with all of this or would you be a bit annoyed too? AIBU?

single parents adjust to being at home alone and sort out a reasonable routine. some also get weeekends off when ex has them , others just stumble along in a haze of tiredness.

still does not make it right that husbands get to shirk their responsibilities.

Astoria7974 when did I say I couldn't manage the children on my own? I work 3 days a week, then have them on my own the other 2 days, I'm also fine having them over the weekends he is away. I was frustrated he was going to be away so many times in a short space of time and his comment about "other wives"

Your question about why become a parent is pretty mean IMO

Glad to hear you've talked through it. I do think the fair compromise would've been no to the birthday party AND you going with him to the thing MIL got tickets for- assuming she got him 2, why isn't he taking you?

I think the timing is unfortunate however, is not have a problem with this. He is the best man after all, as well. I think time with friends is just as important as family time, so make sure you do something similar with your friends at some stage

His mum bought him the ticket and then his brother bought the other one, they're quite expensive. This morning he has said maybe he can buy the 2nd ticket off his brother and take me instead, so we will see!

I would definitely be sure to repay MIL for her kind gift by giving her something similarly awkward.

Don't have kids and love my own company. . . but even I'd be a bit at this, and the 'other wives' comment would have sent me from 0 to 60

In your case I'd be expecting him to arrange a few weekends where he has the twins alone and you get time out, but I'd accept that the timing was out of his control, but that doesn't mean he can't show a bit of consideration/empathy.

Haven't RTFT but I get why you're a bit miffed. My DH is away a lot, partly because his family aren't in the UK and they need a lot of support at the moment (so don't begrudge him that at all!!) but also weekends away for his (expensive) hobby and he has just buggered off for a weekend ski ing with some mates (who he also doesn't get to see regularly as they don't live in U.K. and a few of them have recently had milestone birthdays). So I don't really begrudge him any of them, and I know that if I wanted to go away and do similar things he would never say no, but the practicalities of me arranging that, as well as having time to see both our families (both long journeys) and spend time as a family and as a couple, as well as our finances stretching to cover all this, as well as leaving him to cope with EBF DD mean that actually I don't get my fair share! I also don't want to spend huge amounts of time away from DD, but just because I don't want to go away doesn't mean I want to be left on my own! Anyway, I've rambled a bit but just wanted to say I see where you're coming from, especially with twins!
Also the "other wives" comment... my DH has no idea that at least half of my friends WOULD have a problem with their OHs being away so much!
Also the military wives comparison... irrelevant IMO. Generally you know what you are signing up for before you had kids and there is more support especially if you are living on an army base etc. Yes it's hard, but not a comparison IMO (a close relative is a military wife so am not talking out of my arse!). Although of course everyone's experiences are different.
Anyway it sounds like he does give you time out too so just make sure next month is all about your free time!!!

I would ask him to take some time off work around these dates so he can take the dc out and you get a break.