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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - husbands weekends away

84 replies

Avamh · 25/01/2017 19:38

So I've never posted here before so I hope this thread doesn't take on a life of its own! I just need to know how other mums would feel and be in this situation.

In a few months time my husband is off on a stag do, no problem at all...he's best man and I'm happy for him to have a few nights away abroad. He was then bought tickets for his bday/best man gift for a sporting event in London 4 weeks before the stag do. Again, I've been excited for him as it's a big boxing event and I'm happy he gets to go and experience this.

Then, the weekend before the boxing a birthday party has come up which I said I didn't want to go to, but him and his mates are, so it's another night away.

Now today his mum has bought him tickets to another sporting event in London which falls in the middle of all of this. This is a belated birthday present for him but when it was discussed weeks ago I did say but you're already away a lot. If it was me in that situation, I'd of said leave it mum as I'm away a lot already...but it's a US event which rarely comes to the UK...so is a 'one time' thing.

A total of 4 weekends out of 6 he will be away. Not his fault that all of these things have fallen so close together, but when the 4th thing came up today, I was annoyed and not very impressed.

We have 1 year old twins so for him to not be around on the weekend means I'm flying solo, which is fine most of the time as we both have social lives and he will look after the babies if I want to go out too.

We've had a big arguement which I feel awful about, but one comment he made was most wives would just be happy for him and he does admit it's all rubbish timing...I think I'm being pretty chilled about the 2 events, but 3 and 4 are starting to frustrate me. I'm going away for the hen weekend but I will make sure the weekends before and after will be focused on being home with the family.

Would other wives be cool with all of this or would you be a bit annoyed too? AIBU?

OP posts:

Oblomov17 · 25/01/2017 21:03

I wouldn't have a problem with this. My husband hardly goes out. If he did this I wouldn't mind.

Disforduster · 25/01/2017 21:04

Speaking as somebody who has one year old twins, it wouldn't thrill me, but I wouldn't say anything or make him back out of anything. I'd just make sure I got the same amount of freedom in return. My DH has had a couple of weekends away since our twins were born - one was a wedding, there was a bit birthday. Both of these were two nights away, very close together. I'm jus planning equivalent weekends away.

I'd say something if money was an issue and he was spending a fortune on having fun and there was nothing left for my fun times.

gunsandbanjos · 25/01/2017 21:05

4 out of 6 sounds really crap. But... it wasn't deliberate and it's 4 out of 52 really, they all just happen to be clumped together which can't be helped.

Parker231 · 25/01/2017 21:15

It's only a few nights over a six week period - can't see why it's a problem. Sometimes things just happen close together. You'll probably find that weekends away that you plan fall close together as well. It's happened with me for work and leisure - some weeks I feel I'm never at home. DH doesn't have a problem as he realizes that sometimes it just happens like that.

Topsy44 · 25/01/2017 21:17

I wouldn't be cool with it. You have one year old twins and that's very hard work. I would be booking a few weekends of my own.

scottishdiem · 25/01/2017 21:47

OP, its unfortunate timing, nothing more. You cannot be unreasonable with your DP but you can at coincidence I suppose. I would have asked that no more for a while and left it that. You were the one to have an argument about it which was unfair on him.

Stripyhoglets · 25/01/2017 21:56

Nah I'd be well pissed off even now and my kids are both at high school. 1 year old twins, he's having a laugh!

Mindtrope · 25/01/2017 22:08

Boxing, stag nights and sporting events.

He sounds a catch.

loopylulu80 · 25/01/2017 22:30

Yes I'd be pissed if my hubby went to the NFL when it comes over without me having now got me into the sport. The present has been bought so nothing to be done.

Just make sure you get a break and he makes sure you get some time away if you want it or at least a little spoiling and pampering.

Original poster

Avamh · 25/01/2017 22:37

Mindtrope he is actually. There's no problem with the events he is going, just the rubbish timing of them all.

We've had a good talk and it looks like he will drop the party as it's something he can easily miss and then do the other 3, he understands why I was upset but having some of the opinions and advice on here helped a lot for me to see that as a one off, it's unfortunate but he hasn't arranged these deliberately.

Thanks ladies x

OP posts:

Mindtrope · 25/01/2017 22:43

Each to their own.

I find nothing remotely attractive about a man who wants to watch two people punch each other about.

Gruesome.

seven201 · 25/01/2017 22:56

If you didn't have kids I'd say yabu but you have twins!! You'll get no break for 4 weekends out of 6. Just the thought of that makes me tired. Maybe you should arrange to go visit family for one or two of those weekends.

TytoAlba · 26/01/2017 04:39

4 weekends out of 6 is a lot of time away, though they are invitations and presents, so it's not like he's arranged them himself. And OP did say that DH takes his turn looking after DCs on his own when she has night out. So, OP, it looks like you and DP support and look out for each other and the unfortunate timing of these events will naturally work itself out evenly.

Obviously I don't know how it was said to you, but there are times when I am happy that DP takes time away with friends and I get some time with my family only, and I know DP feels the same too.

Peanutandphoenix · 26/01/2017 05:03

Unfortunately OP there's not a whole lot that you can do about it it was just really shit timing but I would be pissed off as well if I was in your shoes I think what you need to do is maybe look in to planning 4 weekends away for yourself like a spa weekend or just a nice trip away to visit family and leave DH with the kids that will even things up and it means your both getting a much needed break and then it won't feel like it's all on you to look after your twins.

DeathStare · 26/01/2017 05:06

It's the UFC, which I'm actually kind of jealous he's getting to see without me. He got me into the sport and is now going without me

So why don't you go with him? I assume he has two tickets...

tabithasgran · 26/01/2017 05:13

[ thinking to myself... Really? Just be thankful you aren't a military wife who is on her own for four to six months at a time! ]

He's not taking the mick, it's just the timing and that's out if his control.

Yes it's great to have family time, but don't feel your life revolves around just that alone.

Organise things for you and the twins to do while he's not there so you three have something to look forward to too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2017 05:56

I wouldn't be cool. I'm chronically ill so dh would never do this but even if I weren't, four times in 6 weeks is too much. In any case, I'm glad he's dropped one. Comparing ops situation to that of a military wife or single mum isn't helpful. It's like comparing apples with pears.

Astoria7974 · 26/01/2017 06:37

I think you are making a mountain out ot a molehill. It's not his fault he had all these gifts around the same time. As a parent you should be able to manage the kids for 4 weekends out of the year, otherwise why become one?

chutneypig · 26/01/2017 06:49

It's the comment about other wives that would have grated for me. I have twins, older now, but have not forgotten the early years. I was and am the one more likely to be away for work or leisure and wouldn't ever under estimate the impact a couple of weekends, let alone four, would have.

I'm glad you've had a chat.

Thinnestofthinice · 26/01/2017 06:51

Why is it like comparing apples with pears? Do single mothers have extra energy/superpowers that wives do not? OP if he's a nice man I think you need to let it go. I'd be interested to see the reaction if a woman was told she couldn't go to parties or use presents bought for her on here!

FatCatFaces · 26/01/2017 06:52

It would be ok as he would then owe me four weekends of peace.

TWOBANANAS · 26/01/2017 07:01

I think people should grasp opportunities and weekends away if they can. You should also schedule in some weekends away and have some time for yourself and maybe the two of you together. I don't think he's being unfair, I think it's just unfortunate timing.

Sassenach85 · 26/01/2017 07:34

I think he was being unfair in making out like it was no big deal and you were some sort of failure from wife academy for questioning it.....

Glad you have reached a compromise OP

TheSparrowhawk · 26/01/2017 07:42

Glad you've sorted it. Give him a severe warning about the 'other wives' nonsense though - I'd tear my DH's head off if he said that!

Phalenopsisgirl · 26/01/2017 07:52

One year old twins
When you decided to have children you also made the choice to put your own stuff on the back burner for a bit, no that doesn't mean no social life for the next 18 years but it does mean you have to 'not do that this year' sometimes and pick the stuff that really is important as you don't have the same free time to do it all. I think the fact that he seems to not have realised this means him too is what is bugging you.

I love to ski, I go EVERY year. Except last year because I was pregnant and except this year because dd is too young to make it easy/practical, no way would I expect dh to hold the fort whilst I went off nor would he expect the same of me.
Odd one offs like the stag do, can be an exception as they are once in a lifetime events. The other stuff is just selfish and not acknowledging his life has changed and things have to be different for a while.

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