To be upset DP is going out?

[Kione]

So DS is 3 weeks today, I had a very traumatic labor and I am struggling with breastfeeding and I scored "quite high" pn the PND test so being referred to GP on Thursday. I also think I have mastities and need to see if I can see someone tomorrow.
Needless to say baby doesn't sleep the night and am feeding every 1-2 hours.
DP's friends are going on a curry night and we justbhad a row as DP said he is going and I said I am terrified of being on my own. He is now acting as if I am unreasonable and I feel awful.
I must say he has been the perfect partner, keeping the house running, cooking and looking after DD who is 7. So he does deserve time off. But I think its too early and I can't face a night on my own.
Now he is angry and I am heartbroken.

Urgh it is really hard. I had PND too and no, the feelings are not rational but they are real. He should not be going out if you're feeling like this.

Having said that, he has agreed to change the day of the curry. You need to practise telling him something and not feeling responsible for his response. He might be mardy about it - but he has done it. Try to concentrate on that and not worry about the things you can't control, i.e. his response.

Difficult when you're feeling shit I know. Good luck for tonight. xx

I had PND it was horrible. When are you seeing the Dr is that tomorrow.
The only thing that helped me was reminding myself it was PND and it wouldn't last (and my mum!)

Kione, maybe this has been suggested before, but are you in any position to get outside help, like a doula to stay with you or even a babysitter to watch DD when DH goes out next weekend? I know it's just a temporary patch on a bigger situation, but it may help get you through that evening whilst still giving DH his time with friends.

Yanbu

He should support you. My dh wouldn't have even suggested it at this stage.

I felt like that after my twins were born Kione. I was so worried I couldn't cope properly on my own and I was in a pretty bad state.

In hindsight it would have been better for both me and my husband if we had managed to get some outside help. Our families did not live close and we were both exhausted and ended up blaming each other. Please don't do that! Is there anyone other than your husband who can help? If you can afford to pay for it, it may well be a good idea to hire someone to give you a break occasionally (just an hour or so out at a local cafe maybe, on your own, or with a friend or even your husband).

man needs time out 3 weeks after baby is born and mum is struggling?! For gods sake anyone would think he was the one who had a difficult labour!

YANBU. He should be at home supporting you and helping with anything he can.

You poor thing. I had pnd/ massive insane anxiety at that stage too and the thought of being on my own with the baby (only one, no older sibling) was terrifying. It was 6 years ago but your posts are really ringing true with how I felt. You're absolutely right that it's not you or rational thought making you so anxious - that's what makes it pnd. And I remember only too well how the anxiety would build - for me bedtime (mine) was terrifying because I was so anxious about baby waking up, then in the night I was even worse!! My best advice is to get all the help you can from the dr. I went downhill until about 5 weeks then got hardcore drugs and daily visits from the community psychiatric team. By 11 weeks I was pretty much back to myself again and never looked back. I stayed on the drugs (just ads by that point) for another 6 months though to be sure but never had another problem. Odd days and ups and downs obviously, but the anxiety and crazy spiralling fear didn't come back. For the night out, my best advice would be to try and put it out of your mind until it comes around (tough I know when your mind is in bits). You may feel better by then in which case the anxiety will have been for nothing. You may not, but then the anxiety in the meantime still wouldn't have been helpful, if you see what I mean. You'll cope either way. You might have to count every minute until he comes home, but every minute that passes is one you never have to go through again. I counted a lot of those minutes. Sorry - starting to ramble now. I just really wanted to empathise and sympathise and send you hope that you'll get through this.

What on earth is all this 'needing a break' crap?

He hasn't gone through pregnancy, childbirth and feeding.

He's making dinner and cups of tea and pushing a hoover round. Even on top of his normal job it's hardly brain surgery is it?

He is being thoughtless at best and selfish at worst.

However, OP, I do think the sooner you can get to your GP the better. You shouldn't be quite as upset and worried as you are.
And come on here for support. There's always someone around.

Thanks all. Seeing GP today at 10.30.
Last night was actually not that bad, after all day awake he did sleep between feeds!
I can't really leave him with anyone at this point as he feeds every hour and not well, so often he needs more. He has mild tongue tie too! For which we are also waiting to see the specialist.
I am thinking giving up breastfeeding all together as it is too much. But he got colic on formula (topping up as he is a big baby) on the early days, so I stopped that.

Nothing is easy. I feel a bit better than when I wrote the post tho.

kione, I don't think anyone means leaving the baby with someone. I think most of us mean to have someone in with you to help take some of the pressure off when DH is out.

As a teen I sat with two neighbour children for a couple of hours twice a week and played with them while their mother was still home. She used the time to do things that required her full attention or sometimes she just sat and watched us play in the backyard.

How did the doctors go, @Kione ?

Hope you feel like you can have some support in place soon

But DP is out at night, I don't mind the evening, is the nights I hate and I am not going to ask anyone to be here later than 10pm. I think I was replying to someone that said I needed a break too. Also even if DP comes back at 12 he will be no use until next day. I will have DD (who sleeps through anything) for cuddles between feeds, she'll love that.

Thanks for asking re. Dr. She said they'll keep an eye on me as I was a bit better today, another app next with with her and HV. My boob also is better so no antibiotics but again, keep and eye and call them if its red again. I just want all this to pass and go back to enjoying life.

*week, not with

Personally I wouldn't care my dh went out the night after both mine were born to 'wet the baby's head'. Quite an old fashioned thing I know but doesn't really bother me. But think him going out is not really this issue op, you sound hugely depressed and anxious. Were you depressed before the baby or is it just PND (don't mean just in a bad or dismissive way obviously, just trying to understand). I am not saying anyone is right or wrong but maybe he's overwhelmed too, a new baby and worrying how you will cope if you are really poorly. Where as women are upset men often display worries in different ways IMO anyway. I hope you start to feel better op

I think it depends on how long he will be out for. 7pm-9.30pm, okay, fine.....7pm-2am, not okay.

Its at 7.30 and definitely not back at 9.30, more like 2!
But he is saying "lets see how things go next week".
I do feel better today than when I wrote the post, so yeah we'll see.