To be upset DP is going out?

[Kione]

So DS is 3 weeks today, I had a very traumatic labor and I am struggling with breastfeeding and I scored "quite high" pn the PND test so being referred to GP on Thursday. I also think I have mastities and need to see if I can see someone tomorrow.
Needless to say baby doesn't sleep the night and am feeding every 1-2 hours.
DP's friends are going on a curry night and we justbhad a row as DP said he is going and I said I am terrified of being on my own. He is now acting as if I am unreasonable and I feel awful.
I must say he has been the perfect partner, keeping the house running, cooking and looking after DD who is 7. So he does deserve time off. But I think its too early and I can't face a night on my own.
Now he is angry and I am heartbroken.

matter.

Fair enough he needs a break and was probably looking forward to his night out but you and your baby need him more right now

He needs to suck it up and deal with that.

I get it, I wouldn't want him to go either! As a pp said, you are on duty 24/7 I don't see why, because your dp has pulled his weight, he deserves some special treat that you are unlikely to have for months! Why is it that men are entitled to 'down time' and 'time off' and women are not? I think my DH has had one night out since ds was born! And he's 7 months!

Of course YANBU!! My DH did exactly the same at 3 weeks (no PND but first child and bloody hard!) and I said I wasn't happy at all but his friends were home from NZ for a couple of weeks so we both felt he should. He went 11am-2am and was sick in the night and useless the next day (which I had more of an issue with!!) but he soon learned it wasn't okay with the hangover and when the house was a complete tip and when I wasn't happy. He waited a while for the next night out and now we both enjoy a night off with friends every now and then.

Short answer: explain how you want him to go but are worried. Either tell him to rearrange (there's curry night every week?!) or get someone in to keep you company.

What a dick. You know, it's times when you are at your most vulnerable, that if you are let down - you don't forget.

BTW I can't believe anyone would say YABU when you clearly aren't.

Does he work during the day OP? If so, you have been on your own during the day, so him going out for a couple of ours for one evening doesn't seem such a big deal. Especially as your DD will probably be in bed so you will only have yourself and baby to focus on.

Oh I dunno. I've never had kids but I am inclined to think OP needs time out more than he does. And no excuse for him being arsey.

Op YANBU

I didn't have pnd but I we did have a colicky baby and I could not have spent a evening alone at 3 weeks post partum. You will get to the point when you're hopefully feeling better and are more confident about being alone but don't beat yourself up if you're not there with a 21 day old baby!

There will be time for your DH to have a few drinks and let off steam but it doesn't seem fair that it should be now when you and your DS need him. I know few mothers who formula fed who would be have been ready to leave their babies after 3 weeks.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I hope you find the support you need.

Oh ffs what is wrong with people? I genuinely can't imagine what would make people think it ok to tell a mum of a newborn to suck it up. I despair.

Curry night is about twice a year.
I already told him I wasn't ready and got pissed off. Now I feel awful and lonely. He's not talking to me.
He got pissed off about some other thing too which I don't understand. On the day I need him most.
We where getting on so well.

What's happening during the day? Is he not at work?

It won't be just a couple of hours. He'll drink and be no help the rest of the night possibly next morning.
But I am so upset that he's got angry with me.
Mind, he is now cooking dinner for tomorrow.

Also, if he's working during the day and the OP is getting by, it's even more of a reason for him not to go. Doing an 8 hour stretch with a newborn and later on a 7 year old is one thing, add a whole evening on and it must be shattering.

Making dinner for tomorrow doesn't make up for him behaving like an arsehole.

Has he got form for this sort of thing?

Yes he is at work and sleeps in another room. Weekends he sleeps with me and supports me. I look forward to when he sleeps with me.

You sound very lonely and worried

'Curry night is about twice a year.'

Meh. Having a newborn is considerably less frequent than that. I know men and I'm sure the poor love will be able to persuade his friends to have another night out in a month's time...

I'm mystified by some of these responses. YANBU! I'm sure he'd like a night off, I'm also sure you'd like one too. You have a 3 week old, a 7 year old, PND and have asked him not to go... why the fuck would he not listen?

Form? No, we have never been on this situation before. I am not needy, but I am now.
DD had colic and he didn't go out until the 6th week and she got a lot better by then. But I also was healthy and didn't have PND.

I am, kitty

OP I totally understand. When I had PND I didn't want to me on my own and actually couldn't sleep unless in dh's arms. I know that sounds bonkers but its true. Tell him you want him to stay in he has YEARS of going out with the lads ahead of him.

If I ask he might not go but he'll be arsey all night.

Yes he is at work and sleeps in another room. Weekends he sleeps with me and supports me. I look forward to when he sleeps with me

Oh, you sound really sad op . I hope you're ok. I found it unbelievably hard going from one DC to two. Why can't your dh spend weeknights with you? Does he have a job where he needs to be particularly alert?

Form? No, we have never been on this situation before. I am not needy, but I am now?

Sorry, I wasn't very clear. I meant has he behaved badly towards you in the past?