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Original poster

My Ex is 'bribing' me

41 replies

Exisbribingme · 24/01/2017 10:31

Nc for this.

My Ex & I are going through a very acrimonious divorce. Some time ago we took out a bank loan online. It was in his name, although we both agreed to it & I set it up. All above board.

He has now gone into the bank and said he didn't know anything about it & is looking for them to investigate me for fraud.

I am pretty nearly no contact with him but now he is using it as leverage for contact.

This morning I got this ,message :

"I am prepared to negotiate but you need to call me"
"8.30"
"if you do not call at this time I am going into the bank"

I just feel so sick - I'm not sure what to do.
I did call him & really he is after information on my new life. Where was I this weekend ? Who was I with ?

Just feels like he now has me on a very short string & I am his puppet.

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 24/01/2017 10:32

Contact a solicitor, and don't give in to his demands. It's highly unlikely the bank would investigate since he's only come up with this since you split. It would help to keep records of his threats too, to back yourself up.

scaryteacher · 24/01/2017 10:33

Go in and tell the bank what you have said here. Call his bluff. They will have seen it all before.

KellyBoo800 · 24/01/2017 10:33

Do you have his threats in writing? Pre-emptive strike. Go to the bank yourself and explain (if everything was above board as you said, it won't be a problem). Use his messages as proof.

xStefx · 24/01/2017 10:34

Hun, I bet banks see things like this all the time. They will see "oh they are int he middle of splitting up" he is trying to be mean

Call his bluff: He wont do it and if he does it wont work

Don't stress too much hun. I work in fraud and we see people trying it on like that all the time.

Lweji · 24/01/2017 10:35

Surely the bank was responsible for verifying that it was him taking the loan.

How did you set it up?

CMamaof4 · 24/01/2017 10:37

Get a good solicitor ASAP, and keep any evidence you have of his controlling behaviour, He won't stop once he knows he can manipulate you, Take back control of the situation, A restraining order may be a good idea if he doesn't leave you alone x

Ginkypig · 24/01/2017 10:40

Go to the bank to preempt it.

Contact your solicitor and also the police to get advice as actually I think what he is threatening is fraud I might be wrong though

Also have a think and a look, do you have any evidence such as bank statements, letters, txts, voicemails etc that show he did infact know about the loan or show corresponding payments to show he (and you) were both paying back the loan.

Keep all the threats so you have evidence of them so don't delete and also screen shot the txts

Ginkypig · 24/01/2017 10:43

Also to add to what Iv said above

Yes to what cm said

Do not let him manipulate you. If you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to be scared off. He can't control you if you give him no control.

GinIsIn · 24/01/2017 10:46

How are the repayments made? The bank will have had to verify the loan, and by texting he's put the threat in writing. Tell him to fuck off.

thebakerwithboobs · 24/01/2017 10:49

Laugh in his face a chick a hearty 'go fuck yourself' in for good measure. If it was taken out 'some time ago' he would have gone to the bank when the first payment was taken out if it were fraud. He's merrily been paying it and then suddenly realises it's fraud?? The bank will piss themselves.

Original poster
Exisbribingme · 24/01/2017 10:51

Thanks for all the replies.

The repayments have been coming out of our joint account.

I have kept all his texts & have an appointment at the bank this afternoon.

The no contact has been a joy for me & I just didn't want to go back to square one.

he is beyond controlling - yesterday he knew I was coming back from a long weekend (didn't know where) & I had been delayed (via DCs) so phoned train companies and airlines to find out what had been delayed to ascertain where I had been

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 24/01/2017 10:54

How are they going to prove that?

Presumably his online banking was used, but you just filled out the details? But he either logged you in or you had his login details. Both suggest it was in agreement. He can either admit he wrote down his login details and you used them, or that he logged you in himself. Either way, he's admitting to not taking care of his personal details. Which is not taken lightly.

He hasn't got a leg to stand on. You won't have signed on his behalf so it's basically his word against yours and if you used a family computer then tough tits.

I don't think I'd speak to the bank. Unless you were going to say that it was untrue. If there is any doubt then it could be argued that you are liable - but you have a lot in your court to say you agreed to the loan but it's in his name and you had nothing to do with it.

memyselfandaye · 24/01/2017 10:57

That's not bribery, it's blackmail and illegal I would tell him and the bank you are going to involve the police.

RB68 · 24/01/2017 10:58

me myself - I just came on to say the exact same thing

donteverlookback · 24/01/2017 11:00

This is a total bluff by a narc. A rather stupid one because the bank concerned would not believe that he had no knowledge of it because (as pp have said) he would have had to be present and agreeable when it was set up and because the payments are coming out of a joint account. Ex should have protested at the first payment if he was not in agreement. He is now attempting to deceive the bank.

What an arse.

Olympiathequeen · 24/01/2017 11:01

If he is as controlling as you say I do hope you have good security and alarms and are very wary. I would also seal my letterbox and put up a postbox and make sure I have smoke alarms working. It would terrify me that someone was phoning train and airlines to track me down. That is stalking and controlling men are at their most dangerous when you leave them.

Carry on this the NC. Do it via solicitors.

Twistmeandturnme · 24/01/2017 11:02

Came on to say not bribery but blackmail and saw thatmemyselfandaye has beaten me to it.
Keep everything. Keep every message, every letter. Do not call or speak to him unless you have an impartial witness or can record the conversation.
You are right; it's all about control. Your main protection at this point is that he is going to make others aware of his unreasonable behaviour and out himself.

QuizteamBleakley · 24/01/2017 11:04

It's not blackmail, if he is after information; blackmail is committed with a view to make a gain or intent to cause a loss. Gain and loss is defined as including only gain and loss of money or other property.
Agree with all PPs that you need all your records and text messages retained. At some point has he said that he intends to tell the bank that he did not know about the loan? If so, that's all the evidence you need.

Tell the bank everything, they'll help you. Flowers

CMamaof4 · 24/01/2017 11:04

I don't think he has a leg to stand on as far as the bank situation goes.
I would change my number and just talk through solicitors as his behaviour is completely unacceptable, you don't have to put up with it, so don't x

DJBaggySmalls · 24/01/2017 11:05

Its fraud, go to the police.

seafoodeatit · 24/01/2017 11:07

The level of control he's trying to exert over your life if very frightening, he sounds somewhat unstable, I would definitely get something logged with the police.

Softkitty2 · 24/01/2017 11:09

Also, when he insists on a phone call.. Make an excuse and have the conversation via text so you have proof.. Write everything down. Record phonecalls if u can

Miserylovescompany2 · 24/01/2017 11:11

Get some legal advice OP. Don't have direct contact with him. He's going to chuck all his toys out the pram. Don't react. He NEEDS a reaction. Stay calm. Stay focused. Stay NO CONTACT.

ChBa · 24/01/2017 11:12

We took a loan out online, the bank agreed and sent out forms to sign..... I take it he signed these forms??? so there is the banks proof that he knew about the loan.

cherrycokehead · 24/01/2017 11:12

This is illegal, he's blackmailing, not bribing you. See the police and a solicitor