AIBU to feel sad that I've never done it vertical?

[littleoysterslittleoysters]

The sink bonking thread got me thinking... I've never done it standing up and as a good size 18 with a chunky dh I probably never will....

Its always looked so hot and sexy to be lifted entirely by a fit bloke with your legs wrapped round 'em or possibly supported against a wall... *starts to dream

Am I missing out? Come on fit MNers tell me? Maybe I should have done this in my youth? Surely you have to be fairly fit and it requires a good core?

Is this worth getting down the gym for or not all it cracked up to be? I feel my time is running out...

Use the stairs people!!!

Use the stairs?! I wouldn't know where to tuck the hot water bottle

Back in the day

Mind you back in the day I thought it was erotic to be bent over the sink and being firmly taken from behind while I was peeling potatoes. I'd probably get a bit irate these days.

I have vague recollections of doing this on returning home from a drunken night out, pants ripped off, burning my bare arse on the radiator.

So good to know other people can't work the angles out either. Maybe that is the secret actual reason they teach you Pythagoras' Theorem at school?

. I LOVE Veronica Mars and the bit where her and Logan shag, was a long time coming.

However, she was carrying baby weight and he joked in interviews about getting back into shape for a 'certain scene' so even movie stars struggle.

Looks good on film; bit uncomfortable and annoying in RL.

Hoxton 😂

V fit bloke here too. And I'm tiny. He's a good two feet taller than me and we're in our 20s. Can confirm that it's pretty bloody good. BUT walls are really, really cold when you're against them with no kit on, and it's agony on the thighs. Constantly trying to hold on. There's far too much concentration required.

But stairs, you say.... and the people doing it on work benches and in alleys, I need to try that!

Manumission - i read that as clit banging for hours LOL

The right size pouffe - foot stool - cube cushion or whatever you have similar are a far better sex aid than most things I can think of

If you need some alley sex inspiration, check out Apple Tree Yard currently on the BBC. Some good tips for avoiding cctv/security cameras.

Yes, I snapped his banjo string (sorry don't know a better way to describe it)

I like to joke if we get divorced it's something to remember me by.

Depends on who it's with.
I've done it a few times. A guy years ago he was really fit as he worked out a lot. He picked me up like I was a bag of feathers and rocked my world.
Then there was the ex who thought he was super stud. It was shit but then he was a shit fuck full stop.
Then the ex who was a foot taller. It was hot and miss, but generally the sex full stop was hot and miss. Sometimes world rocked others bored stupid.

Although think the horizontal was best in the train toilet. Could have been a combo of the risk of getting caught and having to have feet on something.

Yes to the stairs as well. And your back to him. On the washer if it's not stable. Shower you need a decent shower head so your both covered and ideally either a decent radiator or during the warmer months. The office chair as well - you know the height adjustable ones, just fix the recline but so it doesn't otherwise you end up on the floor.

Tried it once in my youth with an ex.
Wall was freezing and hard against my back, he was gripping my thighs so hard to stop me slipping down his legs that it was painful, and he had a stumpy willy so it just didn't feel quite in enough to do anything for me. All in all, far too many distractions to make it even feel remotely good.

Shower sex is similar. Far too dangerous with me being a foot shorter than him and me being coordinationallu challenged. Plus we'd fight over who got the warm water on us. Too much effort and not remotely erotic.

In the films it looks great
In reality not so great.

Best thing about it for me was that I realised that dp was someone I could have a laugh with- completely the wrong heights and ended up falling over

The sex they show on films nowadays isnt anything an average woman would want, except for mad one off.

Back in my late teens with DH, we've been together a long time, when I was literally half my current weight. It wasn't up against the wall just him standing with me wrapped around him. It felt great but the problem was that I was holding on for dear life, rather like climbing a pole so to speak, so it was hard work. Oh to be that age and slim again!

Another one with over a foot in height difference to accommodate, plus my dh has seriously long legs. Even a bit of doggy style action takes a bit of geometric calculation... angles! I will add to the list of sex positions how incredibly crap I find sex-in-the-shower to be as well, for the same physical positioning issues with the added fear of slipping and killing ourselves and then there's water spraying in our eyes... Nope, the only truly sexy place for me to enjoy really good sex is our king bed with nice fresh sheets :)

I've only ever done the missionary.
It works for me.

I thought this was going to be about blinds.

Have a go in water, probably best to book a holiday in a villa with a private pool rather than Blackpool beach but the water will definitely help.

You might also want some coconut oil lubricant.

Or get an over the door sling/swing thingy.

Thinks that look great on film are just that, things that look great on film.

Um when people say try the stairs... how do you mean? Surely not lying in them? Do you face the stairs?

I'm not sure how stairs would work i would be worried you would fall.
I have done standing up being lifted back when i was a skinny size 6. It wasn't anything to right home about bit bumpy and it knackered his back even then

Yes it can be very erotic , however the height of partner the main issue, but pool sex is brilliant! The weightlessness is fab, but not in the local swimming pool obviously!