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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sad that I've never done it vertical?

119 replies

littleoysterslittleoysters · 23/01/2017 21:16

The sink bonking thread got me thinking... I've never done it standing up and as a good size 18 with a chunky dh I probably never will....

Its always looked so hot and sexy to be lifted entirely by a fit bloke with your legs wrapped round 'em or possibly supported against a wall... *starts to dream

Am I missing out? Come on fit MNers tell me? Maybe I should have done this in my youth? Surely you have to be fairly fit and it requires a good core?

Is this worth getting down the gym for or not all it cracked up to be? I feel my time is running out...

OP posts:
talkingtoclarry · 23/01/2017 22:06

Up facing the wall, wearing insanely high heels ....

LadyOfTheCanyon · 23/01/2017 22:07

Yes, in an alley in Holborn class and up against a tree in Chatham not much better
First time OH was not much taller than me, which I think helped. Second time I wrecked my arse on the tree bark.
Also did it at work a few times on the workbench which was just the right height for shenanigans. Wink

Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 23/01/2017 22:07

BiBi8

Haha Aw thats really sweet though to try and impress you like that!

OP posts:
FairyDogMother11 · 23/01/2017 22:08

On the stairs is better, same sort of position just more comfy. I couldn't really enjoy myself worrying he was struggling to hold me up even though I was tiny at the time!

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/01/2017 22:08

Picked up is not much fun for more than a few seconds. You have little control and you're either being gripped really tight or banged against a wall to keep you up.

Fit men who can pick you up are kind of hot though.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 23/01/2017 22:08

Agree looks better (e.g. on telly) than it actually is IME however agree with PP that facing a wall is good, as is perched on the worktop or table. Not what you were asking but there you go. Hurry up weekend!

Cagliostro · 23/01/2017 22:09

😂

Wickedstepmum67 · 23/01/2017 22:09

Well, at 5 foot 3, and with an ex who was a good foot taller.....it made for comedic effect if nothing else! I'd need to carry a stepladder in the hopes of pulling, maybe not such a hot look? As with doing it in the shower, it tends to look sexier than it is in reality. But the comments about doing it facing the wall have given me a few ideas! 😈

JaceLancs · 23/01/2017 22:10

Try through the stairs! I have wooden floating open stairs (pity I'm not as flexible of the joints these days)

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2017 22:10

If you've got your arse at least partly perched and you have a tall partner, it's great

TizzyDongue · 23/01/2017 22:10

I don't think it's overrated when you're nimble enough and don't think your partners knees are going to give in. What about you on a table him standing? Easier, less Hollywood misleading misleading.

Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 23/01/2017 22:10

FairyDogMother11

Yeah we do a lot of stairs action... Very handy and a bit naughty. Much nicer now we have a thick ply carpet... Softer on the bony bits...!

OP posts:
girlandboy · 23/01/2017 22:11

Tried it twice. I'm taller than DH and the same weight so it must have been like trying to lift himself and then some I couldn't keep my legs out of the way, his kept sagging and don't forget he's shorter than me anyway. Then he headbutted the wall. The second time was because we'd forgotten the finer details of the first. Big mistake. Won't bother again Grin

Ilovetorrentialrain · 23/01/2017 22:11

Fit men who can pick you up are kind of hot though. agreed! We only managed it for a minute or so before realising not all that good. However if the man is fit enough, wow, could be good?

Manumission · 23/01/2017 22:11

Oh yes zoflora, natch. I forgot I was an MNer and went all "Kim Basinger shags Shouty Tony" for a minute Blush Sorry Dusty.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 23/01/2017 22:11

be careful if you do it in hotel showers, the water pipes are very hot or very cold, so I have been told brrrrrr, or OUCH!

dollydaydream114 · 23/01/2017 22:12

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it; it's crap. The angle is all wrong, you're never compatible heights and you can't get a proper rhythm going.

My first 'proper' boyfriend when I was a teenager had this ridiculous thing about trying it again and again standing up to to 'see if we can get it right' even though it was awkward and unsatisfying for both of us every single time. It was like he thought it was something everyone should somehow be able to do, like a life skill or something. What a tosser.

TizzyDongue · 23/01/2017 22:12

Obviously I've become the slowest typer in the world. Table had not been suggested when I started my post!

Original poster
littleoysterslittleoysters · 23/01/2017 22:12

What about you on a table him standing?

Or the dryer? Thats not true is it about the spin action? Dh is going to think i'm having an affair with all these new plans!

OP posts:
BiBi8 · 23/01/2017 22:12

Yes oysters but I was counting down the seconds until he finally put me down Grin (in my head of course, I never told him I hated it until a year or two later to preserve his ego)

FairyDogMother11 · 23/01/2017 22:14

oysters yes a carpeted stairway does make for a better less ouchy experience Grin

Manumission · 23/01/2017 22:15

Do you have a spin only function on your machine? Otherwise you'll have about 45 minutes to kill.

MLGs · 23/01/2017 22:15

I'm not sure theyre supposed to lift you entirely for the duration of the shags are they?

I think you need to be resting your feet on something ideally. If theres a wall quite near the edge of the bed that works well.

TizzyDongue · 23/01/2017 22:15

Dryer is good, depends how tall he is. One needs to minimise straining when not in ones 20s.

GoldenOrb · 23/01/2017 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.