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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my DH to stop posting such bolleux on sisal media!

119 replies

Boombah · 23/01/2017 13:49

It drives me fucking bananas.

He's almost 50 and behaving like a prat. Today was the final straw (I already unfriended him because he kept tagging me and posting personal photos of the DC and they were public). He also posts check ins I don't want 700 randoms knowing where we are at any given moment.

Today he posted that we were at hospital with a photo of my dd's IV. WTF

Seriously if I catch him gurning (so he can attempt a chiseled jaw one more time I will see red)

He does next to nothing- is a lazy shit and will only come out with us if he can do something exciting or arty to get about a dozen selfies which he posts. WHY?

rant over

OP posts:
StripeyCover · 23/01/2017 19:07

though I admit I have developed a MN addiction! Grin

EatsShitAndLeaves · 23/01/2017 19:07

There was an article about this on the BBC about this.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/37834856?client=safari

Upshot is arguing the rights of children not to have parents "define" who they are by their social media posts and having what they perceive as embarrassing childhood photos available for the world to see.

It may all seem quite fun, but god forbid you are involved in anything newsworthy and all those photos will find themselves in the tabloids.

He needs to a) sort out his privacy settings b) respect other people's boundaries c) learn that it is possible to be a social media bore....most people's lives just aren't that interesting to follow multiple daily posts.

He sounds a bit of a dick to be honest Confused

Original poster
Boombah · 23/01/2017 19:10

Yes mumofthemonsters I used to get. Dry disheartened when I'd see him writing "beautiful" under a female friends new profile pic

Hmm

Wouldn't be so bad but he'd never do that to me or say such a thing in public.

OP posts:
Spice22 · 23/01/2017 19:15

OP, there is a saying "you don't have to like someone you love" but I believe you have to love someone you are married to. Do you love your husband?

bookwormnerd · 23/01/2017 19:17

That's awful. Does he really think people are interested. Have to say when I see it on Facebook I roll my eyes. I would feel like being really mean and taking unattractive photos of him and posting and tagging him. Its horrible he is posting photos you don't want to. I share the odd photo of kids but my Facebook is locked down private and is few and far between.

ohfourfoxache · 23/01/2017 19:18

Boombah I know you don't want to talk about it at the moment, but if you do, you know there's a safe place on here don't you?

Original poster
Boombah · 23/01/2017 19:19

Yes I love him. I hate the way he disregards so much and I loathe how much he takes me for granted.

What's taken for granted can be taken away.

OP posts:
Ohdearducks · 23/01/2017 19:20

Facebook live him while he's on the bog Grin

Dilligaf81 · 23/01/2017 19:20

I was having a similar convo recently about people checking in at a&e. I jut dont understand why. My ds is a regular at hospital abd even family members have no idea how many times he been in unless its relevant im too busy making sure he can breath to update fb.
I mainly use mine for kids activity contacts and to argue with sexist/rascist idiots, its sort of a hobby .

Original poster
Boombah · 23/01/2017 19:22
Smile
OP posts:
DeathStare · 23/01/2017 19:32

Boombah I think you need to take the facebook angle out of this as, in some way, it trivialises things.

This is a man who likes to publicly mock and humiliate you and your children. He publicly shares things that to you are private and intimate. When you explain to him that this makes you feel upset and violated he again mocks you and twists it around so you are the unreasonable one (you're not).

He tells lies about you to make himself look good and you look bad, including telling lies that (could) cause rifts between you and your friends. When you correct him on these lies he publicly silences you (by deleting your comments).

When other people compliment you he goes out of his way negate their compliments and make you feel small and humiliated. In other words, he prefers your self-esteem (and that of your children) to be low and his to be high. Meanwhile he compliments other women.

Your friends (or at least some of them) clearly don't like the way he treats you, and bring this to your attention. When advised by others that his behaviour is disrespectful and unacceptable even simply dismisses these people's opinions as they don't know him.

Boombah this is nothing to do with Facebook. This is a man who likes to humiliate you and violate your boundaries, and does the same to children. A man who then twists your unhappiness and discomfort around to being your problem, rather than actually caring and wanting to fix it. This is not a humorous debate about Facebook; this is man who has no respect for you and your children and who wants to keep your self confidence low so that he can remain in control. He is manipulative, and this is NOT love or care.

Forget how to sort this. You can't. Run for the hills, for your sake and your children's sake.

DeathStare · 23/01/2017 19:37

I should add.... I've posted photos on Facebook before of friends that I think are beautiful photos. They have seen them differently and thought they looked awful in them. I might think they are over reacting but do you know what I do? I take them down. And do you know why? Because my friends' feelings matter more than whether I agree with their assessment of a photo. And because if you care about someone you want them to be happy and feel confident, not unhappy and feeling humiliated (even if you yourself think they are overreacting).

Original poster
Boombah · 23/01/2017 19:50
Sad
OP posts:
HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/01/2017 19:52

He isn't taking your complaints seriously. I think I'd honestly threaten to leave, and be prepared to carry it out. He is humiliating the whole family for nothing.

Msqueen33 · 23/01/2017 19:56

DeathStare has nailed it. Removing the whole Facebook element you're left with a man who humiliates you, mocks you and takes you for granted and doesn't respect you enough to listen when you how his behaviour is upsetting you.

Original poster
Boombah · 23/01/2017 20:09

When you put it like that.

OP posts:
chocolateisnecessary · 23/01/2017 20:11

Can you report his posts of you and the kids? He who lives by the sword etc...

Cherrysoup · 23/01/2017 20:12

DeathStare is currently my favourite poster. Puts it brilliantly and I hope your DH is still reading this, because it's absolutely correct.

DeathStare · 23/01/2017 20:18

Cherrysoup why thank you Blush

RandomMess · 23/01/2017 20:24

Angry it's just awful, why would anyone post unkind things about ANYONE let alone their spouse.

The funny kids the things have done/said I only post if they think are funny!

paxillin · 23/01/2017 21:27

Put selected quotes (minus names) from this thread on FB, share with all his friends?

Original poster
Boombah · 24/01/2017 11:00

Have checked today.
Account is set with more strict privacy settings (no personal photos showing now) and I'm locked out of other social media Confused

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 24/01/2017 11:11

What a twat!

paxillin · 24/01/2017 11:15

Would your friends who have access be happy to print some of the gems? Might make a lovely mural for the downstairs loo. "Checking in at A&E" "Eating porridge" "Looking gormless at the art gallery"

Gymnopedies · 24/01/2017 11:44

He sounds very entitled (pretending he cooked, decorated, etc...), self-centered and likes to put you down. Could he be a narcissist?