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Original poster

A precious cargo!!! Parenting Teens

102 replies

Misteemoments · 23/01/2017 09:32

Hi I know what I should say, I know what I want to say but it's not always that simple.

After 6 years of not missing a weekend there was nothing I could do but request help from fellow parents asking if someone could give my 16 year old a lift home from football this weekend.. the parent I thought was dropping him home didn't, the parent who did regularly drinks 3 or 4 pints!! Then drives. I'm angry and upset If I told my lad not too get in car he'd tell me I was being stupid. If I tried approaching this man he'd tell me to F off as he can be a real nob. The problem is it's mostly dads who drive and most of them think 3 pints is ok to drive - I don't

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 23/01/2017 13:52

It's fine to give your DC a lift to a hobby if you are able to do this. But it is also fine to ask them to use the bus, if there is one available, if you cannot run them.

NavyandWhite · 23/01/2017 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 13:57

Surely there would be a bus route/stop within walking distance? He's 16 not 6? Teach him some self-sufficiency...

Why would there be? Have you heard that there are places outside cities, places with country roads, green fields and not many buses?

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 13:59

am not sure how dc in Uni manage to get around - I was a couple of months past my 18th birthday when I started and I was already familiar with a bus timetable, train travel and using taxis/ bikes and moving independently

Universities tend to be in cities and large towns, hence buses and trains.

Seriously ,some of you are lacking in both geography awareness and basic imagination!

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/01/2017 14:05

Not all Universities are in cities (mine wasn't) and I have lived in villages and towns and cities (North and south). I am now in a place with excellent links to the city by train and a pathetic bus service, I still manage to get around as a non driver despite my poor grasp of geography and lack of imagination, it is amazing I find my way to the door in the morning really.

watchoutformybutt · 23/01/2017 14:07

This is cracking 😂

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 14:07

No but most are and you'd be hard pushed to find any at all not on a single bus route. However several people here can't seem to grasp the simple task that you can't always get a bus anywhere. Is it really that hard?

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 14:08

also you'll note I said cities and large towns. I'd love to know which universities are in rural villages?

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/01/2017 14:17

There are Universities mostly campus based, that are outside of towns - obviously there are bus services - my point is that if you go without being used to using public transport at all, it is a steep learning curve even if transport is plentiful if you have never become familiar with public transport.

Even in my current village where you consult a calendar not a timetable there are bus services - if you are in a smallish village then you have buses to transport children to the nearest secondary school/s as well. Or a service to the nearest town with a train service, that is what I was using as a teenager - buses to the nearest transport hub, then interconnecting with other bus services, coaches, train, tube even tram services. As a young child I would go on a bus up to the moors with my father - often 20 miles on bumpy roads.

It is sometimes necessary to take more than one mode of transport to get somewhere - a taxi/ a lift to a bus stop or train station to then continue a longer trip. If you are not used to that it can be difficult to manage.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/01/2017 14:31

My dh is a person who grew up in a tiny village with a non existant bus service so was transported by parents or the school bus until he was 18 and dumped in a University town. He had to learn fast - it could have been much easier for him. He now has a wife that hates cars and frequently refuses lifts and plans trips around public transport habitually - it has been difficult for him and me to reach and understanding of each others point of view... and I am waffling and completely off topic - so I shall get my coat - sorry as you were Blush

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 14:33

There are Universities mostly campus based, that are outside of towns - obviously there are bus services - my point is that if you go without being used to using public transport at all, it is a steep learning curve even if transport is plentiful if you have never become familiar with public transport

But thats all beside the point if there aren't any buses.
And its not really a steep learning curve at all, certainly not for anyone who can get into university....

blueskyinmarch · 23/01/2017 14:36

I live in a uni town which is fairly rural. There are buses to all the main towns round about but there are lots of small villages and hamlets with no bus links. There is however a good, i expensive taxi/bus service which fills this gap.

EdmundCleverClogs · 23/01/2017 14:45

user1484317265

also you'll note I said cities and large towns. I'd love to know which universities are in rural villages?

Never been to Bangor? That may be a city, but it's a tiny one surrounded by villages and nothing else much. If you don't drive in North Wales, you have to take a bus. No one much cares for hearing whining about a '20 mile bus journey'.

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 14:49

I don't think you are following the premise. Its not about "whining about a 20mile bus journey" its about the fact that there may not be a bus journey available to whine about.So Bangor is not relevant to that point, as there are buses.

Can I say it any clearer for those still failing to understand? SOME PLACE NO HAVE BUSES AND TRAINS.

EdmundCleverClogs · 23/01/2017 15:01

SOME PLACE NO HAVE BUSES AND TRAINS.

What places doesn't have a bus within walking distance? Do you live in this place? I'm interested to know, as unless the OP comes back and says they live on a Scottish island, or in the middle of the Cumbria lakes, I'd be highly surprised if they lived somewhere without any bus what so ever. Even if it means changing several times to get closer to home.

SplendorSolis · 23/01/2017 15:16

SOME PLACE NO HAVE BUSES AND TRAINS

The only buses that come through here are little yellow school buses (rural USA) and if I had a (lesser-spotted non-driving) 16 yr old here I'd feel obliged to transport him to and from activities or arrange transport for him. Drink driving is a pet hate of mine, OP, not unreasonable to be concerned for passengers of any age and I would report this driver. I kind of assumed the Precious Cargo thing to be tongue in cheek but I'll bow to those of clearly far superior judgment than mine as to what is or isn't to be taken literally around here.

corythatwas · 23/01/2017 15:20

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 23-Jan-17 15:01:19
"SOME PLACE NO HAVE BUSES AND TRAINS.

What places doesn't have a bus within walking distance?"

I spend a lot of time going round villages in Hampshire for work. Many of them have a bus service that goes only at weekends, or only one bus each way per day, often early in the morning. Similar conditions prevail in my BIL's village in the Midlands. Neither are particularly remote places. But you could easily get stuck after a match if the only bus goes at 11 o'clock in the morning. And if "walking distance" means 5 miles away, that might still be a bit tricky if you don't know the area, have no map and dark is falling (as is quite likely at this time of the year).

Sparklingbrook · 23/01/2017 15:26

In a year's time you can start worrying about 17 year olds driving other 17 year olds about. Sad Grin

Where we live you can't get a bus to any of the matches the DSs play, they are all in the middle of nowhere.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/01/2017 15:29

As this is a mainly uk based site it is not surprising most responses are based on a provincial uk based experience. Obviously the US is a car based society and as the UK could fit inside some states several times over, the concept of making journeys on public transport or even on foot is viewed very differently - but most 17 yo American children, would be learning to drive or able to drive and lift sharing is very organised, through necessity. It is not like that in the UK where we have a skeletal bus network in most areas. It doesn't run at the times needed of course. The night bus is unheard of outside the throbbing metropolis.

Maybe I am supposed to just agree with the op, say yes that is awful, sympathetically and be a sounding board. I know I want to just vent sometimes and dh starts pointing out what I should have done and I want to simultaneously cry and punch him. So BrewWineFlowers

SplendorSolis · 23/01/2017 15:43

Yes, bigmouth thanks for pointing out the bias toward UK experience on this site but I was already aware of that when I joined up, indeed, as an ex-pat it was one reason I did join up. My point which I clearly failed to put across was that you don't have to live in rural Bumfuck, Egypt, USA to encounter a lack of public transport. 'Get the bus' is not useful advice when a convenient bus service isn't readily available at all hours of the day and night in parts of the U.K.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/01/2017 16:26

Yet still I find people want to point out how shit bus services are and don't use the ones that are available. I use shitty rural bus services, frequently it is me and a couple of OAPs making use of their bus passes. Bus routes need to be costed and if no one uses buses bus services get cut and people complain there are no services and so it goes

Rascallsall · 23/01/2017 17:26

User148.... reminds me of my straight A/A* daughter, who complained that all the buses, in her uni city, were full and that she was having to walk everywhere. Took her at least 3 days to workout that you have to stick your arm out to request the bus to stop 😂 In my/her defence she had caught buses before, but in our rural village if you stand at a bus stop, the bus will stops!

BackforGood · 23/01/2017 18:25

Surely there would be a bus route/stop within walking distance?

Not at most of the away matches my dd plays at.
I am wondering if some folk have missed the point that this was an away match - not a regular weekly place that the OP's ds was familiar with?

BathshebaDarkstone · 24/01/2017 10:48

Where I lived there was one bus a day each way. If you were out late you had to walk home. And the nearest station was in the nearest town, 10 miles away.

corythatwas · 24/01/2017 10:58

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 23-Jan-17 16:26:59
"Yet still I find people want to point out how shit bus services are and don't use the ones that are available. I use shitty rural bus services, frequently it is me and a couple of OAPs making use of their bus passes. Bus routes need to be costed and if no one uses buses bus services get cut and people complain there are no services and so it goes"

Yes, but if you live locally you can plan your journey according to the bus timetable.

Here we are talking about a 16yo whose travel arrangements have suddenly fallen through and who has to get home after a specific time. He may not be in a position to prop up the local bus company.

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