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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was rude of DH during conversation?

58 replies

CrazyDoggWoman · 22/01/2017 08:02

DH, dog and I in car travelling to park. Dog kicking up a fuss because he doesn't like being in his crate. DH tells him off. He starts up again. I tell him off. He settles.

DH and I strike up conversation and it goes like this:

DH: "a lot of airlines are doing really cheap flights around Europe now"
ME: "yes true, but a lot of them ... "
DH: "Stop it! Making such a racket!" (To dog obviously),
ME: "a lot of them only ... "
DH: "anyone would think you'd never been in a car before!"
ME: "a lot of them only travel ... "
DH: "that's better! See it's not that bad is it!?"
ME: "I'm trying to talk to you!!!"
DH: "hey! I know, I'm just trying to settle the dog ... "
ME: "you don't just continuously talk over someone like that! It's so rude!"
DH"I wasn't! Sorry what were you saying?"
ME "doesn't matter now, I'm not repeating something 5 times".

End of convo

NOT an isolated incident. AIBU to have kicked off over this?? My ex used to do it to a worser extent and it used to drive me batshit then. I feel as though I'm so insignificant to people I'm easy to ignore!

OP posts:

Dfg15 · 22/01/2017 08:05

My ex used to do this all the time, drove me crazy. No matter how many times I told him he still did it. Used to do it to our kids too. One of the many reasons he's an ex.

Hamsolo · 22/01/2017 08:06

I guess he could have said "sorry, I can't hear you over the dog", but it kind of sounds reasonable really. If the dog is making a racket, I probably wouldn't have tried to talk over the noise. If the dog wasn't making a racket, then of course it is very weird indeed!

KlingybunFistelvase · 22/01/2017 08:20

Bit mean of him to keep having a go at the poor dog imo. He doesn't like being in his crate, which is fair enough really. I wouldn't like it much either. I get why dog owners need to use them, but I wouldn't get annoyed with the dog for not enjoying it iyswim? But, I digress!

Why did you have to talk to your DH about flights at that exact moment? I'd probably have just waited till the dog had calmed down or we got where we were going. I'm guessing it was only a short journey.

ConvincingLiar · 22/01/2017 08:21

Arguably you were being annoying by trying to carry on through the disruption. Some people can't cope with that type of multi-tasking.

Original poster

CrazyDoggWoman · 22/01/2017 08:22

It was him that started the conversation!

OP posts:

Crumbs1 · 22/01/2017 08:24

Goodness. I do get the impression some people go out of their way to be angry about not very much. Dog was noisy, he told it to stop, you wouldn't shut up twittering on but expected him to hang on to your every word. Sometimes men can do no right.

SuperSange · 22/01/2017 08:26

Surely he was trying to quiet the dog so he could hear you?

LynetteScavo · 22/01/2017 08:26

He explained he was trying to settle to dog so he could hear you.

Wouldn't talking calmly to the dog gave settle him better? I don't know your dog, but I think he's the hard done by one here.

AChickenCalledKorma · 22/01/2017 08:27

I get it. My entire family do this. At the moment I'm feeling like no-one is remotely interested in anything I say.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/01/2017 08:34

Do it back to him. See if he likes it.

Violetcharlotte · 22/01/2017 08:34

My Mum does this. It drives me mad.

Phalenopsisgirl · 22/01/2017 08:38

Some people have trouble filtering sound, he may just not have been able to hear you so was trying to shut the dog up so he could

GinIsIn · 22/01/2017 08:39

Well, I think you are being melodramatic about the conversation - if he couldn't hear you then what is he meant to do? But I think you need to review how your dog travels in the car as it clearly isn't happy.

DameDeDoubtance · 22/01/2017 08:49

He is a man, he made A Statement. Your job was to listen, nod at his wise words.

What were you thinking trying to respond to the point raised and offer an opinion? You only have yourself to blame.

Practice looking adoringly at your husband.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/01/2017 08:53

I think that's just a normal conversation anyone would have with a noisy dog in the car tbh. No rudeness.

2014newme · 22/01/2017 08:55

He couldn't hear you due to the dog. You are being oversensitive.

CannotEvenDeal · 22/01/2017 08:57

Why not just wait until the dog had stopped fussing, even if he did start the conversation? Wasn't he trying to get the dog to be quiet so he could actually hear you properly?

diddl · 22/01/2017 08:57

I think it's difficult to tell tbh.

If the dog was continuously being noisy I wouldn't have bothered with a conversation at all.

Poor dog sounds unhappy though.

Mysterycat23 · 22/01/2017 08:57

Have you tried putting a sheet/blanket over the top of the crate? So all dog can see is inside of the car? Stops over stimulation from bring able to see the outside world whizzing by. /end of thread derail

mumeeee · 22/01/2017 08:59

Doesn't sound rude to me. Your Dh wasn't trying to have a conversation with someone else while you were talking to him. He was just trying to settle the dog so he could hear you

Sassypants82 · 22/01/2017 08:59

If it's any consolation, my DH could be looking right at me 'listening' with absolutely no distraction & doesn't take in a word I say. It's so insulting. He literally cannot repeat back what I've just said. I am made to feel so insignificant & worthless.

He is mortified of course, but it still happens.

MargaretCavendish · 22/01/2017 09:05

I genuinely mean this kindly: the conversation sounds pretty normal to me, and the fact that you see it as such a big deal, and that you've felt this also characterised another relationship, suggests to me that this is something where you're particularly sensitive, and might want to think about why. I really think this might be your issue, and I suspect it revolves around that feeling of 'insignificance'.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 22/01/2017 09:12

What did he do wrong? I don't get it. He was telling the dog to be quiet so he could listen to you. Why would you get narky over that?

Sgtmajormummy · 22/01/2017 09:14

DH works in an all-male environment where shouting each other down seems to be the norm.
As a family we look on dinner times as a chance to get together and chat about our day, relax and wind down. So no TV, kids finished homework, lingering over the food etc.
If he starts cutting in and talking over other people I just make a point of focusing on the original convo or clearly but slowly finishing what I had to say. Then turning to him and asking him to repeat what he said. The same tecnique I use in work meetings.

It's stress related so I do understand but it's also rude and not conducive to a calm respectful home environment. If you talk about it at a quiet time I'm sure he'll agree.

kaitlinktm · 22/01/2017 09:16

If I try to say something three times and am interrupted (for whatever reason) I just stop talking and see if anyone says "Sorry - what were you saying?" They almost never do. If they don't, I just shut up. It makes me feel very low though so I know what you mean.

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