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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was rude of DH during conversation?

58 replies

CrazyDoggWoman · 22/01/2017 08:02

DH, dog and I in car travelling to park. Dog kicking up a fuss because he doesn't like being in his crate. DH tells him off. He starts up again. I tell him off. He settles.

DH and I strike up conversation and it goes like this:

DH: "a lot of airlines are doing really cheap flights around Europe now"
ME: "yes true, but a lot of them ... "
DH: "Stop it! Making such a racket!" (To dog obviously),
ME: "a lot of them only ... "
DH: "anyone would think you'd never been in a car before!"
ME: "a lot of them only travel ... "
DH: "that's better! See it's not that bad is it!?"
ME: "I'm trying to talk to you!!!"
DH: "hey! I know, I'm just trying to settle the dog ... "
ME: "you don't just continuously talk over someone like that! It's so rude!"
DH"I wasn't! Sorry what were you saying?"
ME "doesn't matter now, I'm not repeating something 5 times".

End of convo

NOT an isolated incident. AIBU to have kicked off over this?? My ex used to do it to a worser extent and it used to drive me batshit then. I feel as though I'm so insignificant to people I'm easy to ignore!

OP posts:
TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 22/01/2017 09:35

My DH complains that I do this to him. We can be in the middle of a discussion and apparently I start doing something else or talking to DD. Which makes him feel like what he has to say is insignificant.

If I start doing something else it's something like rescuing the dinner before it catches fire.

If I start talking to DD it's usually to say "don't pour juice in the DVD player," or similar.

I don't see it as being disrespectful of what he has to say. I'm just dealing with something pressing so that I CAN give him my full attention. I've learnt to use the phrase "I am listening, but..." quite a lot!

SoupDragon · 22/01/2017 09:43

Arguably you were being annoying by trying to carry on through the disruption

This.

lottiegarbanzo · 22/01/2017 09:53

He was trying to quiet the dog so that he could listen to you - helpful, interested in what you had to say - surely?

Totally different from conducting two conversations with people, or texting while talking.

Sounds like you are better able to filter out the dog noise than him.

If you were more aware if his inability to listen to two things at once, you'd both have done the sensible thing, acknowledged the interruption and paused the conversation until the dog was quiet.

sonjadog · 22/01/2017 09:58

Sounds like a completely normal conversation to me. But I guess if this is something you are feeling sensitive about, you might interpret it as yet another incident. Maybe you should talk to your DH about it?

lottiegarbanzo · 22/01/2017 10:01

And one could be obtuse and say you were talking over him. He'd uttered one sentence. How do you know he'd finished his introductory phrase? Arguably you interrupted, then continued to do so, as did the dog, while he desperately tried to create conditions enabling him to speak.

Maybe he was about to make a lovely suggestion and now feels demoralised and rejected by your repeated, negative interjections. So you'll never hear it.

He's probably bemoaning his sense of rejection in the face of trying to do something lovely for you, on dejected-dog-owners'-net right now.

user1478860582 · 22/01/2017 10:02

Both DH and exH did this? You're the common denominator then!!

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2017 10:03

Could you not hear the dog making a racket or something and that's why you kept trying to continue ? 🙄

lottiegarbanzo · 22/01/2017 10:04

But yes, a conversation about it, at an optimal time, both listening to each other, would seem the boringly predictable way forwards.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/01/2017 10:15

Both DH and exH did this? You're the common denominator then!!

What an odd statement.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/01/2017 10:15

Sorry, but I think what you did was more irritating.
a dog doesn't know to wait for their turn in a conversation.
So, the adult needs to wait.

And, you 'kicked off'? Bad overreaction on your behalf.

Yabu.

Olympiathequeen · 22/01/2017 10:16

You should know that men can't multitask and it stresses them out.

Drive. Settle dogs and chat Grin

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 22/01/2017 10:19

I'm 50/50 on this. I get that it's annoying when you are trying to talk to someone - especially when they have started the conversation - and they cut off to talk to someone else.

However if the reason they are cutting off is to tell someone not to do something - i.e. the instruction cannot wait (small child about to damage something, dog barking etc), then it's not unreasonable to do so. The polite way to do it though, is to return to the conversation with an apology and an invitation for the other person to continue. It became unreasonable when he continued to talk to the dog with the comments about it not being that bad etc. - those were unnecessary and it was rude of him.

diddl · 22/01/2017 10:24

When you say it's not isolated, do you mean in general or just in reference to the dogs & being in the car?

If the latter, just don't converse in the car when the dog is there!

Ameliablue · 22/01/2017 10:27

I think you over reacted. Sounds like he couldn't hear you because of the dog.

nick247 · 22/01/2017 10:29

OP Are you actually married to my own DH?, he does this all the time. I find a swift " I'm sorry, did the middle of my conversation interrupt the start of yours?" may often do the trick!

HappyFlappy · 22/01/2017 10:46

The dog was getting on is nerve by ignoring him (as dogs do!), but he couldn't see that he was doing the same to you (worse - he should have more sense!)

YANBY.

HappyFlappy · 22/01/2017 10:46

or even NBU! Grin

ThirdTimeLuck · 22/01/2017 11:10

I think YABU and over sensitive - he started to have a conversation and then couldn't carry it on because of the noise the dog was making. Not rude, understandable.

StrangeLookingParasite · 22/01/2017 11:33

If it's any consolation, my DH could be looking right at me 'listening' with absolutely no distraction & doesn't take in a word I say. It's so insulting. He literally cannot repeat back what I've just said. I am made to feel so insignificant & worthless.

Not just me then. It makes me feel like I don't exist.

Niskayuna · 22/01/2017 12:04

If this happens to me I simply go silent. The conversation is over. That means the interrupter has to bring it back by admitting their error. "I'm sorry, you were saying." or "Sorry, I interrupted didn't I?"

Niskayuna · 22/01/2017 12:05

"You should know that men can't multitask..."

Sexist claptrap. Men and women have the same abilities re "multitasking", a made up word generally used to encourage women to take on little shitty jobs that men don't want to do.

happypoobum · 22/01/2017 12:27

Sorry I think you are over reacting really. It does sound like DH wanted to have a conversation with you but then realised he couldn't do that over the dog.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 22/01/2017 13:05

I can see it was a difficult situation with the dog so he was not being completely u on this occasion.

However, it sounds like it's not about this one conversation but that this happens a lot and gets you down.

I get that. It happens to me a lot and makes me feel very insignificant and paranoid that I am boring Sad

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 22/01/2017 13:11

YANBU He doesn't want you to have a voice. My ex did this, except he used to start having a coughing fit instead. One of many reasons why he's my ex.

Zaphodsotherhead · 22/01/2017 13:11

My ex used to do the same as a PP's, be looking right at me, nodding, appearing to pay attention and even responding - and then unable to remember a single word I had said, even if it was quite important. He just could not multi-listen, even if the other voice he was hearing was his own, inside his head.

Git. But some people really can't listen to two things at once. They must find life very limiting, but that's how they are.

And yes, it does make you feel completely pants, and as if no one ever listens.