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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask someone not to walk down a footpath at night ?

483 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 21/01/2017 23:50

We live in the country, at the end of a private lane. This is also a footpath.
For the last few months our dogs have been barking madly about 11o clock at night. We put it down to foxes but I find it really unnerving, especially if dh is away.
One night, just before Xmas, the barking was worse and it sounded like the dogs had got out. It was about 11.30. Dh went downstairs and opened the front door to see if he could see our dog but there was a guy standing on the doorstep. He said that he had come to apologise because he had been walking his dog in the lane and it had got through the fence into our sheep field and he thought it might have chased the sheep . ( sheep all fine in case worried).
He gave dh his card and said that he walks his dog at night as its not good with other dog. From his business card I think he is a bit of a techy up late at night gamer type anyway, who probably doesn't find it weird to be walking at that time.
Since then we have realised that it's his walking down the lane that upsets the dogs as they bark, shut up and then bark again in the amount of time it would take to go past the house to the end of the lane and then back again.
I have his email address, do you think it ok to send him a polite message, just explaining how much this freaks me out and ask him to not walk past the house after a certain time, pretty please ? There is a big field , with a footpath in it, just before the start of our drive so it's not like he couldn't walk anywhere, just not the ten minute walk up the lane past the house and back. Obviously I appreciate I can't stop him, just point out its a bit antisocial?
Am I being precious ? It just really scares me ( and dd)

OP posts:
xenoyia6060 · 24/01/2017 20:49

You need to train your own dogs to stop barking. I'm sorry but I think you are being very unreasonable and have absolutely no right to stop anyone walking on the footpath. Your dogs are at fault and i'd be very suprised if this man didn't respond and say you had no right to ask him to change his walk.

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 21:04

We've just moved and our neighbours came round a couple of weeks in and asked us if it would be any trouble for us to turn our kitchen lights off at night as they shine directly into the neighbours bedroom window (despite shades on both sets of windows).

Of course we have the right to leave our lights on all night. The neighbours could get blackout curtains. But actually it's no problem for us to use a different light (we want the stairs and hallway lit at night), so that's what we do.

I really have no idea why it would be a problem for them to have asked. How it could in anyway be inconsiderate of them to see if it was a problem, even though they could have spent money solving the problem without talking to us.

If they'd told us we had to do it, or suggested we remove our kitchen lighting, or something, then I might have been on here posting about how barmy they are. But they asked us if it would be any trouble, and it isn't. How much nicer for them and us to live in a world where a bit of communication can solve problems with no expense or inconvenience for anyone.

Chelazla · 24/01/2017 21:20

Boom boom you have brought common sense and good manners back! Woo hoo!

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 21:24

Boom - that's a completely different scenario because it's not their light which is disturbing them, it's yours. If it was his dog which was barking then they would have more of a leg to stand on, but it's not and he is entitled to use the path in the same way everyone else is.

Wonder what Mr Late Night Dog Owner would make of this thread Grin

Chelazla · 24/01/2017 21:30

He'd probably think " why didn't she ask"!

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 21:31

Boom, you're not really following, are you? This scenario is more like if they wanted you to move a large mirror in your house because it was reflecting their own big security lights in at them....when what they should be doing is turning off their bloody lights!

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 21:32

I meant what would he think if he knew he was the subject of a MN thread? Who knows what he'd think of her email Smile

ArgyMargy · 24/01/2017 21:33

Why on earth would anyone leave their kitchen lights on overnight?

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 21:39

SirChenjin and user, I offered up my anecdote because it was true, and because it enshrined what I found to be the essential issue - that by talking we found a solution that worked for everyone without anyone being at all inconvenienced or out of pocket. I wouldn't have had any problem with moving a mirror in the scenario user suggests either, assuming neither their security lights, nor moving my mirror made any difference to me.

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 21:43

Thinking about it, the same neighbour asked us to put their bin back for them the 3rd day we were in the house because they were off on holiday. Maybe they should have cancelled their holiday or let their rubbish fester for a fortnight instead of having the audacity to see if a neighbour would kindly wheel it ten yards?

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 21:44

And thats ok, sometimes. Not all the time. Not for every problem or whim you have. If someone is truly impacting on you and there is a fix available, that is one thing. If you want everyone else to deal with problems that are yours to fix, that is another.
Can;t you see the difference? OP wants someone else to change because she can't be arsed to deal with her own dogs.

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 21:45

I'm sure it was true - O have no reason to doubt you! I was simply pointing out the your actions were affecting their sleep (surprised it didn't dawn on you that might tbh, but we all make mistakes Smile), whereas the OPs dogs barking is affecting her sleep - and that's up to her to remedy, not the dog walker. Just as it would have been your neighbours responsibility to turn that mirror round.

LouisevilleLlama · 24/01/2017 21:54

YABU and I also hate when people say about getting DH to do it as obviously if you need DH to do talk to someone to do something you're scared or lazy or whatever but willing to put your DH in that position

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 21:57

No. I really don't see a difference between my neighbour's requests and the OP politely enquiring of the one person who uses the footpath at a time when her dogs are trained to be suspicious of activity nearby if it would be no trouble for him to avoid it. It's one possible solution, it's a quick and practical one. It may not work because he may, for whatever reason continue and the OP will have to live with it. But I can't see how it is in anyway unreasonable to ask.

All this talk about training the dogs - what exactly is involved in training guard dogs to bark for strangers approaching at night except for one particular stranger? Is that even possible?

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 21:58

Well then we'll have to disagree. I think the OP knows its unreasonable to ask though as she needs someone else to do the asking for her!

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 22:05

You honestly don't see the difference between your actions causing your neighbours to be kept awake and the OPs dogs causing her to be kept awake?

In that case, I'm with user

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 22:06

SirChenjin - The neighbour should move my mirror around if their lights are reflecting off it? I assume you mean they should move their lights? Certainly if it's not much trouble for them to do that, I'd agree. But if the lights are set and would need replacing, or if they need them pointing in that particular direction for a good reason, then asking me if it's no trouble to move the mirror would seem to be a sensible thing to enquire about.

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 22:07

No, the mirror scenario that user posted at 21.31

northernmonkey1010 · 24/01/2017 22:13

Just send the email I just want to see what happens I think the OP is wrong but I just want to hear the mans reaction to this ludicrous request

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 22:21

SirCh Yes. That mirror scenario" This scenario is more like if they wanted you to move a large mirror in your house because it was reflecting their own big security lights in at them

My mirror, in my house. Their security lights reflecting off it. You think it's their responsibility to come into my house and move my mirror? Is that with or without asking me?

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 22:28

No, it would be their responsibility to move the security lights so that they didn't reflect off your mirror and keep them awake. They are being kept awake by their lights - not your mirror.

Think of their security lights as the OPs dogs and the mirror like the bloke.

SawdustInMyHair · 24/01/2017 22:28

It doesn't matter how politely the OP asks, asking someone (who gave you their contact information for another purpose) not to use a footpath beacuse her own dogs are badly trained can't be anything other than unspeakably rude. At the least you'll make him horribly uncomfortable.

Dare you to do it, though. Hope he tells you where to go!

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 22:29

You really aren't following at all!

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 22:30

And on that note I'm off to bed - and hopefully I shall not be disturbed by my neighbours' car headlights or or local dog walkers or else there will be emails, mark my words Wink

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 23:13

User who isn't following?

You proposed the security light scenario at 21:31. SirCh suggested the neighbours should turn the mirror at 21:45. I suggested that perhaps SirCh meant the neighbour should move their security lights at 22:06 and SirCh said "no" at 22:07. I restated what SirCh was implying at 22:21 and then SirCh said "No, it would be their responsibility to move the security lights.."

That's really not someone not following things. It's just a bit of miscommunication.

So back to my response at 22:06 - if it's a huge pain for them to move them and they have a reason to have the lights, then why not ask and see if it's no trouble for me to move the mirror? What on earth is wrong with that.

I'm also not seeing how the dogs are badly trained. Is it even possible to train guard dogs to bark at strangers approaching at night except for one particular stranger? How do you do that?