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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask someone not to walk down a footpath at night ?

483 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 21/01/2017 23:50

We live in the country, at the end of a private lane. This is also a footpath.
For the last few months our dogs have been barking madly about 11o clock at night. We put it down to foxes but I find it really unnerving, especially if dh is away.
One night, just before Xmas, the barking was worse and it sounded like the dogs had got out. It was about 11.30. Dh went downstairs and opened the front door to see if he could see our dog but there was a guy standing on the doorstep. He said that he had come to apologise because he had been walking his dog in the lane and it had got through the fence into our sheep field and he thought it might have chased the sheep . ( sheep all fine in case worried).
He gave dh his card and said that he walks his dog at night as its not good with other dog. From his business card I think he is a bit of a techy up late at night gamer type anyway, who probably doesn't find it weird to be walking at that time.
Since then we have realised that it's his walking down the lane that upsets the dogs as they bark, shut up and then bark again in the amount of time it would take to go past the house to the end of the lane and then back again.
I have his email address, do you think it ok to send him a polite message, just explaining how much this freaks me out and ask him to not walk past the house after a certain time, pretty please ? There is a big field , with a footpath in it, just before the start of our drive so it's not like he couldn't walk anywhere, just not the ten minute walk up the lane past the house and back. Obviously I appreciate I can't stop him, just point out its a bit antisocial?
Am I being precious ? It just really scares me ( and dd)

OP posts:
ovenchips · 24/01/2017 14:16

Crikey at this thread!

OP I think the issue is whether you would be asking or telling the man. Seems to me you would be asking.

As long as it was clear you were asking as a favour, I don't see any harm in emailing him. Then he can choose to do it or not. Hopefully, he will agree to your request.

Also, if it is the light from the torch (which is still visible despite your curtains) that is setting your dogs off, it might be worth getting a blackout roller blind. Then you could just pull it down when you are going to bed. They are inexpensive to buy and unobtrusive when not in use.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 14:19

What's wrong with politely asking him? If someone asked me the same politely I'd alter my dog walking route

So we can all ask people to change their ways to suit us, even when its out own dogs or whatever that are causing the problem?
Ok, I'll ask the people on the bus to stand because I prefer to have the seat next to me empty. What's wrong with politely asking, right? I'll ask to go to the front of every queue I'm in, because what's wrong with politely asking, right?

No. You can't just politely ask for everyone else to fall in to make the world the way you would prefer it, that isn't how life works.

trevortrevorslattery · 24/01/2017 14:25

user1484317265 Hmm

Yes, you can politely ask for anything you like! The way life works is that not all of your polite requests are granted, but some of them might be.

No-one's suggesting that the OP can take any enforcement action or can make the man change his route if he says no, but to be so hardline against a polite request seems VU.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 14:36

Yes, you can politely ask for anything you like! The way life works is that not all of your polite requests are granted, but some of them might be

A lot of people are not good at saying no to polite requests, even when they should. They think they need to say yes to be polite People who think its ok to ask for anything they want in this way know that.
You're just manipulating people, taking advantage of other people being nicer and more considerate than you.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 14:37

BTW, when I say you can't...obviously you can. But it makes you an awful tit. What I mean to say is that you shouldn't.

krustykittens · 24/01/2017 14:38

For goodness sake, I live in a rural area. I do a non-rural job and I am bit of a night owl so tend to be awake when my dairy farming neighbours are asleep, as many of them start work around here at 4am. We all have dogs as rural crime is an issue, especially if you have machinery on site and if my nocturnal dog walks were disturbing their sleep, I would have no issue with taking a different route! It's all about living together peacefully. My neighbours are very accommodating people, I have no problem being the same way. Not using a particular right of way at a particular time of night does not infringe my rights in any way - the OP is not asking the man not to walk there at all! User, the examples you have just given are unreasonable, although I have seen plenty of people ask if they can go to the front of queues for all sorts of reasons, like being very elderly and having trouble standing in a queue for boarding or being late for a flight. I was once told to go to the front of the queue in a ladies toilet by a lovely older woman who recognised how desperate I was for the loo and shouted up the queue, "Pregnant girl about to wet herself coming through!" I didn't even ask. Not one person in the queue asserted their right to be first and I was saved from embarrasing myself in public. See the difference? People waiving their rights on occasion to be nice and make someone else's life a bit easier. There is nothing wrong with that and no one suffers as a result. I could have kissed the women in those loos that day!

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 14:43

None of that means its ok to ask other people anything you like.

OP's main problem is HER dogs are barking and disturbing her. The solution is for her to stop her dogs barking, not ask other people not to walk past her dogs.
I'm amazed anyone needs this explaining!

FrancisCrawford · 24/01/2017 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoobleMcB · 24/01/2017 15:42

DID YOU SEND THE EMAIL?

BoobleMcB · 24/01/2017 15:42

Sorry about caps 😂

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 15:51

"Pregnant girl about to wet herself coming through!" I didn't even ask. Not one person in the queue asserted their right to be first

You have assumed so many things there. Firstly, it wasn't a request, was it? A very confident woman has made a statement in which the implicit meaning is 'get out of the way'. Secondly, people did not "waive" their rights voluntarily - they were put on the spot and were effectively silenced into giving up their place. They may have wanted to, but equally they may have been desperate for the loo too but a)didn't want to admit that to the rest of the queue and b)didn't want to appear churlish. I would ask you to consider this though - my teenage DD has serious IBS. She could have been standing in that queue, in terrible pain, concentrating very hard on not soiling herself. There is no way she would have spoken up - she finds the whole thing very embarrassing, and would rather have suffered in silence that spoken up.

So no - people do not always waive "their rights on occasion to be nice and make someone else's life a bit easier", they do it because they feel embarrassed or that they somehow feel they should because somehow has asked/requested/instructed.

And quite why you left it until you were about to wet yourself I'm not sure - it's not as if the loo or you were going anywhere.

festivefucker · 24/01/2017 16:07

This all getting ridiculous, people have the right to ask! , just as people have the right to say no!

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 16:10

Just as people have the right to walk unquestioned on a public footpath at whatever time of the day or night they so choose!

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 16:17

You don't have a right to not have anyone talk to you in public. That's just not a right that exists in any recognized moral or legal treatise. In fact stopping people from talking to others in public is much more commonly seen as a breach of rights.

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 16:23

If someone is threatening, or abusive, or I simply don't want to talk to them then I will exercise my right to walk away. I'm prepared to take my chance in court, if they wish to pursue it.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 16:25

No-ones trying to stop anyone talking to people in public,don't be so silly. Hmm

Normal polite people don't go around asking everyone else to make their lives easier at the expense of those being asked.

Chelazla · 24/01/2017 17:20

It's all got a bit silly! I think I'm a nice person, if someone asked me to slightly adjust my route to make their life easier I would. IF they did it it nicely which op seemingly will do. He can say no, don't really see a problem!

RhiWrites · 24/01/2017 17:22

I never did get an answer to my question about the OP training her dogs. Hmm

I said: 22/01/2017 14:45 RhiWrites

OP, why don't you train your dogs to understand this chap isn't a threat. Have him round, introduce him and his dogs. Do whatever dog owners to to distinguish between DANGER and "that's just Bill walking his dog".

If the dogs are trained to be guard dogs you must have had to teach them what's nothing to worry about. "Don't worry dog, that's the postman" and so on.

northernshepherdess · 24/01/2017 17:25

Remember.. there maybe consequences to asking...
He's obviously a decent fellow but.. he may not be so friendly if he takes it badly.
He might decide that you are being unreasonable... I think yabu. .. and he may decide to do his 3 am walk past your house too.
For the record... its not op's job to stop dogs roaming... only to stop her sheep roaming. She only has to keep her livestock in. It is dog owners job to keep his livestock out.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/01/2017 18:13

"Gwenhwyer "should be trained out of it" hilarious. Dogs trained out of barking. What next cats trained out of meowing 😂 dogs are suppost to bark and WILL bark if they think someone is a threat to their owners or property"

Not all do Gemma and they shouldn't be encouraged to be aggressive. A quick google will show you plenty of websites with guidance on how to stop your dogs doing this.

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 19:21

SirChenjin - of course. Even if someone isn't being abusive or threatening. If they're just boring. Or you aren't interested in conversing. You can just walk away. I'm just saying, - you have a right to walk in public, other people have a right to talk to you, you have a right to walk away, or ignore them. Those are all rights. But you don't have a right to walk unquestioned. There is no such right. You don't have to justify yourself. But you don't have a right to stop people asking. The OP isn't abusing anybody's rights by asking someone if they would do something for her. Just as the man walking his dog isn't abusing anybody's rights by walking there and the OP has never said he was.

There is no rights abuse going on here!

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 19:30

I never said there was any rights abuse here Confused. However, he does have a right to walk unquestioned along a public footpath - unless there are conditions of use that he's breaching (and in this case he isn't).

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/01/2017 19:40

No he doesn't. He has a right to walk there, but anyone can question him, just as he can ignore any questions.

SirChenjin · 24/01/2017 19:59

No he doesn't- it's a public footpath and unless he's breaching any terms of use (which he isn't) then he has a right to go about his merry way.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 20:27

No he doesn't. He has a right to walk there, but anyone can question him, just as he can ignore any questions

Oh come on! Can you imagine if your neighbour knocked on your door and said, very politely "Every evening when you come home from work, my dogs bark a lot. Can you please take a different route home so you don;t upset my dogs? I suggest you use the back lane and go in your back door instead. Thanks so much"

Polite, yes. Bonkers, undoubtedly. You'd be on aibu posting about your crazy neighbour before you had your coat off.

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