Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask someone not to walk down a footpath at night ?

483 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 21/01/2017 23:50

We live in the country, at the end of a private lane. This is also a footpath.
For the last few months our dogs have been barking madly about 11o clock at night. We put it down to foxes but I find it really unnerving, especially if dh is away.
One night, just before Xmas, the barking was worse and it sounded like the dogs had got out. It was about 11.30. Dh went downstairs and opened the front door to see if he could see our dog but there was a guy standing on the doorstep. He said that he had come to apologise because he had been walking his dog in the lane and it had got through the fence into our sheep field and he thought it might have chased the sheep . ( sheep all fine in case worried).
He gave dh his card and said that he walks his dog at night as its not good with other dog. From his business card I think he is a bit of a techy up late at night gamer type anyway, who probably doesn't find it weird to be walking at that time.
Since then we have realised that it's his walking down the lane that upsets the dogs as they bark, shut up and then bark again in the amount of time it would take to go past the house to the end of the lane and then back again.
I have his email address, do you think it ok to send him a polite message, just explaining how much this freaks me out and ask him to not walk past the house after a certain time, pretty please ? There is a big field , with a footpath in it, just before the start of our drive so it's not like he couldn't walk anywhere, just not the ten minute walk up the lane past the house and back. Obviously I appreciate I can't stop him, just point out its a bit antisocial?
Am I being precious ? It just really scares me ( and dd)

OP posts:
Baylisiana · 23/01/2017 19:57

If I understand the details correctly he has every right to walk there. Having said that if I was causing any disturbance and it could be rectified with no inconvenience to myself, I would prefer to know and wouldn't mind altering my walk. It would be different if walking past you was an access route to the rest of his walk, but it is a few minutes of dead end street.

If this is really bothering you and you can't get over it, I think it would be ok to ask politely. If I were asking I would say that if it is going to inconvenience him it is fine for him to carry on, no big deal etc....with the hope that he will take the hint but covering yourself a bit so there isn't too much bad feeling if he doesn't. Or go with the suggestion to check if it is him due to the dog noise, as if so long as you know it is him it is not so bad, and again hope he takes the hint. I don't think he is being antisocial at all, but I also think there is room for give and take as well as the letter of the law.

a1poshpaws · 23/01/2017 19:58

I sympathise, as we bought our property not knowing a disputed right of way ran through it as well as an "agricultural access" right, but sadly there isn't anything you can do .. it's the guy's right to walk his dog when and where he chooses in public places. He actually sounds like a good guy, contacting you re the sheep - so I think you should just accept that it's him you hear, and stop being scared at the same time every night. At most, you could ask him to ring you before he sets out, but frankly, I think that would be an imposition.

SirChenjin · 23/01/2017 20:02

Is he attractive and educated? You and husband might make friends with him. You don't know when the man can be of help to you

Say what? ConfusedGrin

JulesJules · 23/01/2017 20:05

Blimey, don't understand why people are giving the OP such a hard time.

This man let his dog get loose among her sheep. Farmers are perfectly entitled to shoot the dog for that.

YANBU

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/01/2017 20:05

OP I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking politely, so long as your'e aware he doesn't have to agree and you don't try to make him think he does. I can't understand the mindset of some of the people here who seem to think there is no room for cooperation and consideration in day to day life. What a sad way to build community.

hollyisalovelyname · 23/01/2017 20:06

I wouldn't be telling him that your dh is away quite a bit.

Portillolovestrains · 23/01/2017 20:09

He didn't gaily 'let' his dogs terrorise the sheep, jeez why do people re write history?

Portillolovestrains · 23/01/2017 20:10

It is sad, it goes both ways though doesn't it. The poor man has explained why he needs to walk late at night.

GColdtimer · 23/01/2017 20:15

What baylisiana said.

Not sure why OP is getting such a hard time. It's not like she is demanding anything of him, just asking if it would be possible to take another route. He might be totally fine with it. I can see why she wouldn't want to train her dogs out of barking at strange noises at night when she is on her own in a rural area. As long as she asks in a "I know this could be an unreasonable request" type way.

Not sure why everyone has piled in quite so aggressively.

GColdtimer · 23/01/2017 20:20

Boom totally agree.

JulesJules · 23/01/2017 20:26

He was not in control of his dog and it got into the sheep. He should have had it under control and on the lead around livestock. Makes no difference if he 'let' the dog 'gaily' or otherwise, that is a criminal offence.

Livelovebehappy · 23/01/2017 20:28

Are there other walkers using the footpath during the evening? Where do you draw the line? Are you going to challenge everyone the same way? What's happening is that before long the path is going to become a no-go area for anyone after dark, which of course is totally unreasonable. You can't ask one person to avoid using the footpath, whilst not mentioning it to others.

Portillolovestrains · 23/01/2017 20:28

Yes, I think most people are aware of the law. He didn't 'let' it. It got through unsecured fencing, he apologised and left his contact details.
Hardly the actions of an iresponsible townie as you are trying to portray him.

PerspicaciaTick · 23/01/2017 20:30

The OP would never have known the dog had even been in the field, if the owner hadn't stopped to let them know,

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 20:39

"she was just thinking of politely asking him if he could alter his walk."

Well the answer to that is yes he could alter his walk, but why the hell should he? He will either do, as I would, and walk even more on the path. I think I would do many trips just past your house to annoy you, or if he's a gentler kind of person will feel too uncomfortable to do the walk any more and end up having to change his route, which is completely unreasonable.

Why doesn't OP stop her dogs barking at people??!!!

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 20:41

" just asking if it would be possible to take another route."

Well no, she's not asking if it's POSSIBLE to take another route is she as it obviously is possible, she's ASKING HIM TO take another route, which is completely unreasonable.

Stolengoat · 23/01/2017 21:47

Op, YABU. First you tell us you are all in bed asleep at 10pm, that is except for your son, who is up till 3am playing computer games, oh, and you driving down the lane behind the man who can't hear you, as he is wearing headphones. You sound very entitled. It sounds like you only posted here because you thought you were right and clearly don't want to here anyone who disagrees with you.

HoneyBeeMum1 · 23/01/2017 22:15

I don't think this man needs to do anything different and you would be totally unreasonable to suggest he does.

Your barking dogs are the problem. Even if their barking didn't bother your family, you are responsible for ensuring they don't bother anyone else.

Either get them trained not to bark, or move them to somewhere they won't bother passers-by.

Nowabruptly · 24/01/2017 00:04

There's never any harm in asking someone something like this if you do it politely and diplomatically. You're just asking a favour really and they only have to say no if they don't want to do it. Being able to talk about these kinds of things is often the key to living happily alongside your neighbours in the town or the country I think. I can't understand why so many people are so appalled!

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 00:18

There's never any harm in asking someone something like this if you do it politely and diplomatically

There really is though. Many people will feel like they have to comply, because they have been asked, and then you are taking advantage of the fact that they are far nicer and politer than you are!

FrancisCrawford · 24/01/2017 05:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 24/01/2017 06:38

Say for example the man has anxiety issues, or insomnia. The walk down a quiet road makes him feel safe as it's a route he regularly takes at that time.
He gave you his contact details not as, 'Hey pretty woman, drop me a line!' But to reassure you that he's not a total psycho, he wants you to feel comfy with him being there. Plus he was nice enough to say, 'Really sorry my dog may have disturbed your sheep, hope they're OK!'
In all reality if known man is walking down there, he spots something dodgy, he's going to come to your rescue, or at least be able to say oh I saw this, thought it was odd just to let you know.
The real issue is your dogs barking, ok they're a good type of security in a way, but CCTV and/or security lights near equipment would be better.
He could be a star gazer, he could enjoy the peace and tranquility. He gave you a brief explanation that should have sated any concern. Emailing him might get you more attention than you hope for, suddenly finding all and sundry down the lane near your house, as he shares your email with friends etc.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/01/2017 07:42

"There really is though. Many people will feel like they have to comply, because they have been asked, and then you are taking advantage of the fact that they are far nicer and politer than you are!"

Exactly, and I've made the point before. It puts the man in a very difficult situation. Either he's too nice and he agrees to the unreasonable request, which is really unfair, or he doesn't agree and then OP's created a lot of unnecessary tension. I won't say here what I think of people who don't respect rights of way.

BWatchWatcher · 24/01/2017 07:47

The dogs are barking to protect her. She lives in a quite isolated area.
I think you're fine to ask the man not to walk there late at night OP. I wouldn't want someone traipsing that near my house either late at night.
Or... get a penguin bollard...

Gwenhwyfar · 24/01/2017 08:23

BWatch - she doesn't need protecting from that man. The dogs are causing a nuisance. It's like people whose dogs bark at postmen. The dogs believe they're protecting their owners when in fact they're not doing anything helpful and they should be trained out of it.

Whether you want people walking by your house is irrelevant isn't it? I might not like anybody being on my street, but they have a right to be on it so why would I ask them not to?

Swipe left for the next trending thread