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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually be really irritated by this male friend now

118 replies

Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 19:46

Met him through a mutual friend. Known him a year now.
Whenever im out with friends he makes a massive point of telling me how much he fancies this girl/the waitress/the receptionist/the dancer on stage/any reasonably attractive woman under the age of 35. He does this almost every 5 mins while he's talking to my friends and I.
He also ramps up his flirting with said women directly in front of me throughout the entire evening.

I have now taken to being out of his line of sight where possible to avoid the immature antics.

He does not do this once I'm not where I can see him (reliably informed of this information). Everyone has noticed and commented on it so if he thinks it's going unnoticed he is wrong.

What on earth!!??! I've neither rejected him nor flirted(not intentionally anyway)!!!! I've just been pleasant.

He's single. I'm single. But that doesn't mean I want to jump his bones.

I have come to a conclusion:

He thinks I fancy the pants off him and is very clumsily going about letting me know he's not up for anything. But I'm sure I've never flirted but must have given that impression 😡

I'm quite bubbly and happy which is mistaken for flirting a lot. But still, I've never flirted, teased him or physically touched him so it's unreasonable to be on a mission to show me he's not interested. I never thought he was anyway. AIBU to wish I could smack him and knock his stupid behaviour out of him?

I avoid going to events where he will be now as it's just so irritating. As soon as I arrive he avoids speaking directly to me and if he does he makes smart comments about the things I say and just immediately launches into his 'that girl is so hot' drivel.

It's just irritating. AIBU to wish he'd just grown some maturity and stop?

OP posts:
ChuckSnowballs · 21/01/2017 21:40

'Look Steve. Nobody cares that you find her hot or fancy her. Nobody. So shut the fuck up will you'.

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 21:40

I have thought about being very direct many times. But ignoring it is better. He would like the attention more than me ignoring him.

OP posts:
downwardfacingdog · 21/01/2017 21:42

I'd definitely go for the 'yes she's lovely, why don't you go and chat to her?' tactic. Shows you're not arsed without making a big deal out of it.

ChuckSnowballs · 21/01/2017 21:48

Ignoring for a year has got you on here moaning that he never shuts up. So it isn't working that well is it?

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 21:49

Chuck I honestly thought he would get bored of doing it. So far he hasn't so I agree to an extent.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 21/01/2017 21:59

I would also just encourage him to go over and chat to said "hot" women. Offer to go over and ask them out for him. If he wants to behave like a teenager, you can treat him like one. Aside from that everytime he mentioned women, I would just ignore or brush off the comments and change the subject or start a conversation with another person. Without attention, good or bad, it will soon get old.

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 22:02

Fingers crossed. He's shown genuine interest
In two women since I've known him and he's asked them on dates. He doesn't do all this stuff with them.

So when he likes someone he acts like a gentleman. So I don't think it's that he fancies me.

The women have never lasted long but he still just asked them on a date and got to know them like a mature adult.

So it's something else with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 22:03

Right I'm here now. Hot friend in tow.

OP posts:
MyCatIsTryingToKillMe · 21/01/2017 22:37

We will need regular updates through the evening. 😄

ohtheholidays · 21/01/2017 22:38

Just finished reading through,I used to get the same with a bunch of guys I hung out with.I was completely oblivious and just thought they were massive flirts with everyone.

Out of the 5 of them 4 of them told other people that they liked me and 1 told me that he liked me.I didn't date any of them,I was already in a serious relationship and they knew that and even if I'd been single I still only ever saw them as friends.

I'm still intouch with 2 of them,they were all actual friends of mine not friends of friends like in your situation but one of the only ways I could get the message across that I was not and never would be interested was to get my DH to come out with us all.

After that the friendships with 3 of them ended because they'd be really over the top in they're behaviour in front of me and it made the rest of our friends really uncomfortable.But I was lucky I'm still friends with all of the women from the group.

So it can work out in the end,but first of all I think you need to know for sure if it's that he likes you or if he thinks you like him.

From what you've said it sounds like it could be that he likes you.

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 22:47

Well it turns out he's met someone and now has a girlfriend. Thank the Lord. He's not brought her here but they've been dating for a few weeks now. He's liked her for a while now he says.

So we shall see if his behaviour becomes less irritating now he's met someone.

I'm enjoying the company of hot friend. He looks amazing tonight. He's just a friend though! So I will Make sure I don't drink too much wine around him! 😂

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 21/01/2017 22:49

How has he responded to HotFriend op?!

I do think you're a bit stuck here, really; there's not much you can do without it looking like you desperately want him, even though you manifestly don't!

Chippednailvarnishing · 21/01/2017 22:55

Funny how he magics up a girlfriend, who isn't there, thee night you're with a hot bloke...

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 22:56

He seems a bit jealous. But I don't think that's because of any feelings towards me. He just doesn't like having a guy hotter than him around the table.

When he went to the toilet everyone was saying how hot he is to which irritating little boy replied 'I'm hotter to be fair'.

He really isn't hotter. Not even close. Talk about setting yourself up to fail.

I think this is enjoyable pay back for how annoying he's been. I don't think he will be 'letting me know he's not interested' at our next meet up!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 21/01/2017 22:57

Call him out on his shitty behaviour. He sounds like a wanker, constantly commenting on women's looks and how much he fancies them. Do it in front of the others and ask why he always does it to you but not others. He would drive me mad.

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 22:58

He actually has a girlfriend. He's got pictures of them together at restaurants/on holiday.

I rememeber her mentioning her before as someone he liked so I'm guessing he's just got chatting to her and asked her out. He has no trouble getting women. The kind that go for that sort of man. Mainly much younger women.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 21/01/2017 22:58

Enjoy!

I'd be climbing your hot friend like a tree Grin

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 21/01/2017 23:01

Oh I'm definitely flirting! 😂

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 22/01/2017 06:59

when was the last time u saw him?

i think its convenient he has a girlfriend now u turned up with a hot friend

pics of them dont mean anything

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 22/01/2017 09:23

I saw him a few days prior. He's updated his Facebook to in a relationship and his mum knew about it. So he's definitely seeing someone.

I think that proves that he is the way he is because he thought I fancied him. Or was irritated that I didn't give him any attention.

I'm hoping it stops now he's met someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 22/01/2017 09:24

He didn't lik hot friends at all though 😂

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 22/01/2017 09:32

Job done hopefully!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/01/2017 09:33

His to be fair I'm hotter comment is hilarious Grin. He's a bit of a prat based just on that comment .

Sounds like you've got it sorted.

Original poster
Laughinggoittloud · 22/01/2017 09:35

I suspect he might always be like that around me though. Until he's satisfied I'm not harbouring any secret love feeling for him.

Poor woman! I don't know how he gets so many women interested in him. He's awful!

OP posts:
ZuzaPa · 22/01/2017 09:40

Sounds to me like he fancies you.

If it was a case that he thought you fancied him so he was trying to put you off, wouldn't that be a total cruelty. You've made no obvious to moves to show that so he doesn't need to have to 'put you off' ..... like theres no reason for him to labour the point.

So I dont think thats his reasoning here, I think its more likely he really likes you but too scared / immature to do anything about it & maybe its a defence mechanism... or maybe he is just a dick.

I think avoiding him is a good strategy & when you can't just ignore his comments, be completely disinterested unless he talks about something else. Or could you directly say to him 'why do you always feel the need to oogle women, its getting really boring'

Its a shame to avoid going places with your friends.