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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find having a 3 year old and a 1 year old really hard!

37 replies

Angela0413 · 21/01/2017 12:03

Both are boys and are just so physical, constantly fighting/wrestling/cuddling (the 3 seem to merge together). I struggle to find activities they can both do - anything crafty is a nightmare as 1 year old eats everything, Lego (3 year old builds house, 1 year old knocks it down, 3 year old cries), 1 year old playing with toy 3 year decides he wants it, takes it off him (1 year old cries!). Its just constant. Is this normal?? Does it get easier? PS both boys on own are easy and both are super happy easy going - when they are together they just wind each other up!

OP posts:
KC225 · 21/01/2017 12:18

You are finding it hard OP because it is hard. It will get easier. Is the 3 year old at nursery yet?

paddypants13 · 21/01/2017 12:22

I am in the same position but I have a girl and a boy. Believe me, we still have all the physical stuff.

I just try to think of the positives, they're very close and like similar toys and doing similar things. It will get easier as they get older and they are both very cute and cuddly.

SorrelSoup · 21/01/2017 12:24

You're in the thick it. Give it 2 more years and it will be easier. I now have one in school and one in nursery but they still fight a lot, but I'm not with them constantly. We're still waiting for the 3 yr old to be better at sharing and to overcome the tantrums which should lead to it being easier. I shudder when I see babies and very young children as it's been such a battle for us.

DeleteOrDecay · 21/01/2017 12:28

YANBU, I am in a similar position with two girls age 19mo and 4. I'm just clinging onto the fact that as they get older they will (hopefully) find some more common ground.

smilingsarahb · 21/01/2017 12:32

Really tough! I found that stage exhausting. Way easier once one is at school and one at nursery.

ClopySow · 21/01/2017 12:44

I remember that stage being hellish. Mine were 18 months apart. One wanted to build stuff, the other wanted to knock it over.

I think it started improving when youngest was about 18 months.

They're 15 and 14 now and best friends still.

MatildaTheCat · 21/01/2017 12:52

Absolutely bloody exhausting but they are learning some vital life skills very early. It gets better. Could the 3 year old do Lego etc on a table to keep it safe from the destroyer? Forget crafty stuff for a bit and just get through.

Soubriquet · 21/01/2017 13:01

Haha!

I have a 3 almost 4 year old girl and a 1 almost 2 year old boy

It's so hard at times.

They fight like cat and dog and the youngest really has no idea how strong he is so usually wins.

I'm always having to prise him off her.

Lesley1980 · 21/01/2017 13:31

I have two girls & it's the same. Even if I nip to the loo I'm usually refereeing a fight Whilst sat on the toilet. There was a period where I couldn't leave the 3 year old with the 1 year old or she'd try & hurt her & doing nice things is just impossible as the eldest just wants to do jigsaws, build, drawing & crafts & the wee one wants to ruin it. It's even worse now the 1 year old can reach the table.

TooMinty · 21/01/2017 13:36

Mine are 4 and 2 now and it has improved a bit - they do actually play nicely together sometimes. Not great at sharing my attention yet, trying to cuddle both at once yesterday led to a punch up!

MrsDc7 · 21/01/2017 13:40

Omg that was like reading my own life. I have two boys with 23 months between them. They are 2 and 4 now and it has just started to get slightly easier because the younger one is getting bigger and tougher so I worry less about the wrestling ending in him being badly hurt.
It is completely normal and there's nothing you can do about it apart from take comfort in the fact that we are all going through the same - my neighbour must hate us, I seem to spend my life shouting Blush

ChaffinchGreen · 21/01/2017 13:43

My boys are 3 and 5 and though its easier now - it is still bloody hard work! It is the constant and never endingness of it that drives me up the wall. I take the breaks when I can and enjoy the moments of peace, but no you are not being unreasonable - it simply is hard work. that doesn't mean it can't be fun, rewarding and wonderful at moments as well but it is very full on!

Twopeapods · 21/01/2017 13:43

I'm sorry OP but reading this actually makes me feel better about my two DDs as they are exactly the same. I was really beginning to think that I am a terrible mother and haven't disciplined them well. It sounds like this could be the norm for their ages. It's sooooo stressful!
But at least we are not alone.

DixieNormas · 21/01/2017 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frazzled2207 · 21/01/2017 13:45

I could have written your post, mine are 3.5 and 19months are just the same. Horrendous isn't it. I try to get out the house as much as possible as they're better out and in the house they just chuck everything everywhere Confused

DeleteOrDecay · 21/01/2017 13:45

I also relish the younger ones afternoon nap. It's so peaceful and means I can spend some 1on1 time with the 4yoor get things done without constantly having to referee fights.

Love51 · 21/01/2017 13:46

It gets better.
Don't excuse any behaviour on grounds of their sex. Tackle it the same way you would if they were girls. 3 is old enough to discuss 'did he want you to do that'.
Separate areas worked for me at that age. As in ds1 is doing Lego in the lounge, so ds2 can be with me in the kitchen. That should prevent ds1 getting frustrated that ds2 has trashed his work. 3year old will learn quickly not to snatch, but you need to be really consistant about it, challenge every time regardless of ds2s reaction. 3 is old enough to ask nicely or wait his turn.
It does seem relentless. But they grow up!
Oh, one helpful thing is play WITH them every day. So join in Lego or trains or colouring all together. Basically you are role modelling good playing / sharing / etc.

WellErrr · 21/01/2017 13:58

Mine are 4, 2 and 6 months.

It gets easier as they get older. I know it will. But it is SO SO HARD while they're small. Every day is a struggle.

My older two fight too. They're best friends but by God they fight. I've largely given up intervening now which has helped as they're both as bad as each other.

TreeTop7 · 21/01/2017 13:59

I also have two DCs with a two year gap. I found the stage you are at, really difficult. My parents were a godsend - they did lots of childcare in those days.

It gets much easier.

NotYoda · 21/01/2017 14:01

Very similar experience her with my two boys. seems it's a age thing, not a gender thing. It does get better and better. Mine are now 16 and 14 and get on really well.

NotYoda · 21/01/2017 14:02

Also agree with Love51. Model good playing skills/habits

SallyGinnamon · 21/01/2017 14:08

Ha ha ha! Yes it is VERY hard!

Two is much more effort and stress than double one as you have their (violent) interactions to deal with.

DS and DD get on now that they're 17 and 13 but it is quite recent. Sorry.

laidbackmummy13 · 21/01/2017 14:16

Two girls. 3 and 1. And I have almost completely lost my mind lol. They fight and terrorise each other. Oh and neither sleep! At all!

donquixotedelamancha · 21/01/2017 14:20

YANBU. Our girls are the same age- it's very hard. Just got told how tired I look this morning. Bugs all bloody winter. 3 year old is mostly lovely but when she isn't she's a demon. Even lovely she's knackering.

I have nothing useful to suggest, but it's definitely not just you.

Wellitwouldbenice · 21/01/2017 14:20

Hell no YANBU. When my two boys were that age I found it best to take them outside somewhere - whether it was raining, freezing, gale etc