Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH ignores me every evening.

81 replies

yellowflags · 19/01/2017 21:55

DH comes home from work at 7.30, makes himself some food, and then watches the iPad with his headphones in all evening. He lies across the sofa so there's nowhere for me to sit. He likes to have the lights off so I can't sit in there and read. There is nowhere else to sit in our house apart from the hall (ktichen is tiny, DC sleeping in our room).

I feel so sad and miserable that I spend most evenings standing in the kitchen, comfort eating, reading mumsnet. When I try to talk to him he sighs, takes his headphones out but never takes his eyes off the screen. Every so often he pesters me for sex.

AIBU or is he really fucking mean?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/01/2017 21:57

Turn the lights on and sit on his legs.

Seriously man, why go into the kitchen, you love there as well Confused

SavageBeauty73 · 19/01/2017 21:58

Just tell him to fucking budge up on the sofa! That's insane. Turn the lights on.

Original poster
yellowflags · 19/01/2017 21:58

I know. It's ridiculous. I don't feel like this is my home. All I ever do is tidy up after the people who live here.

OP posts:
AMillionMilesFromThere · 19/01/2017 21:58

That is awful op.

You need to deal with this instead of hiding in the kitchen. Where the hell does he think you are while you're doing this?????

Shylo · 19/01/2017 21:59

You are just as important as him, put the lights on and shift his legs for a start. He is being very mean, don't allow him to treat you like that OP

Original poster
yellowflags · 19/01/2017 21:59

He acts like I've poisoned him if I turn the lights on and I'm not allowed to sit on the sofa because he's got a bad back and apparently this is the only way be can be comfortable. (We bought a special armchair for his back but he doesn't like it).

OP posts:
AMillionMilesFromThere · 19/01/2017 21:59

And he definitely would not be getting any action from me with this kind of behaviour.

Arsehole.

MrsDustyBusty · 19/01/2017 21:59

Why is he the only one getting a say? Get yourself in there, turn on the lights and buy yourself a nice chair tomorrow.

user1470041360 · 19/01/2017 22:00

Leave him. He sounds like a twat

Original poster
yellowflags · 19/01/2017 22:01

No, he certainly doesn't get any action! He doesn't seem to understand how fucking horrible it is to be treated like this. I actually look forward to it when he goes to the loo.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 19/01/2017 22:02

Tell him to go and lie down in your bedroom with the lights off instead of taking over the living room.

Tanfastic · 19/01/2017 22:02

Next time he goes to the loo, turn the lights on, make yourself comfy on the sofa and ignore him all night whilst mumsnetting.

What a selfish arsehole.

Original poster
yellowflags · 19/01/2017 22:02

That is a great idea edwin, I don't know why I didn't think of that!

OP posts:
HopefulHamster · 19/01/2017 22:03

Definitely buy yourself a chair and put the lights on! You are an equal!!

ChasedByBees · 19/01/2017 22:03

He sounds HORRIBLE

Backt0Black · 19/01/2017 22:04

OP - I really hope you know enough to know you are not BU.

If he can't be bothered to interact with you, and is so rude... to the point he almost sounds exasperated theres little point in being together.

He gets to choose whether there is light and whether youre allowed on the sofa Confused Shock

Reclaim your living room, turn on the lights, tell him to move OFF THE FUCKING SOFA and stop treating you like a dog.

Hidingtonothing · 19/01/2017 22:04

How long has this been going on OP? What would he say if you pointed out that you have nowhere to sit and that he's preventing you from doing what you like to do to relax by insisting on the light being off? PP's are right, you need to stand up for yourself but I have to ask, why are you with someone who has so little concern for your comfort or happiness?

therealpippi · 19/01/2017 22:04

My xh used to do that. We had other places I could sit but that is not quite the point.
Like you I felt this wasn't my home. There was never a proper relax time and certainlt never with him.
A few years down the line, he has his own pad where he can plug himself to the tv and I can enjoy my space and my evenings. I love it.

There are two issues: one is the fact that he does not engage with you and does not consider spending time with you as good relaxing time. The second that he monopolises the house and, frankly, he doesn't give a shit about your needs.

lifetothefull · 19/01/2017 22:05

That sounds very unpleasant. You shouldn't have to feel like you have nowhere to sit in your own house. Find a time to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel.

Lazyafternoon · 19/01/2017 22:05

You need to do something! Turn the lights on, turn the TV on and sit on YOUR sofa!!! Personally I'd have it out with him, if my DH did that. I'd tell him to take his ear phones out and look at you. You've had enough and it's your house too!

You've got to build up the courage and tell him he needs to buck up his ideas as his behaviour is getting you down.

wifeyhun · 19/01/2017 22:07

Sit on top of his bloody legs.

Go and get yourself comfy on the sofa.

You deserve better yellow Flowers Flowers

acquiescence · 19/01/2017 22:07

Sounds awful. Do you like each other? Do you have a nice time at the weekend etc?

Another suggestion , get a fire stick, Apple TV or similar so you can watch programmes together. Put some cushions in the floor to sit on.

user1477282676 · 19/01/2017 22:07

He's bullying you! My DH likes the lights off but we compromise. Sometimes they're off and sometimes they're on.

Is there only a sofa? Get a lamp and a chair and tell him to fuck off. Seriously...stand up for yourself! Let him act like you've poisoned him! Who cares!? He doesn't!

PBbolshy · 19/01/2017 22:08

Fart on his face and he'll soon shift! Then sit smugly on the sofa and enjoy!

Original poster
yellowflags · 19/01/2017 22:08

You're all right. Therealppi that is a good point about not seeing time with me as relaxing time. I feel like I am the thorn in his side, always making things worse for him. And then he suddenly wants lots of attention/ sex and doesn't understand why I'm not in the mood.

I've tried talking to him but it just doesn't get through.

Ok. I'm going to go in and switch on the TV.

OP posts: