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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH ignores me every evening.

81 replies

yellowflags · 19/01/2017 21:55

DH comes home from work at 7.30, makes himself some food, and then watches the iPad with his headphones in all evening. He lies across the sofa so there's nowhere for me to sit. He likes to have the lights off so I can't sit in there and read. There is nowhere else to sit in our house apart from the hall (ktichen is tiny, DC sleeping in our room).

I feel so sad and miserable that I spend most evenings standing in the kitchen, comfort eating, reading mumsnet. When I try to talk to him he sighs, takes his headphones out but never takes his eyes off the screen. Every so often he pesters me for sex.

AIBU or is he really fucking mean?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 19/01/2017 22:10

Turn the lights on and say "Excuse me, I need to sit down."

Instead of mumsnetting, you might be better off googling divorce lawyers.

Whisky2014 · 19/01/2017 22:13

If he moans about it i would ask him:
Where do i get to sit?
When do i get to watch what i want?
Where is the quality time for us in this relationship?
Actually ask him and await his answers

Hidingtonothing · 19/01/2017 22:14

I rarely say LTB but I couldn't live with someone so selfish he didn't care that I was standing in the kitchen all evening. How old are DC, would either of you have anywhere else to go if you split?

SortAllTheThings · 19/01/2017 22:15

Wow, what a nasty fucking shithead.

He lays on the sofa and you have to hang out in the kitchen? Fuck that noise. Grow some balls, kick his selfish fucking arse off that sofa, switch on anything on TV and if he fucking DARES complain, ask him exactly what his problem is.

If I was there I would drag him off the sofa myself. How dare anybody treat their partner like this!

SortAllTheThings · 19/01/2017 22:16

If he wants to be antisocial and lay in the dark, I'm sure there a local travelodge he can fuck off to.

Bloody hell this has made me angry. What a selfish twat!

ScuttlbuttHarpy · 19/01/2017 22:19

What a selfish shit, I'd be inclined to stay at a friends for a couple of nights, then when/if he rings just say, "oh well I didnt think you'd notice I was gone, you certainly dont realise I'm there!!!."

Yes I would go THAT far.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 19/01/2017 22:20

You sound frightened of him OP, this is no way to live, you truly deserve better and to be happy. I know it's easier said than done but the only way things are going to change is if you find the strength to change it. Best wishes.

MillionToOneChances · 19/01/2017 22:20

Sit on the armchair, turn on the light and read or watch tv per your own preference. If he dares complain smile sweetly and say you're sorry to inconvenience him but don't have anywhere else to to unless he can suggest something you haven't thought of?

Or LTB.

notapizzaeater · 19/01/2017 22:21

I'd sit on His bloody legs !

NCforQuestion · 19/01/2017 22:21

What a nob! Glad you are going in!

HappyFlappy · 19/01/2017 22:23

As Gamerchick says - turn on lights, sit on his legs.

He is a tw*@t*!

Megatherium · 19/01/2017 22:23

Purely out of curiosity, what's happened to the special chair? Why can't you sit there?

But even if you could, I don't think that's the answer. He's thoroughly selfish and needs to realise that you have as much entitlement to be comfortable in your sitting room as he does.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 19/01/2017 22:23

Good for you OP, you've taken the first step.

rainbowrd · 19/01/2017 22:23

That's absolutely grim.

This honestly sounds like something you'll look back on in years to come when you're divorced from him and you meet a nice guy and are reminded what normal people behave like and you'll see just what a stark contrast it is to your life right now.

Niskayuna · 19/01/2017 22:24

You need to have a "we need to talk."

Actually, make it blunt. "You completely ignore me all evening and clearly have no interest in continuing in a relationship with me. I am sure you would be far happier in your own place."

He sounds like he's pretty much checked out of the relationship.

AddToBasket · 19/01/2017 22:24

I am very upset for you, OP. He's either revoltingly selfish or cruel.

This is your space he is cutting into. And he knows he is being unkind by not caring about you or your evenings.

Sorry, but no advice on here is going to fix this. Proper therapy if there's any hope of getting out of this with both of you being happy and having self respect.

KevinMcCallister · 19/01/2017 22:28

Tomorrow morning, unplug the router and put it away somewhere he won't look (a good guess would be the airing cupboard or cupboard that contains the cleaning things). I appreciate he could tether through his mobile phone but it's a start. I would also tell him to come with you for relationship counselling or fuck off out of the house.

FurryLittleTwerp · 19/01/2017 22:30

I end up in the kitchen because my DH likes to listen to music in the dark or watch TV with no lights on.

He watches stuff I don;t like mostly Jeremy Clarkson so I like to sit & crochet in there while mostly ignoring the TV.

Except he won't let me have enough light on to crochet by & tells me to go & do it in the bedroom. I refuse, as I'm not a student Hmm & don;t like doing it in the kitchen because of cooking smells.

So selfish.

Fluffyears · 19/01/2017 22:33

Oh that's horrible, can you sit in his special chair.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/01/2017 22:33

Good for you op. He sounds vile.

Original poster
yellowflags · 19/01/2017 22:33

I am on the sofa, I am watching TV and the light is on!

He is in the bedroom.

It's not marital bliss but it's a lot more comfy than it was

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 19/01/2017 22:33

This sounds dire, OP.

Just read your first paragraph and it brings me out in hives, just the thought of you DH fixing himself something to eat. Honestly, my DH would do that as a piss-take! No way would he even get a glass of water without getting me one too.

That's not a boast, it's just common courtesy in a relationship

RubyFlint · 19/01/2017 22:34

Good for you. Hope you get through to him. But maybe there's more going on here?

He's literally switching off from you OP - taking up the whole sofa, turning the lights off! And ear plugs. It doesn't look great tbh

neweymcnewname · 19/01/2017 22:34

He sounds like a teenage son who needs guidance on what is acceptable! My DS would probably do that, but gets told to move. I think you need to have a serious talk with him, make a list, warn him that it's happening (e.g. tmrw evening), and be very clear that things need to change a lot. You either want a proper partnership, where u spend enjoyable time doing things together, or you need to move toward separating so that u can both form happier relationships. I guess there's a chance he's depressed and that is why he's like this, so maybe he needs to open up about why he want to be alone in the dark, or speak to a professional to figure it out.

BlueOnMondayNight · 19/01/2017 22:34

If I read this in a novel, I wouldn't believe it...

its extraordinary behaviour.