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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to invite 22 out of a class of 30?

45 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/01/2017 10:29

My DD wants a science party for her 7th birthday...it looks great so I've called them and checked availability etc, and they've said it's max 30. I asked if I invited the whole class (30), and they all came, does that mean my DD's little sister couldn't watch... and apparently it does! Confused

So I thought I'll have to invite less. I've always done whole class parties before and also invited a few girls who used to be in the class but now go to a different school...so I thought I could include them, DD's sister, and that would leave me with 22 kids.

But that just seems mean!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Bodicea · 19/01/2017 10:31

No I wouldn't. I would either risk it. Someone is bound to be ill/ not be able to make it or I would just invite girls.

Allthebestnamesareused · 19/01/2017 10:32

I suspect if there were really 31 kids there the science party giver would not even realise because I suspect they wouldn't count them. So unless the Hall or venue had restrictions I would go with plan A and invite the whole class.

The chances are there will be someone who can't attend anyway (ill, granny's 80th, football tournament etc). If the plus one is your own child I'd wing it!

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/01/2017 10:33

I can't just invite girls...I wish I could.... my DD's friends are mainly boys! She has about 8 'best' friends are 7 are boys.

OP posts:
seventhgonickname · 19/01/2017 10:35

Invite the lot,they won't all come.

monkeywithacowface · 19/01/2017 10:35

I would invite everyone on the assumption that someone won't be able to come. The chances of 30 people all being available on the day is slim. If everyone does come then arrange for younger sibling to go somewhere else for the day. Alternatively you don't have to have 30 at all you could just invite half the class

Redglitter · 19/01/2017 10:37

I'd invite them all there's no way all 30 will turn up

user1484317265 · 19/01/2017 10:37

You can't invite more than 2 thirds of a class. That looks like a whole class party with a few deliberately excluded.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 10:37

I think eight is a fine number to leave out. I hate this whole thing of having to invite everyone. Its a little ridiculous - I know parents who are in the mindset of their child should be invited because who wouldn't want their PFB there Hmm

8 is fine. Not too few at all.

MontePulciana · 19/01/2017 10:40

I think it's awful. You have a list of 30 kids and you'll need to ask the kid to chose ones they don't want. Wouldn't even bother! Invite them all.

purplecollar · 19/01/2017 11:13

Ah come on - if you watched 22 invitations being given out and 8 were left out, you'd notice and be upset as an adult.

I'd invite them all, no family friends and then at least one will be sick on the day. There's so many bugs going round. Or just invite 10 closer friends.

lunchboxtroubles · 19/01/2017 11:34

Rule of thumb is less than half or the whole class.

user1484317265 · 19/01/2017 11:35

I hate this whole thing of having to invite everyone

You don't have to invite everyone. You just have to not single out a handful not to be invited. It's not usually PFB-ness either, you try having a child who is always the one, or one of the handful not invited, because they have a condition or difference that makes the parents not want them there.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 11:35

Purplecollar As an adult maybe, depending on the situation although it would have to be something major e.g a family wedding.

As the parent of a child I'd probably think ''Too many kids, not enough space or most likely our kids probably don't get on''. Kids don't like every kid in class and nor do they have to. I think its stupid to make a child spend time with a person they don't like, that's all.

People are so convinced their child is perfect and must be invited to everything and why wouldn't someone want to be graced by their presence?! . So I would understand.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 11:37

I just think you should be able to invite who you want without other people getting involved, that's all. No matter how many you leave out (like half) there's always someone who complains or takes it as a major personal slight.

Some kids are mean. Or bullies. They don't get invited because of this and some people just don't want to admit their kids are naughty and people don't want to invite them places/be in their company.

Tokelau · 19/01/2017 11:41

I would invite them all, because I'm sure that not all would be able to come. I wouldn't ask 22 out of 30.

I would also put on the invitations that unfortunately siblings cannot come, as there is a limit to the amount of children allowed by the people who run the parties. When we had parties, we always had a couple of siblings turn up too and stay, without the parents asking if it was ok. For some things it was fine, but for other parties, it wouldn't have worked.

Girlsinthegarden · 19/01/2017 11:42

Text the date to the ones your dd definitely want there and hand out official invitations the Monday before the party. That usually slims the numbers nicely.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 19/01/2017 11:49

Why not just invite her "best friends", I don't get whole class parties at all. Just invite her actual friends not kids just because she happens to sit in a classroom with them, you will save money, your dd gets included and your not leaving out anyone

Quartz2208 · 19/01/2017 11:53

I would risk it. I had a pool party where I was only allowed 20 - I invited 25 children. On the day with 3 older siblings I had 20

Kitsandkids · 19/01/2017 12:40

I would invite the whole class because it's likely someone won't come.

If they all do, is little sister of an age/temperament where she won't have a tantrum if she doesn't get to do something? There's a science party company near me and they set out equipment for science experiments for however many are coming, so if they've got 30 sets out will little sister scream blue murder that she doesn't have one? Or can the two sisters be primed that they have to be sensible and share?

2014newme · 19/01/2017 12:42

Invite them all. Somebody won't come

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/01/2017 12:43

No, DD2 has SEN and will tantrum if left out... badly. That's why I'm so set on having a guaranteed place for her.

I'll have to just risk it!

OP posts:
user1484317265 · 19/01/2017 12:49

People are so convinced their child is perfect and must be invited to everything and why wouldn't someone want to be graced by their presence

This is such a dickish thing to say Hmm. I don't think my child(ren) is/are perfect, and I don't think everyone is blessed by his presence.

I do think you're an epic asshat if you pick children to NOT include, instead of picking who to invite, which is what you are doing if you leave out a handful. And its often the same handful: the kids with SEN, or epilepsy, or some other condition, or the ones with issues of some kinds.
It's parents being dicks, as usual.

monkeywithacowface · 19/01/2017 12:51

I know you don't want to leave your dd out and can understand why. DS2 has SEN and wouldn't cope watching on the sidelines either BUT that said we do always make plans for him to be somewhere else for the day. DS1 has to accommodate him such a lot day to day but I know he relaxes more when he's not around (especially when he's with friends) and I think his birthday party is the one time DS2's needs shouldn't trump everyone else's.

I also have a brother with ASD so I do have a sibling perspective on these things too. I know every family is different when it come to SEN and you have to do things that fit with your family but that's my perspective on it.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 12:56

User Obviously not all parents are like this but it is a growing trend from what I have seen and you can't say you've never met someone who thinks of their kid like this, we have the acronym PFB because of this type of parent's behaviour around their kid. I grew up knowing kids who's parents were like this.

Of course excluding simply on the grounds of disabilities/conditions etc is awful. I just think excluding on the grounds of your kid doesn't hang out with/like them much (not for bullying reasons)/ that kid is awful for bullying or nastiness etc is fine.

There was a post a little while ago about inviting the class bully to a birthday party simply because everyone else was invited - but why? Why force your child to be with someone (especially on their birthday) who hurts/bullies your child? It makes no sense.

OutDamnedWind · 19/01/2017 12:57

I agree the general rule of whole or less than half is good. Agree that this way round you're essentially picking kids not to invite, rather than kids you would want to invite, which isn't a very nice situation.