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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to invite 22 out of a class of 30?

45 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/01/2017 10:29

My DD wants a science party for her 7th birthday...it looks great so I've called them and checked availability etc, and they've said it's max 30. I asked if I invited the whole class (30), and they all came, does that mean my DD's little sister couldn't watch... and apparently it does!

So I thought I'll have to invite less. I've always done whole class parties before and also invited a few girls who used to be in the class but now go to a different school...so I thought I could include them, DD's sister, and that would leave me with 22 kids.

But that just seems mean!

WWYD?

OP posts:

user1484317265 · 19/01/2017 13:10

Excluding children because of what you think of their parents is bad too.

It's not difficult. If you are inviting the majority and leaving out a few, unless you have a very very good reason, is not ok. You are actively choosing who to NOT invite if you do that.
I live by a simple motto: try not to be a dick. Especially to young children.

More people should try it.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 13:16

I'm not saying you should exclude kids because of their parents. You should exclude them because of the kid.

But I think its stupid you have to invite all of them incase the parent gets upset about it - which is likely to happen. I don't think 8 is a few. I think under 5 would look bad unless one of those children was being excluded due to violence/behaviour not attributed to a MH/disability issue.

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/01/2017 13:19

No one is a bully, everyone in the class is lovely. I'd find it really difficult to find 8 not to invite so would have to have just let DD pick who she wanted and hope it came to around 20-22.... and having a child with extra needs myself, I would never exclude on that basis so I hope that comment wasn't directed at me.

It's fine, I'm going to risk it and hope a few are busy.

OP posts:

mummytime · 19/01/2017 13:19

I think YWBU.
Invite 15 of this class, and the extras you want to. Actually less than 30 would probably be better anyway.

MatchboxTwenty · 19/01/2017 13:20

Ask her who she'd like to invite e.g. 10 from school and 10 outside school and that way you can have a manageable number of children and your other DD can join in.

Annabel11 · 19/01/2017 13:22

Risk it - no way are 30 people ever coming.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 13:22

Mary Nothing directed at you except for saying you should just invite who you like!

Do you think she would pick that many or do you think she would pick just the kids she hangs around with during lunch/play time. If you invite the ones she wants and its less than 20 can you invite others from hobbies if she doesn't any? I.e football or brownies?

user1484317265 · 19/01/2017 13:30

and having a child with extra needs myself, I would never exclude on that basis so I hope that comment wasn't directed at me

Not at all, but you would be amazed at how many people think that is an acceptable reason not to invite a child. Some of them don't even bother to pretend that its not that, I've had a twat say to my face that it was too much trouble to have a child "like that" in their house.

misshelena · 19/01/2017 13:35

7Sunshine is right - whole class parties are stupid. Just invite the kids she actually plays with.

Ppl trying so hard to accuse 7Sunshine of excluding based on disabilities -- just stop creating argument. That's not what she is saying and you know it.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 13:42

MissHelena Thank you, of course, and as I have said on PP excluding because of disabilities/MH issues is awful.

I'm talking about its fine not to invite kids that you kid doesn't like/doesn't spend time with/is a bully or nasty - this is of course unless your kid isn't hanging out/liking the kid due to disabilities/MH issues.

CripsSandwiches · 19/01/2017 14:48

People are so convinced their child is perfect and must be invited to everything and why wouldn't someone want to be graced by their presence

Errrr no, I've never known anyone be annoyed at their child not being invited to a small party but to exclude only a small number of children is unkind for obvious reasons. If I was arranging a social event at work I'd either invite everyone or invite a smaller number of people. Same applies to kids.

CripsSandwiches · 19/01/2017 14:49

I think with OP's numbers she'd be safe to invite either the whole class (some won't come) or just make it smaller and top up from others outside of school.

user1484317265 · 19/01/2017 15:52

Ppl trying so hard to accuse 7Sunshine of excluding based on disabilities -- just stop creating argument. That's not what she is saying and you know it

I know she's being rude for no good reason, and sneery. Can't be surprised at the comments!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 19/01/2017 15:55

Make sure the parents don't try and bring siblings along.

littledinaco · 19/01/2017 15:59

Not sure which company you have used for the party but a friend of mine has just had a 'sublime science' party with over 30 kids. She paid a bit extra for a second presenter. Not sure if would be worth it for just one more but might be an option for you.

MiaowTheCat · 19/01/2017 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chattymummyhere · 19/01/2017 16:34

I would invite in the whole class and wait for the rsvp's to start coming in then invite others outside of school. I also wouldn't have the sibling there on a limited numbers party it's nice for the birthday child to just enjoy themselves without little brother/sister running around.

7SunshineSeven7 · 19/01/2017 20:36

Miaow That makes perfect sense what you said - she can't be invited to everything.

I didn't mean all kids are bullies who don't get invited, I simply stated that kids may be invited for various reasons as I said in PP: It could be the party child doesn't like/hang out with that not-invited child, that child being a bully could also be a reason though.
(I mentioned this due to the other thread about inviting a bully to a birthday party that was known for being physically violent to the birthday kid). Hope that clears it up for you

deadringer · 19/01/2017 21:06

I have never had whole class parties for any of my kids. Its way too much hassle and expense. I get my kids to do a list of their best friends, then kids whose parties they have been to etc til i get a total of about 16 or 18 kids and i think thats plenty. At 15 or 16 euro minimum a head i really can't afford any more. There is always a few at school that my child really doesn't like and i don't include them, if they receive invites from those same kids i make an excuse and decline. Why force children to hang out with kids they hate, especially on their birthday.

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/01/2017 21:16

7sunshine, my 'was this aimed at me' wasn't to you... I totally got your point

I wouldn't want to send my DD2 elsewhere... she's had years of exclusion because of her difficulties and this is the first year I feel she could really be there without it being stressful... so she's going to be there! (it's a very proud year in our house!)

I'm going to look into the 2.entertainers as a PP said, it is sublime science I'm looking at and hopefully they could entertain a few more kids and solve my problems!

OP posts:

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