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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'I'm a bit OCD'

160 replies

Whosecoatisthatjacket · 18/01/2017 20:39

As a precautionary measure I've altered my user name but would appreciate some advice in case I am being over sensitive.

A manager (not mine, but still my superior) has just sent out an email explaining something minor she has done by saying 'sorry but I have OCD.' She doesn't, she's just very organised and tidy.

I don't have OCD but did used to live next door to a chap with it. We saw so little of what he had to go through-only some rituals such as having to walk down his path repeatedly before leaving the house-but it still seemed crippling.

The manager did not mean to be disrespectful and the tone was clearly light hearted so am I being over sensitive to find it in poor taste? If I'm being reasonable, how do I raise it with her kindly without coming across as sanctimonious? Maybe I AM being sanctimonious??

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 22/01/2017 12:32

I think it's just a saying, like when you can't read something and say "I'm as blind as a bat", or mishear something "jeeze I'm going deaf"

You don't actually mean you are, it's light humour, you're having a little dig at yourself.

I think it would be crazy to bring up the fact they had referred to themselves as a little OCD. It was probably a joke x

barinatxe · 22/01/2017 12:55

Just because someone isn't diagnosed with an illness doesn't mean that they don't have it. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 29, but looking back I was living with the symptoms of depression since at least the age of 14. In the OP's original example, her boss does not have to tell her whether she has OCD or justify her remark in any manner. Perhaps she does have OCD, perhaps she doesn't. Someone with a medical condition has every right to withhold all or part of the details of their condition from their colleagues. There is no obligation for her manager to disclose the details.

This protection works both ways. If the employee suffers from OCD (for example) they have no obligation to tell their employer. Many people choose to keep quiet about illnesses because of an often misplaced fear that they will be treated unfavourably because of it. The employer cannot make any "reasonable alterations" to the job if they are not aware of it of course, but ultimately one's medical details are private unless one chooses to disclose them.

I agree that "a bit OCD" could be seen as an offensive term, in the same way that someone saying they were "a bit special needs" or "a bit gay" would usually be seen as offensive. But people use the term without thinking, because it gets the message across - when someone says "I'm a bit OCD about my desk" it is obvious what they mean - that they keep a tidy desk, and don't want anyone messing about with it. Perhaps they are ill, perhaps not.

Saying "I demonstrate certain behaviours which are consistent with those which I perceive to be akin to the traits of a person with a formal diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I am not formally diagnosed and I do not believe that I suffer from these traits in a manner which has a serious or debilitating affect on my ability to carry out my daily business or live my life in the manner in which I wish" is a rather unwieldy, convoluted way of getting the same message across.

But back to the original example from the OP. The OP could complain, but what action would the company take? They could call her boss in, and ask her to explain herself, but if she does have OCD, diagnosed or not, it would be the OP who is likely to feel some consequences here.

Criticising someone for telling you that they have an illness, accusing them of making it up, rarely helps someone to further their career, and certainly does not help the person suffering the illness.

LucklessMonster · 22/01/2017 13:01

My colleague does this all the time. "Can we move the pictures so they line up? I'm a bit OCD!"

She doesn't have OCD. She likes symmetry, like most humans.

It's very annoying and I'm with you, OP. Not sure we can say anything without looking like we're overreacting, though. Until people know how awful OCD can be, they don't appreciate that it isn't something to diagnose themselves with for a light hearted comment.

BarryTheKestrel · 22/01/2017 14:32

My DH was told by his doctor and Mr specialist that he has obsessive compulsive tendencies but its not severe enough for a diagnosis. As such I suppose it is possible to be a 'bit' OCD. He does have tendencies, compulsions for certain things that drive him up the wall with anxiety if it's not done/right, but he does not have OCD.

However, if it's just someone being picky about something then it's not OCD.

UnbornMortificado · 22/01/2017 14:36

I hate it, it's fucking offensive.

My DS once came out with "I'm a little bi-polar" no you are fucking not as there is no such thing.

YANBU

RonaldMcDonald · 22/01/2017 14:51

Bored with people self diagnosing
Bored with conflation
Bored with faux concern

catch a grip

individuals suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder are done no favours by others thinking a few traits make them or their path the same
ditto
individuals with difficult familial relationships are not all being preyed upon by a 'narc'
We are NOT all on an autistic spectrum.

If you are having difficulties or do not like something it does not mean you have a disorder. Why we all now require a label or diagnosis rather than being able to voice a like or dislike is beyond me
This also works for milk, gluten and sugar. Choose not to eat, tell people - do not pretend to have an illness. Your opinion's, for you, count
(now how is that for conflation?)

Kelsey28 · 22/01/2017 17:28

My teaching assistant says this ALL of the time. She also uses it to have a slight dig at me ie "I hope you don't mind me tidying up its just my OCD" Angry I find it very ableist.

MsMims · 23/01/2017 01:13

Well said Ronald

Barry that doesn't make your DH 'a bit OCD' and am a bit baffled that you've come to that conclusion when 2x medical professionals have said he doesn't have the disorder. This is the point, being particular or even having obsessions does not = a disorder. Its also why it's wrong for people to label themselves 'undiagnosed' when until you embark on the path of diagnosis, you have no idea if your thoughts or behaviour are part of a disorder or not.

'I'm a bit OCD' doesn't even make grammatical sense, 'I'm a bit Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' is what you're actually saying. It's like saying 'I'm a bit cancer' 'I'm a bit epilepsy' 'I'm a bit heart disease' or 'I'm a bit depression'. OCD has just been high jacked by ignorant people as an abbreviation to mean fussy or particular.

Sallystyle · 23/01/2017 07:21

'I'm a bit OCD' doesn't even make grammatical sense, 'I'm a bit Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' is what you're actually saying. It's like saying 'I'm a bit cancer' 'I'm a bit epilepsy' 'I'm a bit heart disease' or 'I'm a bit depression'. OCD has just been high jacked by ignorant people as an abbreviation to mean fussy or particular.

I might tell someone I'm a bit heart disease just to see the look on their face Grin

Liiinoo · 23/01/2017 07:56

I agree that the term OCD is often misused. I used to work with couples experiencing relationship difficulties. Often one of them would say "I am a bit/have OCD' to explain why their partner should accommodate unreasonable behaviour. In all that time only one of those clients had actually been diagnosed with OCD, the rest were 'just' controlling. Of course that was an issue in itself. In that sort of clinical/therapeutic setting an accurate understanding of people's problems is important.

Outside the consulting room misuse of such labels can be mildly irritating but doesn't strike me as a big deal. It's a form of shorthand and we generally know what they mean.

user1483945709 · 23/01/2017 08:13

This sums it up

"It's easy to say you're "having a panic attack" when you're just a bit stressed, but we should watch to make sure that the meaning of words that refer to serious mental health conditions isn't diluted.

Using bipolar or schizo or essentially technical words to describe mundane or everyday experiences means the original technical meaning of the term becomes diluted and it becomes more strongly associated with these simpler or more fleeting experiences. It normalizes illness. The potential problem is that 'I'm depressed' now means 'I'm sad.' Then how does someone who actually has depression describe his or her illness or how he or she feels? How can people differentiate the much more complex, much more intense thing they have from this thing everyone always claims ownership of?"

Ableist language like this matters because when people apply an illness to themselves, they don't have to deal with it daily.

There's something to be said for how it makes sufferers feel; they're going through something stigmatized and often debilitating, while people are essentially being collectively flippant about it. Emily Reynolds is working on a book about mental health. Even she struggles when people misuse the term. "I know people don't mean to do it and it's thoughtlessness rather than spite, but it just wounds me a little bit every time and makes me feel I can't trust that person," she explained. "I'm happy to call out family or friends, but sometimes, at work, for example, you just can't. [When] people throw around 'I feel so manic' or 'he's so bipolar,' I just feel awkward about my diagnosis. Even with my level of willingness to talk about it, I feel small and awkward."

The issue goes deeper than individual feelings. "If we come to understand mental illness as something everybody has on a weekly basis, it facilitates the attitude of 'just snap out of it,'" says Dr. Demjen. "That in turn actually facilitates stigma because then if someone does have OCD, say, in the clinical sense—see, even I'm having to specify clinical here because already we have this dilution in language—his or her symptoms end up not being taken as seriously as they should be."

Dr. Demjen talks about something else called negative evaluation, which happens when we refer to other people being bipolar or OCD. "When people say that, they don't mean the person is clinically ill. They mean their behavior isn't seen as positive. And again, if you take the idea that words acquire and change meaning, then bipolar or OCD acquires this negative association. Then people who are diagnosed with one of these illnesses perceive it as a negative evaluation and judgement of themselves rather than a neutral diagnosis. This facilitates the stigma that they feel and also the potential stigma that others might impose on them because they also have the same associations. If someone goes to their employer and tells them, 'I'm depressed,' the employer has those associations as well." It's a vicious cycle.

Kate Nightingale from Time to Change, the mental health anti-stigma campaign run by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, says it's down to both individuals and larger communities to consider their words. "Having a mental health problem is hard enough—hearing it trivialized makes it unnecessarily harder. You probably don't mean to stigmatize or hurt someone with a mental health problem—so we'd encourage everyone to think twice about the possible impact of using mental health language in such a casual way." When you speak, say what you mean.

It's not about taking over language and deciding who can say what. It's about having a word to express to people who don't understand what is affecting us. Many find being diagnosed and given a term for their illness empowering; they can go online and research their illness, the science, and the facts. They can hang onto that word when they're having a bad patch. Within the mental health community, the word has immense power. Satiating these words will eventually make them meaningless to everyone"

Sallystyle · 23/01/2017 12:09

Thank you for posting that User it is spot on.

user1483945709 · 23/01/2017 12:38

Thought it might help, as we seem to be going in circles 'a bit'!

badtime · 23/01/2017 13:14

I haven't read the entire thread so I don't know if anyone has said this, but the previous posters who said that if someone doesn't have a diagnosis it is because they don't have OCD or because their OCD is too mild for them to have needed to seek treatment are wrong, and not taking into account the nature of OCD.

I now have a diagnosis, but although I had very obvious OCD traits from about the age of 5 or 6, I did not seek a diagnosis until my late 30s. This was not because my OCD was too mild for me to bother, but because the nature of my OCD meant I couldn't go to see a doctor. I only managed to resolve this when I was able to see a therapist privately for treatment. I have since been able to see a doctor.

Apparently, the average person with OCD takes almost a decade to seek help (seriously, no-one wants to tell people they think about some of the appalling things that come up in intrusive thoughts), so there are probably loads of people with OCD and no diagnosis.

VforVienetta · 23/01/2017 14:31

Since getting to know a friend with actual OCD, I've found myself asking people what they mean when they say they're a bit OCD etc.

Most people have the impression that OCD means a liking for order/cleanliness/correct procedure, rather than what my friend has explained, which is catastrophising the consequences of disorder/contaminants/etc.

If it turns out they don't suffer from it, I explain the reality she lives with, and I'm pretty sure they stop using the phrase so lightly after.

It's a bloody horrible and exhausting condition.

MsMims · 23/01/2017 15:25

U2 Grin

User148 Thanks also for that post.

Badtime If you're talking about me and have actually read my posts properly you'll see I haven't said that at all. Every person with diagnosed OCD was at some point in their life undiagnosed but suffering from it. The issue is with comments like 'I'm undiagnosed but have OCD' being made as statements of fact. People may have their suspicions, which may or may not turn out to be correct, but unless they are also trained psychologists or psychiatrists they cannot say that with any certainty. Even GPs are not specialised enough to make a diagnosis and should refer on to mental health services. Lots of symptoms of OCD also feature in other mental illnesses/ disorders.

Or, as a poster further up thread has experienced, someone (their DH) may well have obsessions that cause them anxiety but their case isn't severe enough to be diagnosed with OCD. Some things that cause stress and anxiety are just part and parcel of normal life, for OCD to be diagnosed symptoms must have a significant impact and impairment on a sufferers life.

From OCD action:

'One of the main things that professionals consider in diagnosing OCD or a related disorder is how your symptoms affect your life. They will especially consider how long rituals take, how often thoughts occur and how bad they make you feel, the extent of any avoidance behaviour and ultimately, how much your OCD is stopping you live the life that you want to live.

It is important to remember that many people feel that they have some “OCD like” symptoms or behaviour. Perhaps they double check the door at night or get upset if things are not in a specific order. If this behaviour is not having any noticeable impact on their life, if they are not finding it intolerable, then a health professional is unlikely to diagnose them as having OCD.'

Notice the word intolerable, not mild. Anyway I'll leave it at that for now as it's quite upsetting having to reflect on how shit it really is rather than it just being a mild affliction.

unlucky83 · 23/01/2017 15:45

I wondered at times if I had OCD -especially when I heard a comedian (with OCD - can't remember his name -Jon? maybe) interviewed for a documentary -especially talking about teaspoons in a shared flat and I knew exactly how he felt...(really anxious and panic stricken -unexplained dread) but other things I didn't relate to...
I don't have OCD - but I do have ADHD (diagnosed as an adult).
I was reading about co-morbid conditions/misdiagnosis and discovered that people are wrongly diagnosed as having OCD or OCD co-morbid with ADHD because people with ADHD develop coping mechanisms - and some of those resemble OCD behaviour...things like repeatedly checking things, doing things in a certain order and needing things to be in the 'right' place and complete panic if they aren't.
I don't think I have ever described myself as 'a bit OCD' ...but I have said 'I have wondered if I have OCD' as explanation why certain things could irrationally upset me, much more than they 'should' do ...
(I understand the difference now - and that helps. My fear is actually a pretty rational one -that I will make a 'mistake' because of the ADHD - I need to check things etc because I might have forgotten, if things aren't in the right place I might have lost them, might lose them - it is a fear of losing control...whereas from what I understand OCD fear is completely irrational)

Although now I have the ADHD diagnosis I would probably just use that to explain why I was so upset ...

iamfamous · 23/01/2017 16:02

If anyone says 'I'm so OCD' my dd puts them straight and tells them the phrase trivialises a very serious, debilitating and often crippling illness. My ds has OCD and it's made him suicidal.

It would be hard to challenge a manager. Maybe it could be brought up in conversation one day?

FrankensteinsSister · 23/01/2017 16:07

Throwing my hat in with the 'actually this is offensive' crowd.

I have OCD.
OCD can be a living hell, and, like a few other posters, I've been suicidal because of it. I feel it as a disability, and, quite apart from blighting my childhood and twenties when I was undiagnosed, meaning I wasn't able to study properly or start a career, I know it will be with me, at varying levels of severity, for the rest of my life. Which fucking sucks.

So yeah, I feel it does trivialise the dreadful suffering I've experienced because of OCD for people to use it as shorthand for careful, or particular.

KoolKoala07 · 23/01/2017 16:11

Grrr this is such a pet hate of mine. I cringe when peoples say they 'are a bit OCD' I've been diagnosed as having OCD for many years and it's something I wouldn't wish on anybody. Ive had years of therapy, and finally feel like I have it under control but when it was at it's worst I couldn't see a way out and considered ending it all. Luckily with an amazing and supportive (boyfriend at the time) husband I got through it.

Softkitty2 · 23/01/2017 16:14

What is it to you? Do you know if she actually does or doesn't have it?

Again someone looking for something to be offended about.

BBCNewsRave · 23/01/2017 16:42

The thing is, a lot of things are on a scale from "not having any signs of it at all" to "diagnosed and severe". At some point there's a cut-off point for being diagnosed or not.

Saying "these people have OCD" and dismissing others as "just fussy" doesn't help matters. I can't relax or concentrate if certain things are out of place in my home, it's ike it's screaming at me to put it back in the right place. After a long haul flight, knackered, having sublet my flat whilst abroad, I had to clean everything and straighten everything up... I was weeping as I did it because I was so exhausted and just wanted to sleep, but couldn't until everything was clean/in place. I've a friend who always moves my kettle if she makes tea and it makes me all twitchy, I feel so embarassed but I have to put the kettle back where it belongs. Also fingers on screens as a PP mentioned, or having the TV volume end in a certain number. Blush And a few other things.

Should I be scorned for being "fussy" when it causes me mental and almost physical pain when these things are out of place?

Sallystyle · 23/01/2017 16:58

BBC maybe you actually have OCD?

If it is causing you great distress I would go see someone if you haven't already to see if you can get a diagnosis. Mental and physical pain with those compulsions is a problem and doesn't come under the bracket of being particular.

No one here that I can see has a problem with people saying they struggle with obsessions and compulsive behaviour. No one has a problem with people saying they think the may have it but have yet to be diagnosed.

The people who use it flippantly and they usually giggle while saying it are the problem. Someone at work said they were a bit OCD and laughed because they were particular over making sure the paper work was done on time. They weren't distressed, they just liked things done on time. That is trivialising OCD.

FrankensteinsSister · 23/01/2017 19:08

BBC, I second that you may well have OCD.
Of course, once diagnosed, symptoms can range from mild to severe. You'll likely experience both ends of that spectrum at points in your life, depending on access to treatment and stress levels.

LucklessMonster · 23/01/2017 19:33

BBCNewsRave If I feel like my hands aren't clean, I can't think about anything else until I can wash them. But I haven't diagnosed myself with OCD and wouldn't refer to myself as "a bit OCD" when explaining why I'm washing my hands.

I certainly wouldn't use it when I want things to be symmetrical or in a certain order because they look nicer when ordered. And that's when most people use the phrase "I'm a bit OCD."

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