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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is something seriously wrong with me?

81 replies

IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:14

I found out today that I've failed my probationary period at work and won't be kept on. I was told it was because although I was good at the job and worked hard I didn't fit in to the team and struggled with the social side of things. Not those exact words obviously but that was the gist of it.

I have been crying and upset all afternoon because I feel like such a fuck up as this is not the first time this has happened to me. I'm only 27 years old but this marks the 4th probation period I've failed in 7 years (I didn't even get my first job until I was 20!) and it is always the same every time - "you work hard but you don't really fit in here."

But I don't understand it! I feel like there's something wrong with me and that there's something wrong with my brain and it doesn't work properly because I have no idea what you have to do in order to fit in with people or make friends.

I've never had any friends ever. I still live at home and have never left home before because I struggle to hold a job down and always struggle to get a full time one. I have never had a relationship. People call me weird because I'm so socially inept and say and do weird things and obsess about people and things. I also get distracted a lot and need to fidget and move around a lot - so clapping my hands, fidgeting with my hair.

I am such a fuck up but I have no clue how to fit in or be normal. I feel like I will never change or get anywhere in life and that people still see me as an annoying immature kid Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:16

I want to get a full time. I want to be able to keep it. I want to move out and have friends and relationships and be normal but I don't know how Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:17

I don't even feel like a human. I feel like a robot who is just pretending to be and trying to mimic other people but I'm always ten steps out of sync Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:18

I want to get a full time job that should say...

OP posts:
festiveleadballoon · 18/01/2017 18:19

This is so so sad to read

Please don't try fit in with everyone out there

Normal is fucking boring anyway

CakeFlowers

festiveleadballoon · 18/01/2017 18:20

Have you spoken to a gp about your worries at all?

SorrelSoup · 18/01/2017 18:21

I think that's a shitty reason to not pass a probation.

Original poster
IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:21

But I want to be normal Sad

Everyone can see that I'm not normal though and that there is something wrong with me.

That's why I was hated and bullied throughout school and never had any friends.

I've even been bullied as an adult before by people younger than me.

Everyone knows I'm not right.

OP posts:
SerialBodenReturner · 18/01/2017 18:21

I don't have the answers but didn't want to read without replying.

I'm sorry your job didn't work out and you're struggling socially. I'm not at all qualified to say this, but from just reading your post it sounds as though you may have some social anxiety/other issues that might benefit from being diagnosed and getting some tailored support. Is thst something your parents could help you with?

Original poster
IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:22

I don't know what to say to a GP or what they can do.

OP posts:
CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 18/01/2017 18:24

I think you need to read up on ASD and female presentation of it. See if you can relate to any of it.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 18/01/2017 18:25

Have you ever considered that you might be on the autistic spectrum OP? It certainly sounds like you might be - you struggle socially and say you have obsessions.

It might be worth looking into.

itsbetterthanabox · 18/01/2017 18:25

I can't believe they think that's acceptable as reason.
If you are good at your job, reliable and amicable enough with coworkers that should be enough!
What field are you in?

witchofzog · 18/01/2017 18:25

Don't want to read and run. I don't have any proper knowledge to make concrete suggestions but this sounds really hard. Especially the not knowing why. It might be a good idea to visit your GP to ascertain if there is anything undiagnosed. If there is work places will have to make some sort of suitable adjustment to support you to settle in better.

For tonight be kind to yourself, have a long bath, read a book, watch some shite telly and call your gp surgery tomorrow

PovertyJetset · 18/01/2017 18:25

Can you ask for specific examples?

Without wanting to make you feel worse, do you have any other needs that mean you are unable to control your repeated behaviours, or your obsessing? You sound a bit like my nephew- and he is ASD. He gets obsessed about things and focuses on them, struggles with small talk and often doesn't "get" humour/banter. He is a lovely person with many great qualities and works in an admin role that he likes and can just get his head down with.

Have you considered working for a larger employer like a local authority who have a more inclusive employment policy?

Try not to let it get the better of you.

MayhemandMadness01 · 18/01/2017 18:26

If you feel that there is something different anout you, please discuss with your GP. If there is something, then you can get advice on that condition with coping strategies which might help you. Also, you may then have some protection in law as employers have to make adjustments for health conditions.

witchofzog · 18/01/2017 18:27

And please change your name lovely. You are NOT a loser. Flowers

Underthemoonlight · 18/01/2017 18:28

Have you been diagnosed with any social disorders op? If not I agree it's worth looking at because there's support out there you could access.Flowers

SurelyYoureJokingMrFeynman · 18/01/2017 18:28
Thanks

I've seen a lot of posters here with ASD saying very similar things to you.

And also saying that they've actually found ways to be live life very successfully - it's just hard work in a world not designed around ASD.

Original poster
IAmALoser · 18/01/2017 18:29

I've been told that it's because I don't make an effort with coworkers or work as a team but I do try my best to fit in.

I always come in and do my job the best I can and then leave. I don't know what else I'm supppsed to do.

OP posts:
GizmoFrisby · 18/01/2017 18:29

What witchofzog said CakeFlowers

Bluntness100 · 18/01/2017 18:29

Ok, I'm not sure how to advise either, but there seems to be something in the fidgeting, moving, clapping uour hands etc that may be an indication of being an issue in work environments. Maybe being bullied has led to some social anxiety that you are still struggling with.

Normal is a silly word, and I'm sure you are "right" but how to interact in the work environment will be important. Maybe as you're looking for another job uou could try some volunteer work? Ask for some honest feedback from one specific person?

Also just explain to your doctor, they will be able to advice on what's available to you in terms of counciling, as I suspect that's all that's needed.

RiversrunWoodville · 18/01/2017 18:29

It sounds like a cliche but you are not a loser. Everyone is different. If you don't mind me asking what line of work are you in?
I don't like social situations either, even probably have social anxiety although luckily now it doesn't matter as I work from home but when I did work out (of home not work out as in fitness!!) I tended to keep myself to myself as far as possible but worked hard the way you describe. I was in retail though and ended up going the management ladder quickly (perhaps because I didn't really take the time to fit in and ended up in area management before going into being self employed as I just hated working with people).

deadpool99 · 18/01/2017 18:30

Op, sorry you are having such hard time. Agree with others about looking into if u have ASD

Jennie1978 · 18/01/2017 18:30

Everyone is different. Are there particular social things you struggle with?
It might be worth speaking to your gp. Some of the traits that you are describing might be associated with ASD.

Blossomdeary · 18/01/2017 18:31

You are who you are and need to be proud of this. But if there are aspects of who you are that are standing in your way from doing what you wish, then the advice to see GP is a good one; and to bone up on ASD.