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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you asked/told your partner you wanted to start TTC?

50 replies

HairsprayBabe · 18/01/2017 13:13

Just that really, did you have a big discussion or did you just mention it in passing one day and they were on board?

Did you meet a friends new baby and you both "just knew"?

I have always been along the lines of see cute baby on telly/in the park/friends kid and then said "awwh I want one" etc. But now I really want to start thinking about it properly, and I don't know how to bring it up for real!

Been with DP nearly 6 years, both have good jobs etc. so there is nothing financially us holding back. Mid 20's so we have time on our side, non smokers etc and I am very almost a healthy weight now! So I think we are almost ready, I just don't want to make it a big deal or weird in any way.

SO how did you bring it up before TTC?

OP posts:

Whatsername17 · 18/01/2017 13:18

I said 'after we get married and after I've been a bridesmaid for my friend I want to try for baby. Dh said 'when will that be?' I said 'October'. Dd was born the following July. The second time around it was dh who kept telling me he really wanted another baby.

RiversrunWoodville · 18/01/2017 13:20

I literally did the "I want one" although it was really I want another one as dd1 was accidental when on contraception although he knew from the moment we met I wanted more than one as we are both only children and both agreed

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 18/01/2017 13:24

DS1 we had a contraceptive failure, but with current pregnancy we carefully discussed all the reasons we wouldn't try for a second at the moment, and after putting it off for months I went and got a coil put in. That night DH and I sat in gluml silence on the sofa, and finally I said 'Are you as miserable about this as I am?' The next day I went back to the (confused) family planning clinic and got it taken back out, and four months later I'm three months pregnant .

happystory · 18/01/2017 13:26

We both knew we wanted children ASAP and we stopped contraception when we knew we could move from a 1 bed flat to a house. Took 7 years for that baby to arrive mind you!

sum1killthepawpatrollers · 18/01/2017 13:30

i told him he had the choice of baby or dog.
3 times he picked baby! think he was just happy as it meant he would be getting lots of sex..... or so he thought, fell preg all 3 times the 1st month of trying

CostaAddict · 18/01/2017 13:36

We were discussing my career and me starting a masters degree. I said I'd like to do it but I want a baby more. So then he said ok, we'll have another baby. And that started the ball rolling for DS2.

DS1 was a 'happy accident' 6 years previous. And I get to do my masters next year

BoredOnMatLeave · 18/01/2017 14:03

Stumbled across an article that said if you want 3 kids you should start trying at 23, I was 23. Mentioned it to DP and he said let's start then. Turns out we had both been wanting one for a while anyway. That article was complete rubbish btw. We were due to go on holiday that month so used that as our final blow out and started TTC the day we came back. Now every time I see a newborn I say I want another... He agrees.

pinkie1982 · 18/01/2017 14:11

we decided that we both wanted a baby (previously we both didn't - I brought up the subject one day and he said he thought the same now too). We had a big wedding/holiday booked the following year where DP was best man. I didn't want to go with a baby or pregnant as quite far to go so we decided to wait until after that. I finished my pill the week after we got home and that was it!

Snowflakes1122 · 18/01/2017 14:17

It was something that came up early in our relationship (wanting kids in future)
I can't remember how it came about, but we were on the same page.

Has he every brought up wanting kids?

Snowflakes1122 · 18/01/2017 14:17

Ever, not every!

ymmv · 18/01/2017 14:18

I'd been getting broodier and muttering about my age with increasing frequency until I basically said, "I'm ready when you are". Couple of months later he thought he was as ready as he'd ever be. Turns out we both were under the impression we wouldn't conceive first attempt (or even for a while) but we're at a lull in the panic now (2nd trimester).

foxessocks · 18/01/2017 14:21

we had talked about it before we got married and both agreed we wanted a baby fairly soon after our wedding so we agreed I'd stop taking the pill a few months after and that was that really! We'd had a few conversations in the past about having children and when we wanted them and had agreed roughly what age we wanted to be etc. With my second dh wanted about a 2 year gap so he just said to let me know when I was ready so I did! We have a 2.5 year gap.

NerrSnerr · 18/01/2017 14:24

We discussed it on our honeymoon for the first child so I got the implant removed when we got home. The second we decided it was the right time. Neither of us told the other one, definitely a 50-50 discussion.

WeirdButTrue · 18/01/2017 14:28

Not long after we started seeing each other BF (now DH) asked me if I wanted children. I said that definitely yes but not at any set point in time I.e I didn't have a planned ideal timeline in my head for marriage by 25 kids by 28 etc. I asked him the same and he said he didn't actively not want children, but wasn't sure he definitely did want them either. Then literally a few weeks later he just threw it out there that he not only definitely did want kids, he thought we should get straight on the case and we started trying pretty much right away. Funny looking back, thanks for making me remember this OP & good luck broaching the subject

Original poster

HairsprayBabe · 18/01/2017 14:39

Snowflakes he is definitely up for kids, but I think it is more of an abstract idea than a reality to him.

I think I like the after we have done X bunch, that way there is a fixed point, and we can always change our mind if we get there and it isn't right.

In terms of time scales I would like two or one and another on the way by 30. We both agree 3 over all.

OP posts:

Snowflakes1122 · 18/01/2017 15:18

As he definitely wants kids, I don't think it's unreasonable to have a chat about timelines for ttc.

My friend got the ball rolling with her DH by coming up to see us with our newborn. She got him to hold baby too. Knew she was up to something...it worked though. They had a baby 10 months later!

Caterina99 · 18/01/2017 15:40

DH and I were together for 10 years before DS was born as we met at uni. We always said from quite early on that we wanted kids so it was really just finding the right time for us. We waited to get promoted/move house/ have that big holiday etc and we both agreed and started trying on the holiday and I got pregnant second month trying.

ailPartout · 18/01/2017 15:47

It is a big deal. One of the biggest deals in your life so don't worry about making it one.

We'd talked about children before getting married so knew we were on the same page.

I said to him (in August-ish), we should try for a baby next year and got a 'yes', sounds good. I think the rugby was on.

On Jan 18th (I remember), I said, "I think we should try for a baby", he said when, I got him to look up from his book and I was wearing my best (new) bra and knickers.

After we'd done the deed (condoms until that point), there was a lot of giggling, strange eye contact, more giggling etc. The same was repeated 3 or 4 times and even more nervous giggling when I got a BFP. By that point he'd taken the lead. Every day he'd give me a few litres of water and stand looking excited with a test in his hand!

I think giving them a time scale, being open about when etc makes a difference. Talking about it with a view to it being in the future instead of "lets make a baby" (with legs akimbo) as both of you need to come to terms with it: for want of a better phrase.

MrsKoala · 18/01/2017 15:53

I needed my coil changed so i said i thought it was pointless as we'd be etc in the next year (we had discussed wanting children on the first date because i had left my first H because he didn't want kids so i didn't want to make that mistake again. Plus i was knocking on at 34yo so it had to be soon). He said fine but not quite ready yet so said he'd use condoms for another 6 months.

I think it's a fairly standard conversation to have and wouldn't worry at all about bringing it up with someone who i was married to.

Autumnsweater · 18/01/2017 15:55

I think we had quite a few chats about it over the years, first about wanting children in the future, then chats for a few years about timescale/what we'd like to do before having children, then the year we decided that we'd like to start trying now.. so it developed over time which meant it never felt that weird to talk about. Just ask him when he can picture himself being a father, how many children he'd like to have etc, and then chat about whether that's realistic for the both of you.

Ragwort · 18/01/2017 16:02

It was the other way round for us - after 12 years of being (happily & by choice) 'child free' - DH said he had changed his mind and would really like to have a child - I sort of went along with the idea, assuming that I was too old (41) ............... DS was born a year later .

MrsStinkey · 18/01/2017 16:03

I just said to DH that I'd really like a baby once we were married and didn't want to wait around. He was on board. We were married in the June and DD1 was born in the Feb after. Took years before I felt ready for another but just after DD1's 3rd birthday I told DH I'd really like to add to our family and again he was happy. DD1 announced to our friends and family that she was going to be a big sister on her 4th birthday. We've always been open about what our wishes were for a family from very early on so have never found it a hard subject to talk about.

fruityb · 18/01/2017 16:08

OH had always been clear he wanted kids. And the first time a discussion came up was when I took him a brew while he was having a bath and he asked as I was leaving "what are we going to do about kids then?" And we had a chat!

It was a year before we decided it was time to start, I came off the pill three years last November and two years later I was pregnant. It took a long long time and we were preparing for disappointment. However I am now typing this with my little man asleep on my arm.

When we got engaged OH said he still wanted a baby first and it wasn't a thing that he wanted to get married first. We basically saw it as we could get married whenever but a baby needed working on!

I still find it the ultimate compliment that he wanted children with me. He is a brilliant dad.

maccheese · 18/01/2017 16:08

One night we had sex without a condom (heat of the moment and all that jazz) and then afterwards we talked about the risks of doing that and decided actually let's never wear a condom and try for a baby because that's what we both want!

witsender · 18/01/2017 16:20

Dh suggested it actually. We got married, and had been planning on waiting until my job changed and I would have got better maternity packages etc...But then dh suggested why wait. Took 6 months from there.

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