To ask how you asked/told your partner you wanted to start TTC?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just that really, did you have a big discussion or did you just mention it in passing one day and they were on board?

Did you meet a friends new baby and you both "just knew"?

I have always been along the lines of see cute baby on telly/in the park/friends kid and then said "awwh I want one" etc. But now I really want to start thinking about it properly, and I don't know how to bring it up for real!

Been with DP nearly 6 years, both have good jobs etc. so there is nothing financially us holding back. Mid 20's so we have time on our side, non smokers etc and I am very almost a healthy weight now! So I think we are almost ready, I just don't want to make it a big deal or weird in any way.

SO how did you bring it up before TTC?

[SparkleShinyGlitter]

Me and dh had been together 18 years and always said we never wanted dc. One night we were talking and dh said he'd quite like one and I said well I wouldn't mind either

I got pregnant first month of trying, and thank goodness the pregnancy all went well. Dd arrived last August. We will only be having one baby but I'm so glad we done it

[HairsprayBabe]

Sorry for your loss pink

I think that is a good point about working on a stressful project Bertie

I got pg accidentally at 18 and hadn't made any decisions about what I was going to do, but I miscarried at about 10 weeks anyway. I'm not sure I ever figured out how I felt about it because the decision was made for me by biology. I really had put babies out of my mind until about 3 or 4 months ago.

[Pinkheart5915]

We'd been together about 3 years and were talking one night, and dh said shall we go for it and we did. I got pregnant first month of trying but my dd was stillborn at 35 weeks

It took us years to even think of trying again, but we spoke about it and said we both wanted children so we should just go for it again. Again I got pregnant very quickly I now have a 16 month old ds.

When ds was a few weeks old I told dh I wanted another one and we now have dd who is 5 months old.

Btw we didn't marry until ds was born. We booked a holiday to San Francisco to see my family and said 2 weeks before let's get married while there. Not being married did not stop me having a baby

[BertieBotts]

"When do you think would be a good time to start having children?" would be a good opener without the alarm of "Let's have a baby NOW!" and gives you a chance to discuss things like weddings and mortgages in relation to babies.

FWIW I highly recommend doing either the house buying or the marriage thing before you have children because it's a kind of "practice run" of working together on something which is highly stressful and emotionally important and not an easy thing to go back on, and see how you handle it together. If it goes well, you're probably ready to look at parenthood. If it throws up issues, you know what you need to work on. If it splits you up (hopefully not!!) at least there is no third person involved.

[Crispyturtle]

Can't really remember with DD, we had been waiting for me to qualify & get a job before TTC but I can't remember having a specific 'we are now TTC' conversation. With no 2 (currently 4 months pregnant) I went to my 6 week PN check up after DD & the GP really pushed contraception, I said to DP later that I really didn't want to start hormonal contraception again & he said something along the lines of 'well we know we want another so don't bother'. We weren't exactly wearing out the bed springs at that point as DD was tiny and always awake and I was EBF so it didn't happen immediately.

[annlee3817]

DH started hinting that he might be getting a little broody, so I asked outright when he wanted to start trying as knew he wanted children and we were coming up to mid 30's, we agreed to start trying the following year after my friends wedding, a month after that conversation I found out I was pregnant due to a contraceptive failure, so that was that :D

[annlee3817]

DH started hinting that he might be getting a little broody, so I asked outright when he wanted to start trying as knew he wanted children and we were coming up to mid 30's, we agreed to start trying the following year after my friends wedding, a month after that conversation I found out I was pregnant due to a contraceptive failure, so that was that :D

[HairsprayBabe]

MooMoo no sorry, not you, just people saying I would be foolish to do it unmarried, or that I would essentially be relying on DPs wage... that is a lot of assumptions to make!

Not that I don't want to be married, this is just a separate issue for us.

Like I said I am not asking about timing, it's more about how other people asked

[MrsRhubarb]

We kept saying we weren't quite ready yet. Married young, had a house in need of lots of work, lots of time on our side so we weren't in any rush. Then we had a month where we went on holiday and weren't particularly careful with contraception. I was late that month, which got us both going "What if...?" When AF arrived, we were both disappointed which was unexpected, so we decided that maybe we were ready after all! DD was conceived the next month, so pleased we went for it!

[MissMooMoo]

Hope I didn't offend with my marriage comment hairspray I was just pointing out that it may be something that is important to one person and holds no weight for another. I really had no idea until I brought up TTC with my partner that he would feel like that.

[Gooseygoosey12345]

Also, marriage isn't really relevant. We are engaged but that's because marriage is important TO ME, nothing to do with having a baby for me and having a baby shouldn't dictate whether you should be married or it. You seem to have practically thought about things, we decided we wanted a baby then talked about practicality after deciding we'd actually try. You sound well prepared

[Gooseygoosey12345]

I did the "let's have a baby".
In fairness we'd both said we didn't want more children, both have children from previous relationships and I think we were both worried about being single parents again. But after a few years of a solid relationship it just felt right, and he agreed, and now I'm 14 weeks pregnant :)

[HairsprayBabe]

Also I think it is a little bit sexist that some of you assumed that my DP would be the higher earner and that I would take the career break/go part time, without asking first.

[fruityb]

Being married wouldn't have made the slightest difference to us.

[HairsprayBabe]

Other than legal protection I am not sure what marriage has to do with anything.

I am the higher earner by about 10% and in the lucky position to have a years full pay maternity package and a subsidised creche at my work, plus we have local support from two eager pairs of potential grandparents.

I wasn't asking if we should TTC yet, just how you first brought it up with your partner properly.

Anyway, we had a chat last night and my coil is due out in 18 months so we will start TTC after that. Hopefully I will have lost this last 1/2 stone by then so I am a healthy weight.

[Banana25]

After my endometriosis diagnosis a couple of years ago. We both knew we wanted children at some point, it just encouraged us to try a bit sooner than planned. So we got married, saved hard, I got a job with a very generous maternity package and that was that really.

Still no success in terms of actually MAKING a baby, but we're still trying.

[user1471496670]

DP was the one who started dropping not so subtle hints! I didn't want children until he started mentioning it....now we've been TTC 3mths and I've become baby-obsessed!

[ConvincingLiar]

If your personal finances/career are likely to take a hit from having maternity leave/part time working/child caring commitments, I would be talking about marriage first. Especially if he is a higher earner.

[MissMooMoo]

Always knew we both wanted kids but for DH it was very important that we owned a property and we were married before we had any. I would have had them before marriage and in our rented flat!
His mum died when he was 7 and he had a absent father so I think for him both those things were what he would have liked when he was a child and didn't have.
We bought a flat and got married the year after that.
Waited a year after our wedding to TTC and I am now 23 weeks pregnant.
I was ready about 6 years ago but DH was not so we waited, I think it is really important that both people are on board with the idea.

[TheAtheist]

You'd be very foolish to TTC without being married IMO.

[HairsprayBabe]

Some of these stories are so lovely!

Just to make clear I am not worried about asking him, I just don't want him to feel pressured if he isn't ready yet, for all I know he might want to wait till next year when we have bought a house or till we are married or something. I doubt he has a plan as he is a very much go with the flow type person. I am very aware of time though, even though we are both 25.

[Londonjam]

Similar to Catarina , we got together at uni and 9 years later were married. We started trying a year after that. It's over a year now and still not pregnant - we're starting fertility tests. We're both 33. If you're in your 30s I would get cracking.

[yaela123]

We have both always wanted quite a big family and almost a year after marrying I was 26 and we realised we should probably get a move on! He actually first suggested it. 1 year later DS was born.

DH is almost 8 yrs older than his next brother (he's the oldest of 4 but they're very spread out) and always wished they were closer in age. We started trying for number 2 when DS was 17 months cos we thought it'd take ages (DS took over a year). I suggested it that time in the heat of the moment something like 'we don't want number two then?' and he laughed and left the condom in its wrapper We'd both kinda hinted at it before though. Pregnant after two weeks!

Numbers 3 and 4 less interesting stories. We decided we'd stop at four so I was on the pill. Somehow I got pregnant though (missed a day) just 7 months after DC3 was born and it was twins! Turns out I get pregnant very easily. So now I've got 6 but definately no more. I'm 43 so it's not going to happen.

[Dashper]

After we'd been adamantly child-free for 13 years and got married, DH said he'd like children after all. And I thought "why not?"

[SquedgieBeckenheim]

First time, I had been planning to do a year long uni course but that ended up not happening so I suggested we have a baby instead. Then I started doing a 6 month course and suggested we stop trying, the next day got a positive pregnancy test. Still did my course!
This time, we had been talking for 6 months about if/when to have number 2, agreed it was now or never. Went on a weekend away leaving DD at home with grandparents, came back pregnant!