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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... To be annoyed at parents organising parties for the last week in January

271 replies

Everexpanding · 17/01/2017 15:51

Is it not a truth universally acknowledged that the vast majority of people are super skint the last week in January, could you wait one more week to organise your child's party, four invites received this week for this weekend arghhh small school everyone knows when parties are on, just enough for food seriously can't stretch to four presents, everything broke this month super screwed

OP posts:
PebbleInTheMoonlight · 17/01/2017 17:37

YABU not everyone gets paid at the beginning/end of the month.

Ours is a mid month payroll so the 2nd week of the month is appalling for us if we're having a skint month.

TinselTwins · 17/01/2017 17:40

and DS isn't that bothered about going. then that is why he's declining, why re-brand it as politeness? it's not, when the kids invite people they really hope as many of them as possible will come!

I try to make it to as many parties as possible, unless it's a kid that's been upsetting/bullying the DDs. We've never experienced it ourselves but I've been to a party when we were one of the few who turned up and it was the most heart breaking thing ever!

IMO it doesn't matter if you're empty handed, just turning up is a nice thing to do, and it means I don't have to plan activities that weekend- win/win

kierenthecommunity · 17/01/2017 17:42

How old are the kids? I'm assuming quite young if they're still at the whole class party stage.

Only our Aldi had a load of reduced Orchard Toys Games from Xmas in the other day, they were only three quid Smile

Is it sad I'm a bit disappointed that I was expecting my reception boy to be invited to loads of parties and he's only been to two? And I don't think it's necessarily a not being invited thing I just don't think people have had them

Andrewofgg · 17/01/2017 17:44

Obviously nobody should DTD at the end of April Grin

TheDowagerCuntess · 17/01/2017 17:44

Not everyone gets paid at the end of the month though, do they?

I get paid every fortnight (Govt department), and DH gets paid on the 15th.

So the second half of the month is when we have the most disposable income.

bumsexatthebingo · 17/01/2017 17:45

Yabu. People tend to have kids parties at the weekend one side or other of their childs birthday. And people get paid at different times so it is u to expect people to try and work out the most convenient time for every guest.
My kids don't expect presents though. And if it's a big party I wouldn't even necessarily know who has got what. I always send a thank you text to everyone for coming and for gifts but by the time we are home my kids have already opened some at the party and cards and tags have become unattached so there are only a few we actually know who they are from.
My kids love it when their friends make cards though and treasure these more than the gifts. Get your child to make 4 cards and go and have fun. No need to explain your financial situation at all.

SomethingLikeFlying · 17/01/2017 17:45

I agree it definitely does not matter about the presents. If you can't afford one then most normal parents will be totally fine with this and probably won't even notice. I certainly wouldn't mind. It's the being there that matters more.
Although some arsehole parents will probably be doing present checklists to see who gave one and who didn't Hmm

FarAwayHills · 17/01/2017 17:47

Lots of reduced stuff about at this time of the year, good idea to stock up on little things for upcoming parties.

OP how about decorating a few jars or mug and filling with sweets and a few bits from Poundland. Cards can be homemade. Birthday parties don't have to be expensive.

manicinsomniac · 17/01/2017 17:48

Well, yes, YABU but I'm guessing you knew that before you posted and really just wanted to have a well justified rant about how difficult things are. No crime in that. It must be a never ending stress when you have to count literally ever penny.

The last weekend of any month is the best for me because I always get paid on the 24th on the month. But I suspect that's quite unusual, I don't know. Everyone talks about the squeeze of the end of the month anyway so I'm guessing your situation is more common.

my2bundles · 17/01/2017 17:48

The party is held close to the child's birthday, for the benefit of the birthday child. If this annoys you you can decline the invite. Don't expect birthday children to organise their party's for your convenience 😖 And just be greatfull your child has an invite for heavens sake.

ShelaghTurner · 17/01/2017 17:50

We're skint too and my two have early Jan birthdays. They would be utterly delighted with a box of maltesers. Nothing else would compare!

rookiemere · 17/01/2017 17:51

Somethinglike - most "arsehole" parents are probably keeping a list of who sent what for the thank you notes, not for any baser purpose.

FarAwayHills · 17/01/2017 17:52

The no presents idea is great MapMyMum especially with whole class parties.

TinselTwins · 17/01/2017 18:01

Is it sad I'm a bit disappointed that I was expecting my reception boy to be invited to loads of parties and he's only been to two? And I don't think it's necessarily a not being invited thing I just don't think people have had them

At DDs school the ones with a big ex-pat community from their parents' country in the area tend to have their own ready rent-a-crowd for parties so I find we only get invited to those parties if DDs are besties with birthday girl, or if DH and I am friends with the parents - they're much more multi-generational and don't tend to be a room full of kids all exactly the same age.

Then sometimes I begin to wonder if one of the DDs has no friends that year because she's had no invites at all.. then in May we're back-to-backing 4 parties a weekend LOL! - sometimes birthdays are in clusters.

(and obv lots of people do smaller parties too, some do no parties and do family outings)

Wheredidallthejaffacakesgo · 17/01/2017 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumsexatthebingo · 17/01/2017 18:13

rookiemere do kids do thank you notes in your area? My kids say thank you when a friend gives them a gift and I then send a group thank you out by text to everyone who came. Is a third not unnecessary and also overly formal for a kids party? How are the notes distributed? I would hate to be highlighting those who didn't bring a gift. And also, like I said, few tags and cards are still on presents when they are opened so I wouldn't be able to make any kind of list of who got what if I wanted to.

Gooseberryfools · 17/01/2017 18:17

Just text them before the party and say the gift, an amazon delivery hasn't arrived and won't be with you for another week. So you'll take the gift into school when it arrives and sorry for the delay.

TinselTwins · 17/01/2017 18:18

bumsex it's good to know who gave what (not who didn't) because invariably someone will ask you at pick up "hope the present was okay? wasn't sure if TinselsTot is into that sort of thing yet?" and then you don't have to blag and make a tit of yourself

LTBforGin · 17/01/2017 18:20

Don't accept all the invitations.

Missanneshirley · 17/01/2017 18:21

I love the posters who reckon the op is skint just because she's not organised enough to have saved for Xmas ConfusedAngry

As I think only 1 sensible pp has said, if you're living hand to mouth all year, all the twee mn advice about buying a handy little stash of presents / having Christmas smugly done and dusted by August just AREN'T possible.

Op you have my full understanding and sympathy- cheap present ideas I've used are - book people box sets split up - books can work out at less than £1 each then just add some sweets. T-shirt in the sale plus sweets. Charity shop finds.

Good luck!

TurkeyDinosaurs · 17/01/2017 18:22

Get lost OP. I enjoy January as it's my husband's and dd1's birthday. Don't go to the parties if you don't want - they may not want your sullen face darkening their door anyway?

bumsexatthebingo · 17/01/2017 18:24

I get that it's good to know Tinsel but when you have a whole class party and the presents tend to have been wrapped by the kids and not all labeled to start with. Add to that some people put gifts they have brought into other large gift bags that are on the table labelled from other people. Then a good few tags/cards come off presents in transit home . So unless I'm gong to sit at my parties with a tick sheet taking names I think I look less of a tit just asking the parent to remind me what they got tbh.

TinselTwins · 17/01/2017 18:27

it's really not that complicated an operation, there's usually one or two with misplaced gift tags (but then you know that the 2 untagged ones belong to one of the two lose tags at least) and the rest tend to have a card selotaped onto the wrapping)

OopsDearyMe · 17/01/2017 18:32

Just laughing at someone saying you don't need to spend much just a fiver! Do you realise how much £5 is to some people. May not sound much to you!

bumsexatthebingo · 17/01/2017 18:33

I've usually found it to be a lot more than one or 2. Never had a problem in a decade with just thanking people at the time and sending another general message after. Also never had a formal thank you note in what must have been near 100 parties my kids have attended over the years.