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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About school drop off?

48 replies

autumnkate · 17/01/2017 11:52

I don't think I am?

I work part time (2 days) and my husband works full time. DH has recently started a new job which means he has to take the bus. Our kids go to breakfast and tea club on the 2 days I work. He says he can no longer do the drop offs due to the bus as he will be too late for work (he won't, just later than he would like) and wants me to do it.

The issue is I already leave work at 4 to pick the kids up from tea club. I really need to get to work early (7.30) so that a) I can get my work done and b) I don't look like a complete slacker.

I have offered to do drop offs if he does pick up (he can work flexi time) but he says no.

I can feel myself getting ready to give in because we have always prioritised his job over mine (higher earner).

But WIBU to stand my ground and say he has to either pick up or drop off?

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 17/01/2017 11:57

He needs to compromise!

BellyBean · 17/01/2017 11:58

Stand your ground! He works flexi, he needs to allow you to work too.

enfru · 17/01/2017 11:59

He's their parent too it shouldn't just fall to you to do all the school runs.

Stand your ground and tell him you can't and won't be doing it all

DeathStare · 17/01/2017 12:02

So he used to do drop offs and now doesn't want to any more because of his new job?

I think your answer just needs to be Ok then. Let me know what arrangements you sort out but I'm afraid I can't do it and just repeat every time the issue comes up. And make sure you leave before him!

Original poster
autumnkate · 17/01/2017 12:06

Well it's not the new job, more the new morning commute. His argument is that I can drop them in the car and then head onto work which is obviously easier than him driving them to school and then getting the bus. The issue for me is that will mean I don't get to work til after 8am which will make my day very difficult. But not impossible.

Doubting myself now!

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 17/01/2017 12:10

I do all the drop offs (breakfast club, childminder, bus stop) as DH starts work at 7.30, he does all the pick ups (childminder, afterschool club) as I generally finish after 6pm. It only works because we each respect the other's job and recognise that we are equally important. Definitely stand your ground. I'd be blunt and say that he was in effect telling everyone that your time and priorities were less important than his and ask did he actually believe that?

Mehfruittea · 17/01/2017 12:12

I personally would do it for an agreed period, say 12 months max. To support him in settling in to the new job that pays your bills (some of them) This is your contribution, which makes your pt work plus support an equally important contribution to the overall running of the family.

llangennith · 17/01/2017 12:14

Stop doubting yourself! When you have children you both have to make compromises, especially when they're young. Your DH needs to be told firmly that while it may be a bit inconvenient for him, he's going to have to do drop offs. And as pp suggested make sure you leave the house before him.

MummaGiles · 17/01/2017 12:14

I'm sure there's a reason but why can't he drive to work if he would drive to school and then get the bus? Why does he need to get the bus?

BertPuttocks · 17/01/2017 12:16

If he can't do the drop-offs or pick-ups, he needs to look into a solution to the problem. That could be either through flexitime or paying someone else to take over this responsibility.

He doesn't get to opt out of his school responsibilities and expect you to pick up all the slack. You are meant to be equal partners, not boss and underling.

DolphinDays · 17/01/2017 12:23

You've got the car, he has to go on the bus, sorry I think you should do it at least for a trial period to see how it goes. Drop off is far easier when you have a car and can just carry on to your work.

Waggamamma · 17/01/2017 12:23

I understand that he will want to make agood impression in his new job by getting to work early. But your job is important too.

Could you book kids into breakfast club those two days so that you can both get in early?

Original poster
autumnkate · 17/01/2017 12:29

Just to clarify, the new job has no parking apart from an £8 a day car park.

And the kids start breakfast club at 7.30.

I know it would be easier for me, I don't dispute that at all. I just don't think I can do my job in those hours.

I guess I feel he wants to have his cake and eat it too- sahm who does all pick ups, drop off, cooks dinner, washing and ironing etc AND brings in some money.

Ho hum. Thanks guys, lots of food for thought.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 17/01/2017 12:30

This is something he failed to mention before taking the job. He needs to find a solution, which is workable to you both, not just dump it on you as the part time and therefore less paid parent. Your job should be treated as equally as important to his.

FrayedHem · 17/01/2017 12:32

No YANBU. Your job may not pay as much, but that doesn't make your employer less important. In fact, part time jobs are often fiercely sought after and I would go all out to protect that.

empirerecordsrocked · 17/01/2017 12:34

He'll have to pay for the parking?

NavyandWhite · 17/01/2017 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CotswoldStrife · 17/01/2017 12:36

So this is only an issue for 2 days a week, or did he do all the drop offs before (not just the two that you were working).

If you only have one car and you don't need it when you are in work, could he drive in on those two days? It would mean megabucks parking fees but less hassle may be worth it! Or a childminder (if they start that early, I know a friend found one that did) to take them to breakfast club?

It would cost more, but it would give you a more relaxed start to your day which would be worth it Grin

Quartz2208 · 17/01/2017 12:36

The point is you dont think you can do your job in those hours so regardless of whether it is logistically easier for you you can not do your job. So unfortunately I think twice a week he needs to do it, its his responsibility

NavyandWhite · 17/01/2017 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/01/2017 12:37

Part of you going back to work and bringing money in is your DH being able to take up an increasing share of childcare responsibilities, including the school run. Part of the cost of being a SAHM is not bringing in money, the main benefit is the working parent never having to worry about childcare cover. Yes, your DH does want his cake and to eat it too. You have a responsibility to your employer just like he does to his.

WonderMike · 17/01/2017 12:37

Is the £8 charge the only thing stopping him from doing the drop off and then driving in? If so, you both need to ask whether the cost is worth it - in your time and his time.

FrayedHem · 17/01/2017 12:39

It may be logistically easier for you, but if it means you cannot fulfill your work requirements as a result of a later start, it has more potential to blow up in your face.

If I understand correctly your DH would prefer an earlier start/earlier finish without the car & bus faff, but he won't be risking his employment if he is later in/to leave twice a week.

Original poster
autumnkate · 17/01/2017 12:39

thanks, FrayedHem, that's kind of what I think. I've worked part time for this company for 3 years now and they have always been very fair to me about part time hours/ kids sicknesses etc. I think he takes my job for granted but they are not easy to come by.

OP posts:
SisterMoonshine · 17/01/2017 12:40

The time you lose at work and the bus fares - it may be worth just taking the £8 parking charge on the chin.