About school drop off?

[autumnkate]

I don't think I am?

I work part time (2 days) and my husband works full time. DH has recently started a new job which means he has to take the bus. Our kids go to breakfast and tea club on the 2 days I work. He says he can no longer do the drop offs due to the bus as he will be too late for work (he won't, just later than he would like) and wants me to do it.

The issue is I already leave work at 4 to pick the kids up from tea club. I really need to get to work early (7.30) so that a) I can get my work done and b) I don't look like a complete slacker.

I have offered to do drop offs if he does pick up (he can work flexi time) but he says no.

I can feel myself getting ready to give in because we have always prioritised his job over mine (higher earner).

But WIBU to stand my ground and say he has to either pick up or drop off?

[DubiousCredentials]

I would suggest he either takes them on the two days you work as usual then gets the bus or drops them off and drives to work and pays for the car park on those two days. Up to him. But keep repeating "I can't do my job if I don't get to work until after 8am" ad nauseam. No way would I be backing down. Been there. I backed down and I really regret it now.

[BarbarianMum]

Agree. He should drive and pay parking for the 2 days you work (assuming a car is available). I really suggest you don't back down on this or it will prove the thin end of a big wedge.

[autumnkate]

I'm thinking 2 days he should just drive and pay the parking. It just seems like such a waste of money when he has flexi time as an option. They could actually skip breakfast club all together if he wanted to as he could take them in for 9 and work correspondingly later on those days.

I think it might be the easiest solution though! Thanks guys x

[PotteringAlong]

Is £16 a week not worth it in terms of ease and your time at work?

[MLGs]

Don't back down.

I agree with PPs that him paying the car parking charges for those two days is the answer.

Much cheaper than getting in an au pair or similar!

[autumnkate]

Yes it is worth it. Not worth fighting about! And I am not backing down so I feel good about that!

[autumnkate]

Thank you all for talking me through that!

[FrayedHem]

Just tell him to park on someone's drive, it would make MN very happy

Seriously though, either he pays the parking 2 days a week or the car/bus option, you cannot risk your job.

[Jackiebrambles]

Goodness me pay the £16! Don't back down on this....

And fwiw, my husband earns loads more than me. He still does all the drop offs to allow me to leave the house early, get to work early, so I can leave early and pick up the kids at around 5pm (ish). This is because our jobs are equally important, despite the salary difference.

And I totally feel you - my work are very flexible with working from home/flexi when I need to/child sickness and that is worth holding onto and respecting!

[Twistmeandturnme]

There are two issues here:

1. The principle of who should be responsible for dropping the children/who should be flexible, and
   
2. the genuine logistics of the situation.
   
   If you are in the office for 7.30 to leave at 4pm, how long is the journey from your home to work, and how long from work to school tea club?
   
   If you dropped off at school at 7.30, what time would you get to work and how much later would you have to stay to make up the time?
   
   If your husband dropped off and then got the bus to work what time would he actually get tot he office: flexitime notwithstanding, as a new employee would this realistically impact on how he is perceived in the workplace?
   
   Is there any possibility that you could leave work at 4.30 and still be in time for pickup? Is there any possibility that he could arrange a formal arrangement (ie not relying on flexitime) to work a couple of longer days to allow going in late twice a week?
   
   The problem with flexitime is that it works both ways, so while flexibility is given during periods of less work, when deadlines are looming everyone is expected to go above and beyond: perhaps your DH doesn't want to get into a situation where there is no plan in place.

[nickEcave]

Do you think your husband appreciates the 2 days a week you work or do you think he would prefer it if you didn't work and is trying to engineer a situation where you can't work? I appreciate that the job of the higher earner may need to be prioritised sometimes but if you have explained that you can't do your job if he doesn't do the drop-offs on those days and he is still insisting you do it, do you think he would actually prefer you to be a SAHM? Not saying you should by the way, just wonder if he genuniely supports you working.

[GeorgeTheHamster]

Im glad you've decided to make him do his share. Otherwise his attitude would bleed into other things too - like who should be off when the kids are sick, who should do the running around. He has a flexi policy, FGS, what more does he want!

Also, should you ever split up, you'll have screwed your earning capacity less.

[BitOutOfPractice]

It'll be less than £16 a week as he'll save his bus fare those days (unless he has a ass of course!)

Don't back down. The important principle at stake is whether he sees your time / job / effort as equal to his or not

[BitOutOfPractice]

*pass

[Inadither]

If he works flexi he can do drop off and make up any lost time on the 3 days you don't work. It's what we do.

[terrythetrex]

He's being selfish putting all the responsibility onto you, it also shows a complete lack of respect for you and the job you do.

I wouldn't back down, it does not affect his job in anyway to do the drop off but does affect yours.

[Eliza9917]

Do you already take a shorter lunch to leave at 4?

If not, could you get in at 8 and half hour for lunch to make up the time?

Personally, I think he should take some responsibility for getting them there, but then you do have the car.

Could you compromise by you do it one day and he does the other?

[littlepooch]

Does he just do the drop off 2 days a week?

[autumnkate]

Yes he only drops off on 2 days and there are 2 cars.

I think him taking his car and paying to park on the 2 days is the easiest solution.

Maybe when he gets used to the flexi time option he might reconsider 👍

[MotherFuckingChainsaw]

I worked somewhere with a Megabucks car park.

I got a secondhand folding bike, parked further out of town in a free car park and cycled the rest of the way. It was actually no slower because the bike can zip past the congestion.

Would that be a solution for him?

But I agree with pps stick to your principles, he needs to take responsibility for 'his' days. If they no longer work, he needs to work with you to find a solution, not just demand you change your hours.

[littlepooch]

In that case it's only 2 days, he should do it. Either pay the parking or just muddle through with the bus.

[user1472334322]

Do you pay for breakfast club? If dh took dc in for normal drop off time instead of breakfast club then what you paid for that could go towards his parking. He could then stay a little later at work to cover his hours. My dp takes ds2 to preschool on the days I work as he has flexible hours and I don't. It means he gets in later than usual but he just works a little later to make up the hours. Is your dh able to do that? Him doing drop offs seems to be a solution. Don't back down. I didn't and now we have a second car so that my friend doesn't have to take me and ds1 home two nights a week! It does work to stay strong (sometimes!!!)

[Megatherium]

I was thinking about what I would do in your husband's situation - i.e. offered a new job but with childcare obligations that meant that two days a week I would be there slightly late, although still in by 9 a.m. If I thought that would be any sort of problem with the new job, I would tell the new employer before accepting the job and ask if they had any objection. If they did, I would then decide whether or not to accept and, if I wanted to accept, I would start thinking about alternatives such as a childminder to take the children to school. I wouldn't automatically assume that my husband would put his job at risk or make his working life more difficult to help me out.

And, without going all man-bashing about it, I strongly suspect that that would be the approach of the vast majority of mothers. But the fact of the matter is that your husband has grown used to thinking of you as the person who does everything at home and everything to do with the children, and your job is just a nice little unnecessary extra on the side which he can more or less ignore. He really does need to start realising that, for those two mornings a week (which is hardly a lot!) child care is his responsibility to sort out, not yours, so it is completely up to him to find a solution to the problem.