Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel totally redundant and a bloody hinderance

41 replies

doggyday123 · 16/01/2017 23:41

Warning!long and boring.
Two of our dc have recently joined sporting activities that take up half a sat or Sun.
Both diferent places and different times so logistically awkward. Made even more so that i work weekends and dont drive(another story).
Soo, i have said i can change my day at work and take one dc (either dh take or i will make own way) and he take other.
Basically he has said that wont help as far away (ish)so he would have to drop us and collect us.
Hes decided to ask a parent(not a friend particularly) or his PIL. Both infuriate me as these parents are either going to get sick of it or wonder where i am,plus i dont know them massively well. And PiL Literally do jack all to help normally. Never have dc round without us there, or babysit and certainly do me no favours. I cant help think they are helping dh not me or dc.
I feel like a complete loser for not being there and even if i could be,i cant drive.aibu?

OP posts:
5OBalesofHay · 16/01/2017 23:44

You know yabu. How are you going to deal with it?

unfortunateevents · 16/01/2017 23:49

Who agreed to your children taking up two different activities when you can't actually get them there? Is that necessary? Not clear from your post if your DH is planning on splitting one of the activity journeys with this other parent, in which case I don't see a problem, otherwise if he is relying on this parent to always transport one of your children, then I foresee (yet another) thread on here from that parent complaining about parents who sign their children up to activities which aren't logistically possible. If your PIL are willing to take one child then I think you should be grateful, rather than complaining that it doesn't specifically help you or the DC (in what way is is not helping them anyway, without transport they can't get there?).

I agree with DH that changing a day at work is not going to help particularly if you can't then independently get the DC to the activity.

Original poster
doggyday123 · 16/01/2017 23:50

I have no idea. Except learn to drive/swap my job by Saturday.

OP posts:
5OBalesofHay · 16/01/2017 23:51

Or let your dh sort it

unfortunateevents · 16/01/2017 23:53

I have no idea What did you think was going to happen when you signed two children up to two different activities in two different locations without knowing how you were going to get them there?! What are these activities - couldn't they do something closer/simpler to get to? Are your children particularly talented in these activities?

Original poster
doggyday123 · 16/01/2017 23:55

unfortunate he signed them up,knowing there would be problems.
As for parents helping,i think hes hoping for a bit of dropping ot picking up. I dont know these people. I can see them getting well pissed off after a bit and asking where their mother is!
As for PIL,they are the most selfish grandparents i know and will not do this happily long term.
I offered to change my work day,him drop me and one dc while he takes the other,and he collect us on way home.
Think hassle for him(!)thats why hes hoping for extra help. I feel a prize cunt.

OP posts:
Original poster
doggyday123 · 16/01/2017 23:57

I didnt sign them. He did. Its rugby and footy. Both love it ,but are youngish and could have waited a while to be so involved in a sport

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 16/01/2017 23:58

So totally a situation of his own making. Let him sort it out. Why on earth are you the one now feeling redundant and a hindrance??!!

Original poster
doggyday123 · 16/01/2017 23:59

50 i have let him sort it so far and its been ok until now and its clashing. Hence him happy for anyone to help making me look like a prat.

OP posts:
Original poster
doggyday123 · 17/01/2017 00:02

Unfortnuate
I guess i feel bad as kids are asking why im not coming along when other randoms are.
Also i think i feel embarrassed as other parents are probably wondering why im not taking them!im very independent normally and driving is not an issue. Now i feel incompetent as they are getting older.

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 17/01/2017 00:03

Look, unless I am missing some backstory here, how does the fact that you work on weekends and can't drive anyway make you look like a prat - to parents whom you don't know?! If anyone looks like a prat, it is your DH!

5OBalesofHay · 17/01/2017 00:04

Why are people without young children who have brought up their own xhildren and don't want to commit their free time to your children selfish?

unfortunateevents · 17/01/2017 00:05

What ages are your children? Surely they understand the concept of being "at work"? And what do you mean "randoms" are coming along? Do you mean parents are there with their children? I'll bet not everyone has parents there. Other families will have clashes too. And again, I'm going to say this is totally a situation of your DH's making, let him sort it out.

5OBalesofHay · 17/01/2017 00:06

Leave his to deal with the consequences of signing up to something he can't deliver

Original poster
doggyday123 · 17/01/2017 00:09

Maybe you are right!thing is otjer peopke dont know i havent signed up for this. They may think inhave,then fucked off to work!plus i think,for the first time ever,i feel embarrassed that i cant drive. That even if i didnt work,im no use to ferry them places.
Trust me,PiL are selfish. Id happily ask them for help otherwise. They have never baby sat (or anything) once and eldest child of 4is a teenager. Alien to me.

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 17/01/2017 00:10

I also agree with 50, even committed PILs would get fed up at spending half a day every weekend watching kids at rugby or footy from the sidelines. I was never so grateful as when DS1 gave up football and I never had to face the prospect of another freezing, wet Saturday on the sidelines trying to understand the offside rule!

MiddleClassProblem · 17/01/2017 00:10

You work. End of. Why are you making such a big deal about you working?

Let PIL help

MiddleClassProblem · 17/01/2017 00:11

But if they're willing to help now what difference does it make?

Original poster
doggyday123 · 17/01/2017 00:12

By 'randoms' i mean literally people i dont know except through this sport(recently) offering to pick up one or other dc. I dont know these people to have a child in car. Aged 6&8!!
I agree its dh that has made this but difficult to ignore when its my dc.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 17/01/2017 00:13

I don't drive but we couldn't afford another car anyway and you'd need 2 for this situation I'm guessing (although I'm not entirely clear)

5OBalesofHay · 17/01/2017 00:15

When do people get to be selfish? It's something I'm looking forward to once all the grandchildren move out and dh and I are on our own.

Original poster
doggyday123 · 17/01/2017 00:15

They wont be wikking to help for long thats for sure. His dad goes to the pub every sat and sun afternoon so he will be in a hurry.
I can easily change my day at work but as i dont drive he sees it as pointless as he wants a driver(never mind their mother may want to see them play)

OP posts:
IMissGrannyW · 17/01/2017 00:16

Learn to fucking drive? (disclaimer - my DH doesn't drive and EVERYTHING falls on me. Drives me nuts!)

Sorry, that was my stuff, not yours.

In your case, your DH signed up, your DH responsibility, esp knowing you don't drive. He needs to be super nice and kind and and helpful to some other parents pronto. Or fork out a LOT in taxis! Or disappoint his children. I don't see any of this as being on you, other than you could learn to drive and take your fair share (sorry... my issues again!)

Original poster
doggyday123 · 17/01/2017 00:16

Yes there is the issue of two cars that we couldnt afford even if i could drive!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 17/01/2017 00:19

never mind their mother may want to see them play
There it is