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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not provide food at a birthday party?!

386 replies

WobbleYourHead · 16/01/2017 22:00

DS is going to be 9 next birthday. He wants a skate party at our local roller rink. The party will be 6:15pm until 7:45pm on a Sunday night (they're fixed times for parties and this is the slot available on the date we want).
We have a limited budget and without food he could invite his whole class, friends from cubs, football etc. If we cater the party then it'd drastically limit numbers.
We plan to provide drinks for the kids and there's a cafe on site that will be open if parents want to stay.
WIBU to allow him to invite all the friends he wants and skip the catering?!

OP posts:
user1484040234 · 18/01/2017 18:19

I would agree with the suggestion of a couple of others, party bag with a pre-wrapped mini cake, crisps, sausage roll and clementine, so if any come over and say they're hungry they can have their bag early, and the others can take it home.

Notso · 18/01/2017 18:20

Sorry but just inviting everyone and his uncle is not as important as have a few actual friends with some food

It is to the OP's son.

QueenofTinyThings · 18/01/2017 18:23

Weve done no food before - but jugs of drink and plastic cups during the activity and then a homemade cookie was the 'party bag' to take home/eat at the end. Noone complained, but you might want to mention it on the invite.

ClaryIsTheBest · 18/01/2017 18:28

As longs as it's clearly stated on the invite that sounds fine
It sounds like a great party.

And it's for less than 2 hours. They will be playing and skating etc. There's no need for food.

julesr21 · 18/01/2017 18:29

I cant see the problem with it. Your son is really excited about the prospect of an evening with all of his classmates and I'm sure they would all prefer to go and have no food than just a select few - the more the merrier surely. If I were one of the parents I would give my child a proper meal beforehand or at lunchtime and take a bottle of water to the event. If hungry afterwards then he would have a snack once we got home. In my opinion children should be taught to be grateful not always expect things. If the op can't afford food then they don't have any but I bet the children won't care a jot because they'll all be far too busy enjoying themselves with their friends. Cake to take home is fine. Sounds great to me - hope your son and his friends have a great time

notangelinajolie · 18/01/2017 18:30

OP, I'm sure the party will be great fun whichever way you decide to do it. I just think you are a braver woman that me. I'd be having a nervous breakdown being responsible for all those kids. With 50 8/9 year old boys charging round at break neck speed I'd be worried sick. There is always one or two odds are there maybe more than that who will fall out, fall over, feel sick or escape. Make sure you have contact numbers for parents and a check list to tick off names as they leave the party and know who is picking who up. And lots of black bin bags to carry the presents home in. Good luck and have fun Smile

mamaduckbone · 18/01/2017 18:31

It's very normal around here to just provide drinks and crisps at big parties like this - skating, swimming etc - and maybe some sweets/birthday cake on the way home. Just make sure you mention it on the invite so the parents know to feed their kids first.

mrsdeedow · 18/01/2017 18:33

for a 9 year old, you're fine, maybe a small snack afterwards, ie crisps but thats all you need, when we were on a budget we took them all to the early morning weekend showing of a movie and just gave a quenchy cup as boxes are cheap in b&m and a bag of popcorn each. Buffets really aren't needed

JackLottiesMum · 18/01/2017 18:36

I think some kids will want to take a break from skatingand ask you for food if you don't have any. So having some crisps, sausage rolls etc on hand would be useful. I find popcorn works well. You could avoid the sitdown meal and have some snacks plus send them out the door with something to fill them if they are hungry. I have given out bags of popcorn when children have left parties to help fill them up.

pinkstripeycat · 18/01/2017 18:37

My 2 DS are 9 and 11 and the last 2 years for parties I have just done a party cupcake each with candles in. Blow out candles and kids all grab a cake and a drink. They don't care about food at that age and at that time of night it's too late to eat. Normally they'd have all had their tea by 5pm. After I started it all parents have followed suit and are relieved to not have to fuss over food and party bags

Hulababy · 18/01/2017 18:40

DD has been to parties in the past without food catering. Not odd at all, especially for shorter length parties.

Its totally fine, esp when not over a meal time like this. I won;dnt have even thought to question it tbh. It certainly wouldn't have stopped me bringing a gift! The children are all getting a fun evening activity after all, if someone really has to think of it in those terms.

Provide drinks, and maybe cake and crisps in a party bag at the end. Just make sure it is on the invitation so parents know to feel the children beforehand.

Party sounds like fun.

SherryChristmas · 18/01/2017 18:41

There is another aspect to a party and that is social interaction. Sitting down to eat together is a deep and basic social interaction and a really important part of a party. It acts as a focus. A skate party is a lovely idea - but what about those who can't skate? If the whole class are invited some might have special needs that makes it not possible for them to skate. However they can all join together for some form of meal. It would als be difficult to successfully watch that number of children properly in what presumably is a public space. For these reasons a smaller group may be better, and absolutely with food.

Hulababy · 18/01/2017 18:42

astley Did you read the part where it is said that the party hire costs the same amount regardless of how many people attend?

Thinkingblonde · 18/01/2017 18:44

I'd source a supply of little paper food sacks and provide a drink, crisps and a sandwich or snack and sweets as well as cake etc.

user1475439961 · 18/01/2017 18:45

My daughter went to a roller disco party recently and only had birthday cake. They all enjoyed themselves and didn't question it.

mumeeee · 18/01/2017 18:45

Sorry Yabu. People expect food at a child's birthday party. It's the given thing.
Most 9 year olds wouldn't have whole class parties.

Hulababy · 18/01/2017 18:47

Sitting down to eat together is a deep and basic social interaction and a really important part of a party.

Have you been to many children's parties?

Its a 9 year old's birthday party not a dinner party for adults. And its an hour and a half long party all in. If food was provided it would be a quick grab and eat fast food type affair anyway most likely - as they will want to spend as much time as possible on the rink.

IME children engage with each other in different ways at a party. When sat down eating on long tables they tend to be just eating food and maybe talking to the or 3 children sat directly next to or opposite them. Instead they can be engaging and interacting together by helping each other to skate, laughing and joking having races or falling over, singing along to the music together, etc.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 18/01/2017 18:49

MN is bloody ridiculous sometimes - OP has clearly stated she isn't allowed to bring her own food in.

RTFT people!

OP, you might get away with the party bag idea but equally you might not - best check with the venue first.

Planningoz · 18/01/2017 18:53

I used to hate any kind of skating party as every time one of my DDs went to one someone (thankfully not them) ended up injured! Having said that I agree with the party bag idea with a few snacks e.g. Crisps, sweets, cookies and maybe a satsuma to satisfy the healthy brigade (actually scrap that - what child ever said "I really wish I had a piece of fruit in my party bag" ?!) Good luck with the party - I'm sure it'll be great. Any parents with concerns with no formal party food etc can just decline the invite...

Jamontoast123 · 18/01/2017 19:03

Put the food in a party bag ! Job done .
Don't ask re the cake just take one !
Smile

Shona52 · 18/01/2017 19:04

As long as you make this clean on the invite then its fine that way parents know to send their children along with money for food and I think at this age it's more about what they do then food maybe just a cake to go with the drinks would be good

Berora · 18/01/2017 19:13

It all depends on the children, some of them may be very hungry at that time of the evening. When DS was 10, we had a football party late afternoon, I did have food for them provided by the venue, but portions were on a small side, I didn't bring anything extra and ended up with one boy in a flood of tears because he was still hungry and the only thing I could do was buy him a packet of crisps from the bar! I felt absolutely awful...

thebakerwithboobs · 18/01/2017 19:16

Spot on Jamontoast. Do a 'partybag' but you could always make it a little 'partybox' (think Happy Meal box) and give them out when you do the cake you haven't asked to bring. I would take it as a given that you are allowed to take your own cake to a venue and they're hardly going to stop you half way through the singing. Stop worrying op, party sounds fab! Can I come??

SpiritedLondon · 18/01/2017 19:19

Why do people make such sweeping statements as if they're representing the entire population. E.g. " the party isn't over a meal time". Well in my house this is exactly meal time... especially on a Sunday. " kids don't eat party food anyway" erm well mine do... although a party of 90 mins doesn't leave long for eating and the activity. All the parties I've been to have provided food but I'm in a different age category for parties and I'm entirely prepared to accept that other people do things differently. My main issue would be the to-ing and fro-ing during a time when we generally have dinner, baths, sorting out uniforms etc but this may not be the case for everyone. Good luck OP hope they're no broken limbs.

Gazelda · 18/01/2017 19:19

Roller disco. 6.15-7.45, Sunday. Drinks provided, cafe available on site.
I'd breathe a little sigh of relief if my DD received an invite like that.

A brilliant activity (assuming the venue has sufficient staff to supervise), and at a time where I wouldn't have to juggle the rest of the family's meals to fit in with the party. Lunch all together around midday, roast at 5pm with time for it to 'go down' before rollering, cake in the car to fill a gap after all that exercise.