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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not provide food at a birthday party?!

386 replies

WobbleYourHead · 16/01/2017 22:00

DS is going to be 9 next birthday. He wants a skate party at our local roller rink. The party will be 6:15pm until 7:45pm on a Sunday night (they're fixed times for parties and this is the slot available on the date we want).
We have a limited budget and without food he could invite his whole class, friends from cubs, football etc. If we cater the party then it'd drastically limit numbers.
We plan to provide drinks for the kids and there's a cafe on site that will be open if parents want to stay.
WIBU to allow him to invite all the friends he wants and skip the catering?!

OP posts:
Dinomum79 · 17/01/2017 19:13

50 is a lot but if that's what he wants it will probably add to the atmosphere . It might be a bit empty with less than that is it can take 150.
I would get some cardboard snack boxes and do like a mini packed lunch . It shouldn't cost too much , maybe just time but if you invite people to a party you should feed them. Hope he has fun 😀 Xx

Starlight2345 · 17/01/2017 19:43

I have remembered this afternoon. I won a laser party once.. It was after my DS's birthday.
As it had an expiry date only way to use it was an end of the year party.. It did not come with food. I made it clear that there was no food, boys all came had fun and went home.

No one told me if I was holding a party I had to provide food, No one turned it down because I wasn't feeding their child.

I think that parents are more obsessed with what the kids eat than the kids. At 9 they run round play and really don't care too much about food.

NavyandWhite · 17/01/2017 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charlie97 · 17/01/2017 20:13

Non issue! Just let the parents know that no good provided and they can feed them before or after.

All they need is a drink.

Now, my biggest concern is the though is the expected 50 gifts from the party children.....arghh!!!

user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 20:27

just let the parents know there won't be food and their children will have to go a couple hours without a snack. They will survive

Of course they will survive. But if your idea of a party is 2 hours to merely survive through, you've pretty much fucked up on the fun aspect.

They are meant to ENJOY it, not survive it¬!

user1484317265 · 17/01/2017 20:27

just let the parents know there won't be food and their children will have to go a couple hours without a snack. They will survive

Of course they will survive. But if your idea of a party is 2 hours to merely survive through, you've pretty much fucked up on the fun aspect.

They are meant to ENJOY it, not survive it¬!

holidaysaregreat · 17/01/2017 21:51

pyongyang is talking a lot of sense. Everyone else seems to be obsessed with the kids having a sit down buffet.
6.15-7.45 really isn't over tea time for kids that age. They can easily eat tea at home and then head out for a couple of hours. Drinks/bag of crisps/some cake should be enough surely??
wobble it sounds fab. I did a roller party for DD last year & bought in some glow sticks. They are quite cheap on eBay and could make things more snazzy. You can get luminous face paints too I think.
I have been to numerous parties where parents are literally chucking sandwiches in bin bags at the end. I have rarely seen a child sit and eat more than a couple of little wraps/sandwiches - they tend to go for the cheese puffs and the chocolate fingers in my experience. So a bag of crisps and some squash would be fine.
I am amazed at how judgmental people are being. I had no idea that people were so entitled.
OP have a great roller disco!

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 23:14

Yes @Astley the sole reason for doing this is for the presents that won't even be mine anyway

Or maybe it's because DS has never had a party where he can invite all his friends as we've always limited it due to cost/venue size etc. and this way he can have the big gathering he's always wanted!

He's in a class of 31, he goes to cubs, he swims and is in a football team! So yes he has plenty of friends because he's nearly 9 and he's lovely and everyone's a friend when you're 9, they don't have the concept of "acquaintances" you're either friends or you're not.

OP posts:
NicknameUsed · 17/01/2017 23:27

6.15 is an early tea for us. Most of you eat so early!

If DD had been invited to a party I would give her something to eat beforehand, and afterwards.

Cordychase · 18/01/2017 07:27

YANBU, the party doesn't take place at a mealtime and you will be informing the parents, I don't see the problem.

SheldonCRules · 18/01/2017 07:36

The food part is really important at an activity party as it's the only time they get to sit down and chat, otherwise they may as well just do the activity anytime as they can't really speak to each other whilst skating/laser shooting etc.

No child needs to invite 50 plus children, it's way OTT and all a bit "look at me".

Oriunda · 18/01/2017 07:42

Wobble, don't worry about 50 kids. My son will be having a (joint) all class party plus he is very sociable and has lots of friends from outside school. We still see nursery friends from when he was a baby! We're inviting 50+ kids and hopefully siblings all welcome too. We will be doing food (but can order a pizza delivery so don't have to have venue food) but our party is a bit earlier.

Absolutely nothing to do with 'look at me' - more that we have a venue all to ourselves and it's lovely to be able to invite everyone. We won't be doing an all class party next year so am making the most of this one.

Beebeeeight · 18/01/2017 07:51

Plan sounds great.

Party food is shit anyway.

BroomstickOfLove · 18/01/2017 08:03

But it does take place at a mealtime. I think that that is partly where the problem lies - for some of the invited children, it will be comfortably after their evening meal. For others, their mealtime will fall right in the middle of the party and they will be starving by the end.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 18/01/2017 08:12

It's an invitation not a summons. As long as it is clear on the invite that there is no food then those for whom their meal would normally be at that time can either eat earlier or not come. It is their choice.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 18/01/2017 08:37

Sounds like a fab party OP!

No food wouldn't bother us, I'd probably put 'cake & cold drink provided' on the invites though.

My kids eat tea at 5-5:30ish and don't normally eat after that anyway. They're both night owls too.

Sunday night wouldn't bother us either, after all that skating they'd probably come straight home and do shower, teeth & bed!

user1484317265 · 18/01/2017 08:48

We're inviting 50+ kids and hopefully siblings all welcome too

And how many adults will be there to supervise these hordes? Not enough I'm guessing.

OP, roller skating can be dangerous. Do you have enough supervision arranged? Over 50 8 year olds going crazy round an skating rink, without even a break for a few crisps?.....I hope you're prepared!

Notso · 18/01/2017 09:42

That's the thing though broomstick there is no universal mealtime. From the numerous threads I've read over the years anything from 3:30 until 11pm can be someone's dinner time.
Any problem lies with the parents of children who refuse to deviate from their routine which is nothing to do with the OP, at the end of the day it's their child who will miss out.

user1484317265 · 18/01/2017 09:45

It's not at all about refusing to deviate from routine, its about the fact that childrens parties generally by tradition contain a food element, and if you decide to get rid of that fact its something that people need to consider.
Thats all.

MistressMerryWeather · 18/01/2017 10:01

At the same time going by tradition, the food is usually sweets, crisps and cake. Well, any good party that is. :o

Maybe some sandwiches/sausage rolls/crudités but I would never assume either of my DS's would fill up on those enough to make it a main meal.

Hannah4banana · 18/01/2017 10:09

My neice had a,similar party at the trampoline park. The catering was a fortune and the kids hardly touched a thing! Too busy playing as it seemed 90 minutes wasn't long enough Grin
Party sounds amazing, have fin!

ChasedByBees · 18/01/2017 10:10

Ok I've not RTFT but good is a tradition, not a requirement. Just make it clear on the invite and you'll be fine. They won't die will no food for an hour or two. Party bags with snacks is a nice idea (but don't go for a full lunch in there! Grin)

ChasedByBees · 18/01/2017 10:10

Good = food

user1484317265 · 18/01/2017 12:01

It doesn't have to be a main meal! But a party for young children with nothing at all, not a crisp or a haribo....they'll notice and its just not as fun.

I'm still more concerned about the supervision for a huge number of children doing a potentially dangerous activity.

JaquieFromTheBlock · 18/01/2017 12:40

Have a party for 50 kids during tea time, and not provide food? I have never heard of a kids party without food /cake. Everything is less fun when you are hungry or thirsty.

When I pop round to a friends for an hour, they always offer me a cup of tea - yes I could survive that hour without a cuppa, but it is more pleasurable and welcoming when offered refreshments

Seriously OP, cut the kids to 20 and feed them. If you provide bags with a cheese roll, crisps, apple in for 20 kids this would not cost a lot of money

And get a birthday cake