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Original poster

Fiance's high school bffio demanding a plus 1 to our wedding???

105 replies

PenguinPal14 · 16/01/2017 19:31

I know weddings can be a touchy subject on here but I really don't think I'm in the wrong??

Fiance had a BFF in high school who he sees on occasion now for a drink but I wouldn't class him as a close friend anymore. Our wedding invites went out last week and his friend has already rang up to mention his girlfriend of 11 months (who I have never met) isn't on the invite. We mentioned that we simply couldn't afford to give everyone a plus 1, to this he replied that their other friend's gf had been invited. The other friend and gf have been together over 5 years they have a house and a baby on the way. After I tried to explain this to him he started shouting that we don't take his relationship serioulsy and thinks that everyone deserves a plus 1 unless they are invited as family ie mum dad son and daughter so they won't be alone (he will know more people that I do as bfs family is huge)

Is it customary to always give day guests a plus 1 if they're not attending with their family? Is this an unwritten rule that I didn't know about? If it is I will have a few angry phone calls on the way

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 16/01/2017 19:54

But I would hate to be a single guest on a couples table.

That was me once, in a foreign country, too. I travelled alone to the wedding, stayed alone at the hotel, sat at a table of couples at the wedding, had a pretty awful time. As a result, I gave all guests the option of a plus one to my wedding, even if they wanted to take a friend along.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 16/01/2017 19:54

We had a similar issue with DH's best friend at our wedding years ago.

He was single when the invites went out & numbers were counted, the whole friendship group was going to be there so no issue with him having no-one to sit with or knowing no-one etc. Two weeks before, he 'informs' us that he'll be bringing his GF of 6 weeks. "Sorry, it's a sit down meal with a limit on the numbers" we said. He still brought her. His reasoning was "I'll pay for her dinner if you can't afford an extra person."

Some people just don't get it!

As it turns out, the GF in question was/is lovely and they have now been together for 20 years! I honestly don't think the friend understood that it was nothing personal.

yellowfrog · 16/01/2017 19:55

I wouldn't expect +1s - if you know them well you invite both (ie neither is a +1; you're inviting each one on their own merits as it were), but if the relationship is pretty new and you've never met them AND the person you invite will know loads of people, then feel free not to +1

DeadGood · 16/01/2017 19:56

Can't believe you thought he'd respond well to being told, "well, James gets a plus one because he and his partner have a house" - wtf?

MirandaWest · 16/01/2017 19:57

Everyone we invited had a plus one invited too - just felt nicer to us that way. We only had 40 people in total though so didn't have that many extra people invited that weren't the main people we were inviting iyswim

BakeOffBiscuits · 16/01/2017 20:00

My DD is getting married this year, we have not got the room to give everyone a plus one.

Everyone who is coming without a plus one, knows people who will be there, so no one will be left on their own.
We have already had 3 people asking if they can bring a girlfriend or boyfriend and we have just said 'sorry, there isn't room' which is true.

If they don't like it they don't have to come Smile

waterrat · 16/01/2017 20:00

I think it's very rude to tell a long standing friend that their partner of a year isn't serious enough to get an invitation.

NapQueen · 16/01/2017 20:00

Miranda was there anyone in the 40 who you'd never met before?

Thirtyrock39 · 16/01/2017 20:01

I don't think it's a standard that everyone gets a plus one but when I got married a lot of single friends were in new relationships and I had to add about 5 last minute new partners.

Note3 · 16/01/2017 20:04

Many of these responses have amazed me. I wouldn't have thought it normal and wouldn't be fazed to be alone for a day invite as I appreciate how expensive it is.

Figure17a · 16/01/2017 20:06

I sounds like he won't know the other guests. Would you want to go to a wedding where the only person you knew was the groom and you couldn't even take a friend?

I don't think it matters if he has a partner or how long he's known her. If he's not going to know anyone else, he should be able to bring an escort if he wants like in films

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 16/01/2017 20:06

I think it's polite and the 'done thing' to invite a +1. I wouldn't kick up a fuss if I didn't get offered one, but I wouldn't attend the wedding. Presumably if it was a close enough friend for my declined invitation to cause friction then they would have invited my partner anyway.

BingoBingoBingoBango · 16/01/2017 20:08

It wasn't standard at my wedding to give plus ones. A friend of mine asked if she could bring a date. Um...no. She was there with a large group of friends and they were all sitting together, why would she need a date.

We invited partners of anyone in a relationship.

JJbum · 16/01/2017 20:10

I have never been to a wedding with plus 1s. Definitely not normal to me. It's also pretty normal, in my experience, to only invite girlfriends/boyfriends if they were living (together) as partners and the bride and groom had at least met them.

I'd say a relationship of 11 months is an awkward length. Some people would be really serious after that length of time and others still casually dating. But I don't think you've done anything wrong really.

Holidayhelp2017 · 16/01/2017 20:12

I don't think it's always standard to invite plus ones. I've never had a plus one when I've been single and invited to a wedding. We have limited numbers for our upcoming wedding and we have invited everyone's partners even if we haven't met them, but haven't given our single guests a plus one as that would have meant inviting less of our friends, and we already have less coming than we would ideally like.

NoDramaForTheLlama · 16/01/2017 20:13

Can you invite her to the evening? I had to do this with some friends as I didn't know their partner well and didn't have the space for them to sit down at a meal as we were at capacity. It worked well.

JJbum · 16/01/2017 20:13

And I should add. My husband and I have been together years and years. I definitely had invitations to weddings without him in the early months/couple of years. It didn't occur to me to mind even when there were other weddings he was invited to, during that period.

MrsDustyBusty · 16/01/2017 20:19

as partners and the bride and groom had at least met them.

I don't understand why you would need to have met everyone at your wedding.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 16/01/2017 20:22

My OH of 5 years was not invited to cousins wedding, honestly it hurt and was inconvenient but I wouldn't have dreamt of shouting down the phone at them! I sucked it up and enjoyed the do.
A good friend should understand tight budgets limited space, I had to tell people "no kids" for above reasons and cause them inconvenience but they took it with good grace

TheCraicDealer · 16/01/2017 20:22

What? That's like the bare minimum criteria! I don't want to be looking at my wedding photographs in 15 or 20 years time wondering, "who the frig is that?"

bumsexatthebingo · 16/01/2017 20:24

I would always invite a plus 1. I wouldn't want any of my guests to be sat like a gooseberry amongst other couples! If he is shouting at you about it though maybe he's not such a good friend after all. He should have just sent his regrets.

AddToBasket · 16/01/2017 20:25

Your wedding, invite who you want. V rude of him to call you up.

But perhaps you didn't handle it well comparing the girlfriends. Send a quick text apologising for that and saying you'd been put on the spot. You hadn't included a plus one because there isn't room. You hope he can make it.

MrsDustyBusty · 16/01/2017 20:26

I don't want to be looking at my wedding photographs in 15 or 20 years time wondering, "who the frig is that?"

Really? My husband wouldn't have had a single cousin there, nor would some of his friends been asking spouses if I'd applied that rule.

Figure17a · 16/01/2017 20:29

This is another thread that demonstrates exactly where it's all gone wrong re weddings. When you're throwing a party, once you want people to come to, it's about he happiness of the guests, not the hosts. (or it should be)

EmeraldScorn · 16/01/2017 20:29

I think it is rude to exclude someone's partner (no matter how long they've been together) and your insistence that they haven't been "together long" sounds a little bitchy.

They may not have been together when you started planning but they were together when you sent out the invites and to be honest unless you're on the bread line then extending the invite to his girlfriend isn't going to result in financial hardship for you.

I don't think you needed to disregard her, it should have been invite both as a couple or neither but at the end of the day it's your wedding, so really you can do as you please.

Have a lovely day all the same, I hope it goes well.

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