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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's not necessarily rude to correct the teacher?

258 replies

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/01/2017 17:38

DS is nearly ten, he's always been well behaved for the most part and very polite. But lately he has had a bit of an edge to him. He's told me today he's been told off and had to lose his break for correcting the teachers spelling. I know it depends on how he did it. From what he's said he wasn't that rude but is it the correcting that's rude, full stop?

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 19:46

I don't feel comfortable talking about that with you trifle, as I feel like you're trying to score points rather than help either with this specific situation or more generally.

Fundamentally DH doesn't have a lot of respect for women who don't fuss over him, it isn't a teacher thing, it's a woman thing.

Things are hard enough here without getting into a daft argument about he said, she said.

OP posts:
pippitysqueakity · 17/01/2017 20:03

Just a question to poster bandying about 'those who can't, teach' how do you expect children to be educated if all the teachers are off 'doing' spelling, counting etc, and no one is being taught these things?

Witchend · 17/01/2017 20:07

Thing is from a description you can't actually tell the mood of the class, nor tone.
I have various memories of correcting teachers, usually on maths.
I was very good in knowing how far to push, and how to do it, so would pull back very quickly if I recognised I wasn't appropriate at that time.

If I think of one time I could describe what I did as walking up to the board, taking the chalk off the teacher and correcting it. Some of the class said afterwards they couldn't believe that I had got away with it.
From my side, it was an Alevel physics. I could see the mistake the teacher had made early on, and could see he knew he'd made a mistake, but couldn't see where. I said "Sir, you've used the wrong constant on the second line."
And he stood there not seeing it, and turned and caught my eye, so I got up, said very quietly to him "can I?" and took the chalk, and rewrote it.

Later that term one of the lads called out "excuse me you've got that bit wrong" and was put out the teacher reacted negatively. But firstly he interrupted, secondly the way he said it was very jeering, and thirdly the teacher hadn't moved on to the bit on the board so it wasn't the right time.
Lad in question was very indignant at that I got thanked and he got asked to be quiet and wait, but although on the face of the description I was far ruder , in the actual event I was not.

MrsDustyBusty · 17/01/2017 20:19

Fundamentally DH doesn't have a lot of respect for women who don't fuss over him, it isn't a teacher thing, it's a woman thing.

I know this will offend you but he sounds horrible, OP.

DotForShort · 17/01/2017 20:19

I don't mind if students correct me. I do mind if they are rude or obnoxious about it, as some can be. But I teach adults (university) so I can't give them detention more's the pity.

It sounds as though your son was reprimanded for interrupting, not for correcting the teacher. I also think it's fine to pull him up on his attitude and behaviour in school if he is speaking out of turn and using an inappropriate tone of voice. And if your DH shows little respect for women, I would explicitly talk to DS about that. He is old enough to know how wrong his father's behaviour is.

Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 20:20

I don't feel comfortable talking about that with you trifle, as I feel like you're trying to score points rather than help either with this specific situation or more generally

Up to you, OP. I feel like people will rapidly lose patience with your attitude towards your husband's behaviour though, as you continue to behave as if it has nothing to do with you. I suspect your DS' behaviour will continue to deteriorate as well.

Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:23

I'm not offended Dusty, he can be.

Trifle it hasn't got anything to do with me, really I do try Sad

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 17/01/2017 20:34

So to rephrase my previous post - you knowingly allowed your DH, who you know doesn't have respect for women who don't fuss over him, to talk to a teacher (who won't fuss over him) about an incident in which your son was, very probably, disrespectful to this teacher.

However you dress this up, you are not going to solve the problem with DS like this, are you? And you don't want to, because this requires you to pay attention to a much larger elephant in the room, which is your DH's abuse (verbal, physical and sexual) towards you .. and you won't do that.

i understand why you won't. It's a big elephant. But there is no point in getting shirty with people on this thread who make obvious comments which join the dots, and pick at trifling inconsistencies in their statements - so your husband isn't 'abusive' just 'shows no respect to women' [tbh at the receiving end it would look very similar, though I understand that YOU don't want to see it as abusive because it's part of the elephant] but you completely fail to make any connection to the obvious point ... just WHY did you allow your DH to go into school about this when he is probably part of the underlying cause of the problem, and certainly wasn't going to solve it???

Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:36

I don't think I have got shirty and I don't 'allow' my DH to do things. He is an adult. How could I have stopped him?

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:36

How could I have stopped him? What should I have done?

I really haven't got shirty you know

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 17/01/2017 20:36

Cherry, what hasn't got anything to do with you? Your DH's behaviour towards you and to others and its affect on your children?? That's just bizarre as a statement.

Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:37

Sorry for double post my internet is intermittent

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 17/01/2017 20:40

Cherry, in normal families, the conversation goes like this:

"i think we should talk to school to get to the bottom of this."
"OK"
"Who should go in? You or me?"
"Probably best to be me at the moment, because we're just establishing the facts of what happened. I'd like to be the one who goes in, anyway - is that OK?"
"Yes, fine. I'm not very happy about it, though."
"I know. Let's discuss it after we've got all the facts."

Wonderflonium · 17/01/2017 20:41

Be fair though, how is someone that is being abused supposed to stop the abuser from doing what he wants?
She might be able to persuade him not to go into school but it WILL result in a consequence down the line.

Stop giving the OP a hard time about stuff that's out of her control.

CaraAspen · 17/01/2017 20:44

"cherrycrumblecustard

I'm not really sure what to update you with Trifle, I'm sorry? I didn't go in remember? I'd just be repeating what DH has said which isn't very nice."

Sorry reading back here and catching up - but anyway, OP, you are on Mumsnet so you can swear to your heart's content.

Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:44

Thanks. Plus DH was off today. I wasn't. Even if we were "normal" he'd have gone in. Because he was at home. I didn't outline the conversation between DH and teacher as I thought I'd get flamed. I am not rude to people.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:45

He wouldn't swear cara, he's not like that.

OP posts:
TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 17/01/2017 20:45

Op you need to protect your son's future here. The more he sees his father act in an abusive way towards women, the more likely he isnto do the same. Do you want to live in a home with an abusive husband and a teen son who also talks down to you?

Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 20:47

Trifle it hasn't got anything to do with me, really I do try

It has everything to do with you. Your son's behaviour will be increasingly influenced by his father's attitude towards women.

CaraAspen · 17/01/2017 20:48

"MrsDustyBusty

Well I think for those of us who read your last thread, that your husband was really rude to the teacher isn't really all that surprising. And I do believe that there's an excellent chance that your son is replicating the attitude he sees from his father."

I think that's a bit harsh. As is detention for interrupting. That the OP's son was rude is, however, not in question.

CaraAspen · 17/01/2017 20:50

"cherrycrumblecustard

I hope you're wrong, he's always been lovely. But maybe. sad"

They are wrong, OP - or taking wild guesses. Possibly they are enjoying this a bit too much...

RubyJack · 17/01/2017 20:51

Did you have a similar incident before?
I remember reading about a similar situation a while back.
Maybe another poster.

Original poster
cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 20:51

It has nothing to do with me.

I do not tell DH to be rude, I do not encourage it, I do not laugh about it. It is him. Not me. Him.

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 17/01/2017 20:53

"cherrycrumblecustard

I can assure you Trifle I am not a bully. At all.

DH doesn't despise teachers."

Cherry, you are being incredibly restrained and polite. You are being ganged up on here, atm.

Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 20:55

CaraAspen

Have you read the OP's other threads about her husband? He sounds like an absolute twat of the first order but the OP is in deep, deep denial about it. He bullies his son's teacher, his son is starting to copy him and the OP reverts to "Well, what can I do?" learned helplessness whenever anyone points out that a) his behaviour is vile and b) she should do something about it.

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