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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's not necessarily rude to correct the teacher?

258 replies

cherrycrumblecustard · 16/01/2017 17:38

DS is nearly ten, he's always been well behaved for the most part and very polite. But lately he has had a bit of an edge to him. He's told me today he's been told off and had to lose his break for correcting the teachers spelling. I know it depends on how he did it. From what he's said he wasn't that rude but is it the correcting that's rude, full stop?

OP posts:
ptangyangkipperbanguuh · 17/01/2017 17:35

Just curiosity... You said DH didn't make it better but you didn't really say what the outcome was re the teacher and the sanction. So, we now know the sanction was for interrupting, not for the correction of the spelling. It's a fair cop, really!

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 17:38

Well, no, that's not quite what I meant ptang, he got the detention for interrupting to correct the spelling - I am not sure how you mean by outcome, sorry.

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Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 17:40

OP, is it normal for you to suddenly become this uncommunicative? People have tried to help here over 8 pages of posts. A proper update would be polite.

Looks to me as though your DH has (not for the first time?) gone in all guns blazing and you are silently egging him on. If your DS was interrupting then he deserved the sanction, didn't he?

Poor teacher Hmm

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 17:41

I'm not really sure what to update you with Trifle, I'm sorry? I didn't go in remember? I'd just be repeating what DH has said which isn't very nice.

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cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 17:42

I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I was egging him on, though.

OP posts:
ptangyangkipperbanguuh · 17/01/2017 17:44

hmmm...outcome as in the answerer to your question to the teacher which was, I thought, to clarify why your son had been punished. Whether he corrected the spelling or not is immaterial. Lots of teachers on here have revealed that we are, generally, OK with correction but done tactfully or in the spirit of teacher-child normal relationships in that class. It sounds like your son didn't do that. I think this detention is harsh for a 9 year old, personally, but I'm a softie ,and all schools differ in punishment policies. Hopefully, the teacher will be able to talk this through with him and teach him how to better handle himself in future. 9 year old boys can go through a condescending phase (which, let's face it, can last into adulthood ...)

ptangyangkipperbanguuh · 17/01/2017 17:44

hmmm...outcome as in the answerer to your question to the teacher which was, I thought, to clarify why your son had been punished. Whether he corrected the spelling or not is immaterial. Lots of teachers on here have revealed that we are, generally, OK with correction but done tactfully or in the spirit of teacher-child normal relationships in that class. It sounds like your son didn't do that. I think this detention is harsh for a 9 year old, personally, but I'm a softie ,and all schools differ in punishment policies. Hopefully, the teacher will be able to talk this through with him and teach him how to better handle himself in future. 9 year old boys can go through a condescending phase (which, let's face it, can last into adulthood ...)

Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 17:51

cherrycrumblecustard: I'm not really sure how to explain it. You seemed invested in the situation when you thought it was the teacher at fault, but now your DS and DH seem to be at fault (for their rudeness) you don't seem to want to be involved. Your tone has become oddly detached. You have started giving one word answers to simple questions about what has gone on, even though this is your thread. Weird really.

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 17:54

I might hsve been multi tasking Trifle, sorry. I didn't necessarily think the teacher was at fault. Just wondered really (I start threads about all sorts, it doesn't mean I'm invested) Anyway came home,asked DH how it went and he's been really rude so I didn't write that down, is all.

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MrsDustyBusty · 17/01/2017 18:07

Well I think for those of us who read your last thread, that your husband was really rude to the teacher isn't really all that surprising. And I do believe that there's an excellent chance that your son is replicating the attitude he sees from his father.

albertcamus · 17/01/2017 18:09

My experience in teaching (28 years now), has shown me that any teacher who is secure in their subject knowledge (which they SHOULD be), learns quickly how to deal with a student picking up on a minor error & fields this without making a drama of it, or punishing the student, which is a ridiculous and counter-productive response. All is soon forgotten and everyone moves on.

However, there is a very small minority of teachers who are out of their depth and/or have an inflexible attitude towards the students due to the chips on their own shoulders. I've seen some shocking practice in which students are punished for, basically, seeing through them.

This infuriated me when I had to work with an incompetent MFL colleague who victimised the students for her own inadequacy. I hated seeing them lose out due to her inadequacy, which needless to say went unaddressed by Management. Many SN students in particular developed a real fear of the subject and even school itself, which is plainly wrong.

Lweji · 17/01/2017 18:11

I'm afraid I agree with MrsDustyBusty, cherry.

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 18:13

I hope you're wrong, he's always been lovely. But maybe. Sad

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MrsDustyBusty · 17/01/2017 18:17

I'm sure he is lovely but children, particularly pre teens, are just at the ideal stage to start acting out and testing their power. It's clear that your husband exerts a lot of control at home, I think if your husband is modelling powerful, disruptive behaviour it's not unlikely, unfortunately.

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 18:25

I suppose. I wish DS hadn't told him

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cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 18:25

I suppose. I wish DS hadn't told him, to be honest!

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Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 18:38

Are you the same poster whose husband talks down to and obviously despises teachers? Who can't and won't address his behaviour? I thought I recognised the tone Hmm

If so, to be honest, I think your whole family sounds like you are bullying that teacher, your DH through his aggression and you by continuing to question the teacher and not supporting her to your DS. You know how rude your DH has been to her in the past. You know your DS picks up on his behaviour. You still post on AIBU with threads massively lacking in context.

Just odd. Again, if I am right about your previous posts.

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 19:05

I can assure you Trifle I am not a bully. At all.

DH doesn't despise teachers.

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cantkeepawayforever · 17/01/2017 19:08

The thing is, if you read what others have posted at all, you will know that it is ikely that your DS was rude in the way he corrected the teacher - you said yourself that he had 'an edge' and is 'arrogant'.

Several posters, me included, made an explicit link to your DH's behaviour, which as you have already posted on here is abusive both physically and verbally, and which as we have said is very likely to be being picked up by DS in the way he interacts with other adults, as it is his 'normal'.

You then allowed your DH to go into school, which you already knew would not solve the problem of your DS's behaviour (which I therefore conclude that you didn't care about, as otherwise you would have tried to discuss it with school, rather than allowing your abusive DH to do so) .. and now you seem a bit surprised. Tbh, the teacher will just be saying 'now we understand why cherrycrumble junior behaves as they do, look at his dad'.... although depending on HOW abusive your DH was, there may be noteas on other files as well, just as part of the 'building up a picture' which underpins all successful work with children.

You just don't seem to be very good, to be frank, at joining the obvious dots. I can understand, though, if you are on the receiving end of the treatment you have outlines, you are unlikely to be in the best place to make accurate judgements. It may be, if the school are on the ball, that they may start to join dots between changes in your child's behaviour, your DH's behaviour etc.

nobodysbabynow · 17/01/2017 19:08

You are right Trifle, it's the same poster. If I was that teacher, I would be refusing to meet you husband again OP.

SleepingCitySidewalk · 17/01/2017 19:14

Op am I getting confused or haven't you yourself been a teacher or similar until recently?

cantkeepawayforever · 17/01/2017 19:19

nobody - agreed, and faced with an abusive parent, as well as changes in behaviour of the child, I might well be considering CP / vulnerable child concerns as well.

cherrycrumblecustard · 17/01/2017 19:24

He's not abusive to the teacher and it's not a CP concern. Thanks for the advice.

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Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 19:41

nobodysbabynow: Absolutely.

Trifleorbust · 17/01/2017 19:42

Okay, OP, what did he say to the teacher?

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