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AIBU?

Sick of being asked when the next one is coming

120 replies

user1470064958 · 15/01/2017 20:46

We had DD 6 months ago getting on as expected, loving being a mum but aibu to be so sick of being asked / pressured to have a sibling already / if at all!!!

4 days after birth it began and it just doesn't stop from friends and family!

We are married and in our thirties but currently are happy and have no plans for another at all. I know this may well change but I just don't understand how it is everyone's right to ask/ badger about the subject. My sister in law is a real smart arse about it as they have three. It's getting to the point where I want to tell everyone to F**k off and mind there own business.

I feel incredibly annoyed by it all and just feel if / when we say we are happy as is that it's all going to be rammed down our throats how selfish we are. Surely it's OUR decision and isn't anyone's business except maybe DH, DD and the person who's vagina the sibling will come out of?!

OP posts:

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Lazyafternoon · 16/01/2017 19:38

I've been asked constantly since DS was tiny.

The "you need to hurry up or you'll have a big gap" was particularly hurtful as we'd been TTC almost straight away but with issues.

Eventually, from when he was about 2, I started to be a bit more honest and say more along the lines of "well it hasn't happened yet and according to fertility consultant we've been seeing for last couple of year it's unlikely to happen without IVF which we can't afford." Shuts them up.

38cody · 16/01/2017 19:48

They are just teasing - lighten up

Stonewash · 16/01/2017 20:09

People shouldn't ask, but it's incredible how many then try to argue about it.

Infertile? "Have you ever thought about adoption?" (yes, long before random people asked on a regular basis) or "get a cat" or "you obviously weren't meant to have any more" or "You can have mine! Ha ha ha!"

Decided to stop at one? "You're selfish not to have another" or "You'll change your mind" or "You'll regret it, make sure you don't get too old!"

Battyboo82 · 16/01/2017 20:18

I've had two and I get it too. I had a pp bleed after the first, very bad, and nearly had one after the second but they retrieved the bit of stuck placenta. And even after all that the nurses etc on the ward were full of, oh we'll see you soon then. NO. NO. NO.

Princesspinkgirl · 16/01/2017 20:19

My lo is 14 days old i have already been asked when's the next me and DP have already agreed next year we will start TTC again as thats what we both want op just ignore

Rarotonga · 16/01/2017 20:23

How annoying, OP? They probably just have nothing more interesting to say or talk about. It is very rude though. I am pg with dc1 and am already being pressured into saying when we will try for number 2 by mil.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 16/01/2017 20:26

Anyone can get this - and YANBU to be annoyed by it!

My friend has 7 DCs - the youngest was only born in October 2016 - and she is already getting the "oo, will you be going for an even number?" and "so when's number 8 due?"

It's almost the standard thing to say for some people.

JassyRadlett · 16/01/2017 20:31

They are just teasing - lighten up

Seriously? People have shared their heartbreak on this thread and you're going with 'lighten up'.

There's a word for 'teasing' that causes another person upset or pain. It isn't pretty.

PastysPrincess · 16/01/2017 20:46

Well said JassyRadlett.

user1470064958 · 16/01/2017 20:57

Teasing implies making a joke?!

How is it a joke question!?!

OP posts:

Carnabyqueen · 16/01/2017 21:00

I honestly think it's just something people say. I don't think they are bothered at all whether you have another or not. It's just a standard question when you've had a baby. Let it wash over you. Just rely with something non comital.

PurpleDaisies · 16/01/2017 21:08

They are just teasing - lighten up

Let it wash over you. Just rely with something non comital.

Right, because that's just so easy when you want a/another child but can't have one.

nooka · 16/01/2017 21:21

I had dd accidentally close to ds, so have the 'perfect' family in so many people's minds, but still got asked a bit (not now they are teenagers though). I said that dh was booked in for the snip/had had the snip and it closed the conversation down pretty quickly. So that's one option, but it obviously doesn't work if you actually would love to have another baby.

Pestopinenuts · 16/01/2017 21:25

Why cant people mind their own business??? This is what I dont get, in here I always see people complaining about this stuff and we all seem to agree is pretty bad behaviour.
So if so many of us agree, and would never do this, how come there are so many people out there that think it is OK to ask these things???!!!!!

haveacupoftea · 16/01/2017 21:47

My friend got sick of these comments, so she got sterilised!

lorelairoryemily · 16/01/2017 22:00

I had someone ask me recently "so do you actually want another baby?" Ds is 9 months!! My standard reply is oh at least 5 more. Shuts them up. Nobody's business but I don't think they mean anything by it, it's just something to say

Carnabyqueen · 17/01/2017 07:22

Pest, you do realise MN isn't a representation of the whole of society don't you?

Whatsername17 · 17/01/2017 07:51

My dh always used to respond with 'we aren't sure yet, when are you next planning to have a lot of sex?' It's something that really winds him up. I'm 39+4 with number 2 - another dd we think (according to the scan but daren't get too carried away incase it's wrong) and we have been asked by everyone when we will try for a boy . The answer is, we won't! We are delighted to have another girl (the first one we made is freaking awesome) and just find the question so rude!

JassyRadlett · 17/01/2017 08:21

Pest, you do realise MN isn't a representation of the whole of society don't you?

Yes, it's a place where people are more open about what annoys and hurts them than in real life, where they are expected not to make rude, nosy or thoughtless people feel uncomfortable about their fuckwittery.

Qwertie · 17/01/2017 11:57

My friend asked me today if we're having another, we have 3. The questions never stop.

elliejjtiny · 17/01/2017 13:09

Yanbu, I hate this. I've got 5 boys and I regularly get asked if we are going to keep trying until we have a girl.

sitha20 · 17/01/2017 17:43

YANBU it is irritating especially if you and OH already have your own plans. It's like people trying to get in your space that, well that's how it seems

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ilovechocolate07 · 17/01/2017 17:43

It's a bit of a conversation starter, probably nothing in it.

namechangeannie · 17/01/2017 18:11

YANBU. Our daughter will be 3 this summer and since her birth I've had a termination and two miscarriages. Although different, all three experiences were traumatic and upsetting. I hate it when people ask us.

I'm sure I must have asked people this before though, I don't think you can fully understand how annoying / intrusive it is until you are in the situation yourself.

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2017 18:15

It's a bit of a conversation starter, probably nothing in it.

Conversation starter? Is the conversation to want to have about someone's gynae history and their sex life?

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