Sick of being asked when the next one is coming

[user1470064958]

We had DD 6 months ago getting on as expected, loving being a mum but aibu to be so sick of being asked / pressured to have a sibling already / if at all!!!

4 days after birth it began and it just doesn't stop from friends and family!

We are married and in our thirties but currently are happy and have no plans for another at all. I know this may well change but I just don't understand how it is everyone's right to ask/ badger about the subject. My sister in law is a real smart arse about it as they have three. It's getting to the point where I want to tell everyone to F**k off and mind there own business.

I feel incredibly annoyed by it all and just feel if / when we say we are happy as is that it's all going to be rammed down our throats how selfish we are. Surely it's OUR decision and isn't anyone's business except maybe DH, DD and the person who's vagina the sibling will come out of?!

Not everyone would find it deeply personal it's quite a common thing to hear people say although it's not something I tend to ask. I'm sure there's lots of things that are perceived as deeply personal to some and not others

Did you miss all the other posters on the thread saying how much they hate it?

YANBU! I was asked this the first time on the maternity ward when ds was a few hours old! Pnd and the need to get a couple of health conditions and our finances in order put us off trying for a bit, have now 3 years later been trying for 6 months without success. Don't want to explain all that each time. I can't see how there's ever a good answer to the question unless you are actually pregnant when asked.

Honestly you can't win, if you have a small age gap you're criticised! Someone told me the other day I needed a hobby, I'm pregnant with DC3 but my other two are 8 and 10! Wtf?!

"If we had another now the childcare costs would be almost £3000 a month" usually shut people up for me

In fact all the while we WERE trying but my periods took ages to return after DC1 and then it took several more months till I fell pregnant.
It is often said without thinking but comments like that really sting whether you are happy with the number you have or are would like another but are having difficulties.

YANBU
If you gave one its when's next one?I have 4-(surely that's your lot done now)
Since when did pregnant women/new mums become such public property(and don't get me started on bump touching).no one asks a new dad bout next one.they should all just bugger off and let us enjoy our children,no matter whether its one or 10.our choice /decision and that's highly personal!!

I get this all the time, I am 45 and perimenopausal and they still ask! I am told regularly I am selfish to only have 1 and have even been reduced to tears by someone telling me how totally alone in the world dd will be when I'm gone! People feel it's a god given right to give their opinion on this and I really wish they wouldn't!

At our wedding reception, FIL plonked himself down beside my DM, crossed his arms and said, "Well, I suppose we sit back and wait for the grandchildren now..."

Yeah, OK, we'll just get down to it here on the dance floor, shall we?

I think they are envious of your one child while they are run ragged with two or more or at least I am

Smile sweetly and look pointedly at their chaos.

It's no ones business!

I have something similar - I answer that we can't (no idea if we can or can't) and it soon shuts them up.

YANBU - but people can't help themselves.
I've had it a lot after having DS2 - lots of head tilt and saying oh shame you had another boy - are you going to try for a girl?

My doctor at my six week check after DS2 on the other hand went through the contraception talk, told them DH was going for the snip - they said "just as well at your age you would have had to get a serious move on if you wanted a 3rd"
Didn't think 41 was that old

We are 11 years on, DD has HF aspergers and ADHD, DH and I both work FT (stressful, full-on FT!) with some international travel each (DH a lot more than me!), and have no immediate family support available.

We are STILL getting that question on occasion. DMIL has been quite vocal about it in the past, DM also but both have seen the reality of our lives (a little - DMIL is in LaLaLand about the amount of support she is demanding from DH still, making him drive down for the weekend and do all the manual jobs every 2nd weekend for the past 18 months!).

But we've always said DD is very much loved, but one was quite enough thank you very much (she was a challenging baby due to reflux and other problems from day 1 and her ASD/ADHD needs being dx'd at age 5).

DW eventually said ^When he can have it, it's his turn next" which got the message across!

DS is three and DD is ten days old : four people have asked me about # 3

You need to rehearse a ridiculously specific reply, such as "April 7th, 2019."

I have three DCs, one at 6 and twins at 1 and I STILL get asked if I'm finished. One of my twins is a girl and the other 2 are boys and I often also get 'aw that's nice you've had a girl, now your family is complete' i think thats a bloody ridiculous thing to say, somehow devaluing my two boys. I am happy with my healthy children no matter boys or girls. I always try abd take the any more questions with a bit of humour but it does get on my wick!

Don't say this. Unless you want to come across as a total twat

Eh. The person being spoken to has already outed themselves as a twat by asking such a stupid fucking question, so does that matter?

We had the same issue, now I give a standard "I can't have any more kids unfortunately" and they shut up.

My husband went through 4 years of trying for a baby. So many times well meaning people said to me, 'relax, it will happen when you're not trying.' Or came up with bizarre suggestions of how to improve our chances of success.
There were very personal questions as well. One man actually thought I was pregnant and asked when my baby was due! Ok, I do struggle with my weight but it's not ok to ask such personal questions!!
Eventually we went through IVF and it turned out that I'm infertile, we've since adopted 2 little girls.
You would think there wouldn't be any more questions; but actually even now people ask, 'Wouldn't your husband like a little boy to play trains with??' (He's a real trains enthusiast.)
It doesn't really upset me now, but it is annoying. And sexist, who says our daughters won't enjoy playing trains?? And in fact they do, and they're real Daddy's girls.

Absolutely not unreasonable. I did say 'Mind your own business' to my SIL. In the park when ds4 was a few weeks old. She was quite shocked as we get on well and normally aren't rude to each other. I did go on to say to her indeed we planned no more babies.

Jassy. Yes the person asking is a twat. But why reduce yourself to that level?

YANBU!!! I get this all the time! I have a 4yo DD and my husband and I for various reasons (all of which are no one else's business) have decided to stick with 1. We're very happy but I have been told I am selfish and my child will be unhappy without a sibling! Its mainly by people who don't have any kids yet which really annoys me as they literally have no idea!!! People should just keep there noses out. If you're happy then sod what they think!!!

I think it's all in the way of asking. Asking a close personal friend in context (say, if they're not sure whether to go and view a bigger house or move jobs now) is fine - but as I say, in context. I wouldn't mind if family asked either, but I have good, close relationships with them all and it would tend to be in context again - e.g. discussing whether to book a big holiday together or something. Midwives - generally they are just trying to be nice / funny.

Work colleagues and people on the bus are a different kettle of fish imo.

I think for me it's not necessarily the asking itself (although a lot of the time it's quite intrusive anyway) it's the people who question your answer or minimise your experiences. I'm often told (usually with a dismissive tone) that I will "forget the pain" and be ready in a few years. I get the impression some people don't believe me either when I tell them how awful it was.

Of course just simply not wanting another one is a valid answer too.

Jassy. Yes the person asking is a twat. But why reduce yourself to that level?

Shits and giggles?