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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About my Sunday dinner guest tonight...

120 replies

maddiemookins16mum · 15/01/2017 19:42

I'm so peeved I've hidden in the kitchen, washing up.
Have friends round for Sunday dinner (so basically a main meal of sorts).
Me, DP, DD (12), 4 other adults. Two of each couple work with DP. I know one couple very well, get on great.

Other couple, know the male better as he works with DP. His wife I've met about 4 times, got on well, I work in the travel industry, we've spent many an hour talking holidays.

They came round at 4.30pm. Dinner was slow cooked lamb shanks, roast potatoes, carrots, broccoli and green beans.

Wife of 2nd couple (the one I discussed travel with), announced on arrival, "oh by the way, I'm not eating meat in January?"

I was slightly stunned but carried on getting drinks etc. (took DP aside and said "is she not eating the flipping lamb".

Turns out no, so I got an Iceland frozen salmon steak out t'freezer and cooked it with a pouch of Ainsley Harriot veg cous cous and she had our normal veg too. The roast potatoes were cooked with goose fat left over from Christmas.

The worst bit is, our cat (fluffballmookins), is unwell. She's about 15. She smells. I think it's her breath, her teeth are bad but she would need an operation under gas to clean them but she would not survive/cope with an operation.

Four times in the last hour she has said "that cat smells". She is sitting in the armchair and Fluffball is snoring above her head. Three times I've said, "swap seats with me", I'm on the end seat of a three seater sofa (there is also another armchair).

She picked at her dinner, drank 5 glasses of wine (I only had three bottles between 6 adults on a Sunday night), has smoked just outside my kitchen door, and told DD it's too expensive to train to be a vet so don't bother.

AIBU to want her gone now at half seven (usually they leave about 10).
Disclaimer - we plan these nights (all friends apart from one, have tomorrow off and one doesn't drink, he's the driver).

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 15/01/2017 21:40

"5 glasses of wine is a lot. Jeeze"

It really isn't. How much does the average British person drink on a weekend night?

FinnegansCake · 15/01/2017 21:48

She sounds rude. No meat in January? WTF? Either don't accept any invitations or make an exception and eat at least a bit of the bloody meat. Personally I've no time for attention seekers like that. If she were vegetarian that would be another matter altogether, and normally she would have said so beforehand, but to just swan in and announce it casually ... she'd have had an omelette in my house, never mind salmon!

I would also be mightily cheesed off if guests turned up for a dinner party at 4.30pm.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 15/01/2017 21:51

The 5 glasses of wine being alot depends on the size, a bottle is 3 large glasses so if she had 5 large glasses she has had nearly 2 bottles....and yes that is a lot of wine!

That wouldn't really annoying me though the main issue is would have is not telling you she wasn't eating meat, I think that's pretty outrageous behaviour considering she knew you were cooking and it's more than likely going to be a Sunday roast. As soon as she did that it would have put my back up, op you handled it better than I would have, no wonder you needed to vent!

maddiemookins16mum · 15/01/2017 21:54

5 glasses is about a bottle (if using small glasses). I only bought three bottles between 5 (one non drinker, plus DP who drinks cider), she's had 7 small glasses now (my glasses are 125 mls I think). Is that not nearly a bottle and a half.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 15/01/2017 21:56

Not what you posted about, but if your cat smells that bad you need to get her to a vet. Increased odour can be a sign of kidney disease which needs treating.

And if it is 'only' her teeth they also need treating. Age is not a risk factor for anaesthesia assuming no other health problems, as age itself is not a disease. Your cat could live another 5 years and dental disease is agonisingly painful, plus increases her risks of kidney and heart disease as bacteria from the tooth infections settle in these organs.

Please don't let her suffer from treatable disease because she's 'old'.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 15/01/2017 21:57

Ah small glasses is different, 750ml bottle of mine so roughly 6 glasses per bottle so she has had just over a bottle.

Mrskeats · 15/01/2017 21:57

What a rude mare
The only unreasonable thing you have done is not to say 'are you intentionally being rude'
Bringing no wine and drinking lot is bad manners as are the cat comments and the no info re the meat thing.
Saying that to your daughter is shocking too. I would have said something (you are clearly nicer than me op)

Gwenhwyfar · 15/01/2017 21:58

"No meat in January? WTF? "

What the hell is wrong with giving up meat for January? I'm doing dry January, are you against that as well?

Yes, she should have remembered to warn the host in advance, but she can eat what she likes.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/01/2017 21:59

FinnegansCake......it was Sunday lunch/dinner (they all work shifts etc, two of them did an early (6-3) and drove here.

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 15/01/2017 21:59

She will be gone very soon thank God I share your pain, pat on the back op well done

Gwenhwyfar · 15/01/2017 21:59

OP should have bought more wine or asked everyone to bring a bottle if bringing a pudding instead wasn't acceptable.

TwentyCups · 15/01/2017 22:07

Ok working through the problems here:
The cat - it was a bit rude of her but I assume when she declined to swap seats it was because she was hinting that she wanted the cat removed. Cat has now been removed so all is well.
The alcohol - I don't think that's a problem, I would probably have more in that that. If you invite them again (big if!!) I would ask them to bring a bottle.
The meat thing - she was in the wrong, you should inform your host before you turn up! Very kind of you to prepare her a separate dish rather than just serving the vegetables. Since she's still eating fish, and only doing it for a month it doesn't seem like she's too dedicated to the cause! Anyone who cares makes sure of the options well in advance ( and I speak as a life long vegetarian, now vegan).
The smoking - I would have closed the door or asked her to step further away - I'm a smoker and sometimes it's hard to smell it yourself, don't ever be afraid to tell them - it's your home!
Her comments to your daughter - rude. Have a word with your daughter and tell her it was rude and to pay no attention!
Being on MN on your phone during the party - I can't blame you! Better to vent on here than let it boil up and ruin an already threatened night!

Hope it improves OP - grab another glass of booze whilst you can!

Clutterbugsmum · 15/01/2017 22:17

I'd suggest she eats the Lamb as this not eating meat in January seems to making her anti social.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/01/2017 22:24

Picture of ridiculous, smelly cat (for comedy purposes).....

About my Sunday dinner guest tonight...
OP posts:
MudCity · 15/01/2017 22:26

Your cat is part of your family and lives in your house. She isn't and doesn't. She wouldn't get another invitation from me. How dare she criticise your lovely cat! If someone came to my house and criticised our animals they would get very short shrift.

MudCity · 15/01/2017 22:27

Beautiful cat OP.

LanaorAna1 · 15/01/2017 22:34

What a gorgeous kitty! Such lovely fur. I hope she bit that guest.

PassTheWineAndFags · 15/01/2017 22:34

Truly gorgeous cat, I'd rather spend time with a stinky cat that a whinging house guest.

FurryDogMother · 15/01/2017 22:39
  1. She is choosing not to eat meat this month, she could either have told you in advance, or chosen to make an exception as you'd gone to the trouble of cooking for her.

  2. She must know she's partial to a bit more wine than the average guest, and should have brought at least a couple of bottles with her so no one else was left short.

  3. Your cat is lovely - our old Sinbad was a smelly cat too. Probably best that you removed cat from guest's locality, though she could have said it once and then shut up.

  4. Never invite her again :)

Gobbelino · 15/01/2017 22:39

What a gorgeous cat! And what an unbelievably rude guest. You're definitely NOT being unreasonable - I would have quite happily told her that Dcat was old and under vet's investigation and that it would be best she swapped seats as there wasn't anything that could be done about it...
And shutting a kitchen door doesn't stop the awful smell drifting in - I'd have asked her to move (and have done so in the past)

Botanicbaby · 15/01/2017 22:42

Beautiful cat and agree YANBU the guest sounds utterly ghastly.

Unbelievably rude to comment on your pet, drink loads of wine she didn't bring some along and announce on the doorstep in arrival her spurious reason for suddenly not eating meat,

The minute she complained about my pet, I think I'd have made it clear she should fuck off home. No bloody way would I have specially made her a separate dish nor would I invite her back.

YourFace · 15/01/2017 22:43

Whether or not you bring pudding, it's weird not to also bring wine. Wine is just a standard bring to a dinner thing, unless it's dinner with people who don't drink of course.

RubbishMantra · 15/01/2017 23:00

Mookinscat a v. pretty fluffball.

I'm another one who's more concerned about kitty than your ridiculous, moany guest.

Cats are SO good at hiding pain. Might be worth getting a second opinion from another vet re. GA for her teeth, and a general check over? My cat lost a fair amount of weight when he got tartar build up. After a scale and polish he's happier in himself, and back to his usual rotund, sleek and glossy self.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/01/2017 23:10

I know, I know. But I have been to the vets with her (twice this year with blood tests etc). I flippin love that cat.
All guests have gone, said it was a lovely night!!

OP posts:
StillaChocoholic · 15/01/2017 23:15

Fish is meat! She's a bit of an idiot if she's eating fish despite not eating meat this month 😑