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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ruin husband's birthday meal?

97 replies

Coastalcommand · 15/01/2017 13:01

We were due to go out today for DH birthday with good friends we don't see very often.
He's had a cold but is recovering. Last night our 5 week old seemed to be coming down with it, so I told DH I was worried about taking her out.
He cancelled his lunch and now she seems to be looking better.
He's stomping around, clearly upset. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 15/01/2017 13:03

Yes, a bit. But you're a new mum, so you should be forgiven.

ElspethFlashman · 15/01/2017 13:04

A bit yes. Babies have colds all the time. You can't physically not leave the house every time.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/01/2017 13:05

Sorry but yes, a 5 week old baby isn't likely to feel any better/worse for going along to a birthday meal. Your DP however clearly feels a lot worse. Hopefully you can make it up to him soon.

booellesmum · 15/01/2017 13:06

Can you rearrange for tonight and go out for dinner?

tissuesosoft · 15/01/2017 13:10

Bit late now probably but couldn't your DH have gone to the lunch without you? Then takeaway or something tonight for the two of you?

MatildaTheCat · 15/01/2017 13:11

Go now and have a nice lunch anyway? Friends may be able to join you but if not at least you've done something.

NapQueen · 15/01/2017 13:11

Can you ring the friends and say sorry for cancelling last minute why not come round this evening and we can get a takeaway?

Doobydoo · 15/01/2017 13:12

He needs to grow up!

Original poster
Coastalcommand · 15/01/2017 13:16

Eeek. I thought so :(
Lunch was in his hometown, a couple of hours drive, so we'd have had to leave by 10.30. I suggested staying at home with the baby but he didn't want to go without us.
Will cook him a nice dinner and try to rearrange. Thanks for tips.

OP posts:
TheTantrumCometh · 15/01/2017 13:22

I think the two and a bit hours drive is important here. I wouldn't want to go with a baby who is most likely coming down with something and be two and half hours away from home. I probably wouldn't do that with this baby, my third, never mind being just five weeks into parenting.

I understand your DH's disappointment, but is he really stropping around the house? Confused That's odd, and childish. Perhaps he should consider it a lesson- once you're a parent your wants are secondary to someone else's needs, birthday or not.

Carrados · 15/01/2017 13:25

I don't think he's being childish. It's probably that he feels a bit disappointed and also re-adjusting to life with a baby. I'm sure a chat would help and something like a takeaway or date at home to make him feel valued. Then I'm sure he'll apologise for reacting with a strop.

Hoppinggreen · 15/01/2017 13:25

It might have been a unnecessary to cancel but your DH is really going to get his head around the fact that your lives have radically changed now and his birthday arrangements are no longer as important as they once were!!

Lilaclily · 15/01/2017 13:28

Oh you've got a 5 week old you can be as unreasonable as you like imo

Get a nice takeaway and some bubbles tonight and cheer him up

diddl · 15/01/2017 13:30

Well he ultimately took the decision to cancel when he could have gone alone or perhaps invited them to you for a takeaway?

"A bit yes. Babies have colds all the time. You can't physically not leave the house every time."

My PFB didn't-I'm sure that at 5wks old I would only have taken them out if I had to-and this wouldn't have been a "had to" occasion for e!

DoItTooJulia · 15/01/2017 13:31

In total agreement with @Lilaclily

8 hours out of the house with a poorly newborn (my cut off is 6 weeks!), NBU at all to postpone. (Make sure your DH gets that it's postponed and not cancelled, might help the disappointment a bit)

WyfOfBathe · 15/01/2017 13:33

You're being A bit U, going to a restaurant won't make a difference to a 5 week old - she'd still have you, milk, nappy changes, cuddles & somewhere to sleep. That's all she needs.

BlueberryGateaux · 15/01/2017 13:34

Yanbu, 5 week old baby and 4 hour round trip just for a lunch sounds too much to me.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2017 13:39

You were being a bit unreasonable. Can you reschedule?

SisyphusHadItEasy · 15/01/2017 13:41

WYBU? In the "new, terrible, brutal" MN opinion, perhaps.

In all honesty, your DH is understandably upset, as he was looking forward to this. Why cancel it all, when you could have rung them and said "baby is ill, so I may need to beat a hasty retreat, but DH can't wait to see you - just apologising/warning in advance"?

Remember that you, your DH, and your DC are actually separate people, and even if one is ill, others may not be. Don't let your DC dictate the entire family's movement - that is the seed from which the "help me, my kid rules the household!" grows.

Jayfee · 15/01/2017 13:44

no no ..unless there is a new superbreed of mum i think you need 6 weeks to be ready to face the world fully after having a baby....or am i wimp of the world??

VimFuego101 · 15/01/2017 13:47

If you suggested he go alone and he didn't want to, YANBU.

Trills · 15/01/2017 13:49

You were being rather optimistic to plan something a two hour a drive away with a 5 week old baby.

pipsqueak25 · 15/01/2017 13:53

priorities have to change when you have a very young child, the world shouldn't stop turning but sometimes adjustments need to be made, he's disappointed but he could have gone with the friends on his own, or even rearrange something nearer to you.

Gymnopedies · 15/01/2017 13:53

YANBU
He should have gone on his own if it was important to him.

Pastaagain78 · 15/01/2017 13:54

I though it was a teeny bit unreasonably when I thought the lunch was local, however, yanbu considering the time in the car. That would have been too much for me with a potentially poorly newborn.