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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for your punishments for 2.5-3.5 year olds?

36 replies

JaneEyreWasASellout · 15/01/2017 09:16

Just cruising the vibe to see if I'm on the right track with mine, and if there is anything more clever out there. TIA.

OP posts:

Notso · 15/01/2017 09:27

Didn't have any, other than removal of whatever toy they were clobbering their sibling with or pen they were drawing on the wall with or leaving toddler group/play barn early for hitting.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 09:28

Removal from the room where the good stuff is happening - in the hall until ready to behave.

Gardencentregroupie · 15/01/2017 09:39

I don't punish my 2 year old. Stop her hitting, take away anything dangerous/destructive, tell her 'no' firmly, remove her from a situation yes. What do you mean by punishing?

limon · 15/01/2017 09:45

It's barbaric to punish such small hidden in my opinion.

lionsleepstonight · 15/01/2017 09:46

I'll be honest, never punished either. A strong 'no' and or removal of item has always been enough. What do you define as punishment OP?

Lazyafternoon · 15/01/2017 09:46

I wouldn't use the term punishment as such... But like others say removal from the situation has worked best for me.

It does involve me keeping a close eye him and acting like a ninja when I spot him doing something wrong. Straight away..... "No, kicking is naughty" , physically pick him up and move him (even just a metre away, but so facing away from situation, but ideally to a quieter place or room), "you must not kick", come sit/ stand, here (just anywhere out of the situation) for a moment, give me hug (to make sure he's calm) then go and say sorry.

If I don't act instantly I'm not sure DS (just turned 3) actually gets what I'm going on about if I try and tell him what he did was naughty. So any delayed 'punishment' after the event seems a bit futile. Saying if you don't say sorry we will go home (soft play is where his worst behaviour seems to occur!) sometimes works, but I have to be prepared to leave if he doesn't.

If i have missed something happening, like preschool tell me he did something, then I'll try and talk to him about hitting being naughty, it hurts, not very nice, much better to cuddle than hit etc. Not convinced of its effectiveness just yet, but worth a try!

Original poster

JaneEyreWasASellout · 15/01/2017 09:56

Punishment as a term obviously doesn't imply barbarism. I will save my Scrubs' janitor's baby cage for when they are older. I mean taking favourite toys away for a day or a week or what you will, making them sit on a chair for a few minutes and putting them back there if they move, no dessert, and so forth. There must be good punishments that do the trick, though, surely?

OP posts:

Gooseberryfools · 15/01/2017 09:57

Reward the good things. Give quality attention.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2017 09:58

This is all rather strange - your cruising for punishments for a toddler? Anything more than removal of toy or a firm "no" is surely abuse.

waterrat · 15/01/2017 10:00

I wouldn't punish at this age in any way. Firm telling off or No.

You wpuld take toys away for a day or week from a toddler ? They won't remember why after 5 minutes.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 10:01

I wouldn't remove toys from a 2 year old unless it was a problem involving the toy - they're just too young to get it. I wouldn't punish for a day or a week - ditto. I would give time limited punishments linked to the behaviour, eg removal from the situation, time out etc.

It's not 'barbaric'

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 10:02

VladmirsPoutine: 'Abuse'? Putting a toddler back in their play pen for 5 minutes? Have a grip.

TeaBelle · 15/01/2017 10:04

Logical consequences here - so if she hits me then a short period of no interaction (30 secs) followed by sorry and a hug. Toys removed if she throws after a warning. But like pp I try to set up life so that she avoids naughty behaviour eg I don't leave her alone with pens, so no drawing on the wall

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2017 10:05

Thanks trifle grip accepted. I mean that it's cruel and unusual to seek to punish a toddler in excess as they just don't get it. Time out, removal of a toy is fine. What else is there? OP seems to want to add to her catalogue of punishments.

Gooseberryfools · 15/01/2017 10:05

Punishments have to fit the crime. A punishment should be more about helping a child reflect on his behaviour and enabling them make better considered choices in the future. It shouldn't be about making sure a child behaves better solely due to fear of consequences.

So if a 4 year old stole someone's treat, you could help them reflect on how that victim must feel, help them reflect on what your child can do to make things right. (Use their pocket money to replace sweet and say sorry).

Birdsgottafly · 15/01/2017 10:08

""mean taking favourite toys away for a day or a week""

A week is too long, at this age. The rest of the afternoon/morning, is enough. They won't connect what your doing with what you don't want them to do.

Time out isn't suitable for an under three year old and questionable, anyway.

What behaviour are you using the punishment for?

Birdsgottafly · 15/01/2017 10:11

""A punishment should be more about helping a child reflect on his behaviour and enabling them make better considered choices in the future.""

That's correct. However many children aren't capable of this until after 4 and depending on the behaviour, they aren't mentally able to.

I see a lot of parents expect behaviour from a two year old that they aren't capable of giving.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 10:11

VladmirsPoutine: Agreed. There is absolutely no point in a punitive approach.

Gardencentregroupie · 15/01/2017 10:17

I don't do any of the things you listed. I will take a toy away if it's being thrown/damaged after a warning, but to stop it being damaged or hurting someone. Time outs would just create a brand new battle, and I don't use food as a punishment or reward. Doesn't mean I'm soft though, in fact I'm pretty firm on behaviour but in more of a 'teaching her what's right' kind of way.

witsender · 15/01/2017 10:19

Didn't have any. Removal of whatever was causing an issue until it stopped.

ConvincingLiar · 15/01/2017 10:25

I'm a barbaric child abuser, so for really naughty behaviour, after a warning, we make our nearly 2.5 year old sit and look at the wall for about 2 minutes. Then we talk about why she had to do it. She usually hates it and the threat of it is often enough to stop her.

BigBadgers · 15/01/2017 10:26

I don't really get the idea of taking a toy away because a child has hit. I don't think my 2 year old would have got the connection and it would have just escalates the situation.

I just go for related consequences. If she hits, she gets told we don't hit and that I won't play with her if she is hitting me. I then walk away until she is calm. If she was throwing a toy at me or something I would tell her to stop or I would take it away until she has calmed down. I wouldn't remove it for an arbitrary amount of time though such as a whole day, just until she agrees to be sensible with it.

I never used food as a punishment or reward. I have never used sticker charts either for that matter.

CommunionHelp · 15/01/2017 10:28

I take away the toy/whatever and talk gently but with a bit of 'firm' in my voice, along with with sitting om my knee, encouraging her to tell me anything she needs to about how she's feeling.

Children so young can't really make the connection between their behaviour and long-term 'punishment.' It has to be immediate. I also would never do a 'naughty step' type thing for a 2/3 year old.

Also careful about how I use language.

katand2kits · 15/01/2017 10:29

I don't punish my children at all.

BigBadgers · 15/01/2017 10:31

I can't imagine how I would have got my 2.5 year old to sit on a chair for 2 minutes. It would have just turned into a whole new horrific battle and escalated everything. By the time I got her to do it she would have forgotten what she was there for. Much easier to just calmly walk away and tell her I don't want to play with her if she is hitting me.

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