to ask for your punishments for 2.5-3.5 year olds?

[JaneEyreWasASellout]

Just cruising the vibe to see if I'm on the right track with mine, and if there is anything more clever out there. TIA.

I don't punish , I discipline, i.e. In the true sense of the word, to guide. I believe in natural consequence, e.g. If you don't eat, you go hungry. If misbehaving or tantruming, I explain the issue and the appropriate behaviour and then ignore them until they have calmed down. If we're out I'll remove them from the situation.

BigBadgers: I wouldn't use a chair or a step. Just plonk them in the hallway, away from the toys and other children and TV and whatever else they are finding so difficult to cope with. They soon get the message and want to rejoin the fun.

If my 3yo is being naughty, we tell him to stop and he gets a warning. If he continues, we take the toy away and we ask him to go to his bedroom and think about what he did for a few minutes (and to calm down if he's having a tantrum!). Then we have a chat and explain why we told him off, why he shouldn't do what he was doing, etc and move on.

I used to ignore tantrums, but have recently changed tactics!

I ask if they want a cuddle, they nearly always say yes. Quick cuddle while naming the emotion, "I understand you feel angry/upset/frustrated, it's ok". The tantrum is over in a fraction of the time, works a treat!

The outcome is the same as if I had ignored them, ie they still don't get whatever they were yelling about etc.

It's just so much nicer than leaving them to scream themselves out of it, but took a while to get my head around.

Set and Reinforce boundarys yes but punish no.
Horrible term for a 2.5 year old. Yuk.

Punishment for usual disobedience one expects of otherwise pleasant and conscientious children that age. Hitting, kicking, throwing. At the moment I explain, reprimand or warn, depending on circumstances then do time-out involving chair-sitting without participation but in the same room as us for a few minutes, or removing a favourite toy for a day. Always with an explanation and a hug attached. It works more or less but more tips are helpful. Thanks for suggestions. More welcome. I have no problem with the word punishment BTW. It is a useful word. I use it here as a reasonable description of the action; I don't bandy it about in front of the children. I'm a bit fed-up with repetitive naughtiness. At some point the wooden block will get hurled through a window or into an eye and that would be a disaster. A 3 year old might have trouble with controlling their emotions but they are also able to understand consequences, otherwise they would still be eating the play-doh and getting sick surely?

JayneEyre unfortunately I really think the age you're referring to is still quite a bit too young for punishment! Being firm, consistent and keeping things simple with very simple language I think works best.

No way would I use food as a punishment or reward. Particularly if not related to the 'crime'. So saying no desert unless you eat one piece of carrot, or something like that. Or taking a bread stick away because they are trying to poke another child in the eye with it - fair enough. But to say you're not give a yoghurt for lunch because they wouldn't put their shoes on at 9am... no I don't think that would work. IMO any action needs to be instant and not delayed until later in the day.

My 3 year old DS still doesn't have any real concept of time. Things are in the past or they haven't happened yet. Yesterday, last week, tomorrow, next year are still confusing. Counting to 10 for him to do something is about as close as it gets. So I wouldn't necessarily make him sit on a chair/ step etc for a set period of time. It's not a punishment, its just giving time to calm down out of the situation. It also give you time to reassess the situation - are they overtired/ hungry/ bored and also take a breather and calm down myself.

So taking away a toy for doing something naughty, unless he hit someone with it, I can't imagine having an effect. It would only make my DS more upset and confused.

No need for punishment IMO. Removing a toy that is being thrown wouldn't really be punishment (at least, I wouldn't consider it as such), but rather a safety issue. "You can throw a ball in the garden but we don't throw things in the house." That sort of thing. I would avoid escalating into a battle of wills with a 2-year-old.

If she has hit, or thrown a toy, I take the toy away, or move her away and tell her why. I verbalise her feelings for her, as in 'that made you really cross didn't it, but we can't hit mummy because hitting isn't nice, it hurt mummy and made her feel sad' etc etc

Well, clearly I am the mother of Barbarians, so we used the naughty step for things like hitting or hair-pulling or throwing toys. Other things like natural consequences were also used e.g. if they ran off they had to go in the buggy. Other things hair washing, car seats I just insisted on while they screamed.

Then once they were older we moved to things like mortal combat and the blood eagle

Our dd is 11 and we have never punished her for anything. We're always told that her behaviour is "exemplary", so I don't think it has done her any harm.

We have always gone with age appropriate explanations as to why something isn't acceptable, and with pointing out any natural consequences that arise from her actions.

No need for punishment in my view.