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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you would break up with a pedophile?

103 replies

NotBanksy · 14/01/2017 14:44

Found out recently that someone I know has been convicted for downloading child pornography. Quick Facebook search showed him still online, despite the conviction being in August. It also showed that he was still dating his current gf.
Seems that she has stayed with him through out the revelations and conviction. Even going as far to post loved up pictures with him in the pub over Christmas and the new year.
I am just horrified by the whole thing.

  1. Because I have actually spent time with this monster and
  2. Because her reaction feels so off to me.

So Aibu? Would you maintain a relationship with a man who was creating a collection of child porn during your relationship?

m.stokesentinel.co.uk/whitmore-man-viewed-indecent-images-of-children-because-of-personal-problems/story-30049551-detail/story.html

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/01/2017 20:58

I'll save my sympathy for the children being abused, thanks.

Ffs, I never even mentioned the word sympathy. Of course my sympathy lies solely with the children who have been abused. It's doesn't mean that I can't feel uncomfortable with someone publishing a link with the guys name and then saying it how easy it was to find his partner.

NotBanksy · 14/01/2017 21:10

Paula

She was only easy to find because he was still using social media 5 months after his conviction. His page has since been removed. So she should be fine. I don't think she is too concerned as her page is still active with a profile pic of them both.

OP posts:
Whalesblowhole · 14/01/2017 21:12

Aww my heart bleeds...

If you stand by a convicted and self confessed child sex offender... you should be prepared for the flak. Angry

Community service and rehab, for Cat A images. Should have given the beast hard labour for life!

Do you think the children in the images will ever forget the abuse?

They both deserve the flak that it brings! IMHO

StarryIllusion · 14/01/2017 21:17

Yeah but what he told the police might not necessarily be what he told her. how many people have you seen in EA relationships, swallowing lie after lie, always insisting that he will change? I can't bring myself to judge her tbh. Him, yes and I hope he burns in Hell for eternity.

Whalesblowhole · 14/01/2017 21:19

Well she can read it for herself now can't she 😉

LeopardPrintSocks1 · 14/01/2017 21:23

Poor children being abused and these filthy people don't even go to prison for viewing it?! Disgusted at the system.

Whalesblowhole · 14/01/2017 21:26

Prison is too cosy for them!

A life of hard labour and isolation would be more apt.

These beasts should be stripped of human rights when they take the innocence of a child away Angry

UnbornMortificado · 14/01/2017 21:34

Prison is too cosy for them!

It would be if they were sent there.

Whalesblowhole · 14/01/2017 21:39

The system stinks!

UnbornMortificado · 14/01/2017 21:41

The fact the majority of the prison population is just and sickened by child sex crimes then we are.

Isn't it sometimes used by the sex offenders defence team? That prison wouldn't be safe for them.

UnbornMortificado · 14/01/2017 21:42

Sorry just as sickened that should be.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/01/2017 21:48

I have known of a few paedos. Only one spouse I know kicked him out immediately. The rest all stayed. I think they are a disgrace, and even more so when they continue to let said paedo see their own children.

SarcasmMode · 14/01/2017 22:04

Yes poor paedophiles need to be segregated for their own safety.

Boohoo - let them take what they get.

It speaks volumes when a high up Don or a gun for hire finds these men sickening.

UnbornMortificado · 14/01/2017 22:12

My old neighbour worked at Frankland. It's a category A prison. Even these offenders do not want to be around these "men"

Women prisoners by all accounts feel the same. Rose west is in low newton. All these years later she's still segregated from the general population. She has separate mealtimes the lot.

Whalesblowhole · 15/01/2017 00:16

And to think terrorists/suspected terrorists go to Guantanamo Camp and these beasts get 'special treatment'.

Read this article recently, it's utterly disturbing:

anonhq.com/undercover-researcher-infiltrates-the-deep-web-this-is-what-she-finds/

As far as the op goes, I can't get my head around why anyone would trust a beast like that! Or why they think it would change with rehab Angry

DailyFail1 · 15/01/2017 02:27

I think there are different levels of this - ones you make with real kids, ones you view with real kids, animated ones, drawings/cartoons. I think courts go for the real high profile ones who use TOR etc as they are easier to convict (more evidence done on purpose maybe) - unfortunately it's still true that you may encounter dodgy stuff while looking for legal porn on some search engines. The porn industry, web hosts and Google need to work harder to fix the problem.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/01/2017 02:31

I would break up with them, yes.
I couldn't stay with them.
Especially not with having young DC but even if I didn't, no. Just couldn't do it.

MrsBlennerhassett · 15/01/2017 02:42

hmmm i have a friend who was convicted of downloading child porn. He had been 18 at the time and had a pornography addiction and was downloading vast swathes of porn not always properly looking at what he was downloading. He had to go to counselling and has some description of criminal record now but served no jail time or anything.
Hes actually a fairly good friend of mine and is a decent guy who i really believe just made a stupid mistake that he will always regret.
To be fair though ive never been in a romantic relationship with him and am not sure how i would have reacted if i had been. Its more about the addiction because im 100% sure hes not attracted to kids but he was behaving incredibly stupidly because of his addiction to porn.

Nataleejah · 15/01/2017 05:46

I think there are different levels of this - ones you make with real kids, ones you view with real kids, animated ones, drawings/cartoons. I think courts go for the real high profile ones who use TOR etc as they are easier to convict (more evidence done on purpose maybe) - unfortunately it's still true that you may encounter dodgy stuff while looking for legal porn on some search engines. The porn industry, web hosts and Google need to work harder to fix the problem.

Drawings/cartoons/written stories -- however sickening, are not illegal. Plus police and prosecution have tools and expertise to see if one clicked a dodgy link by 'mistake' or been hoarding criminal material and frequenting pervy corners of internet.

Andrewofgg · 15/01/2017 12:11

There certainly are different levels for legal purposes which determine whether there is even a prosecution and what sort of sentence is passed.

But as private individuals we can all decide whether to lose all contact with the people concerned. I can understand the parents who say This is our son and we will stand by him. You see the same thing at a lower level when a man is accused of d.v. and Mum or his sister or his brother provides a bail address.

Rixera · 15/01/2017 12:29

My mum manages to love my dad still, I think she's scared to lose his attention. She was nasty to me through jealousy but always put a positive denial-fuelled spin on my dad's relationship with me. 'isnt it nice they spend quality time together!', 'isnt it nice they can talk to each other!'. As if that quality time wasn't spent on abuse.

My grandfather inspires a lot of fear in other relatives so they'd rather bicker amongst themselves than drop contact with him or actually think about what he's done.

Some of my aunts encourage the uncles to keep them happy, one of my uncles is too distant to stop the aunt, one of the uncles teams up with the aunt, and the boy cousins are 'strongly recommended' to do stuff to the girls.

But because nobody talks about it, everyone manages to persuade themselves it was only a dream/ a game/ a lie. So it just keeps on going. And these people are so kind and generous and spirited that it's totally at odds with the evil predatory view we have of abusers, so it fuels the ability to deny.

Not to mention the complexity of emotions, your love for someone isn't erased by the disgust. I love my dad so much it hurts. I also hate him and he repulses me. So to be a wife it must get so complicated for the man you love to also be so despicable.

I do feel sorry for non offending paedophiles as no one chooses their orientation, but they do have a choice to act on it- not to mention abusers aren't always paedophiles. Some aren't attracted to children, just power, or want to hurt, or myriad other reasons.

Rixera · 15/01/2017 12:31

Oh- and I used to lure paedophiles because I look even younger than I am (small and baby faced) and believed I was 'saving' other children by taking the abuse.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 15/01/2017 12:35

PaulAnka your point is well made. Knowing the identity of this particular convicted person added nothing to the general issues of this discussion.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/01/2017 13:50

So sorry to hear of your experiences, Rixera - it must be very hard. :(

Rixera · 15/01/2017 16:28

Oh it's much better now, I can't tell you how much therapy has helped :)
Also, children nowadays are growing more and more aware of what is right and wrong in that way. I've spoken to most of my generation and we are all in different stages, since we are all under the age of 24, but all those I've spoken to are recognising that what the older generations did and enabled wasn't okay and are pulling away, making changes.

It does give you a lot of insight into these dynamics, though- everyone is on some level torn but some are more able to leave than others.

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