To think you would break up with a pedophile?

[NotBanksy]

Found out recently that someone I know has been convicted for downloading child pornography. Quick Facebook search showed him still online, despite the conviction being in August. It also showed that he was still dating his current gf.
Seems that she has stayed with him through out the revelations and conviction. Even going as far to post loved up pictures with him in the pub over Christmas and the new year.
I am just horrified by the whole thing.

1. Because I have actually spent time with this monster and
2. Because her reaction feels so off to me.

So Aibu? Would you maintain a relationship with a man who was creating a collection of child porn during your relationship?

m.stokesentinel.co.uk/whitmore-man-viewed-indecent-images-of-children-because-of-personal-problems/story-30049551-detail/story.html

Wow! sorry! I completely missed the link in trying to read the debate. I thought we were talking about a different story...

I was in a similar situation once - not exactly the same but similar. I broke off the relationship when I found out, but stayed friends because I loved him very much. The whole business was horrible.

There are some seriously ducked up people in this world. A family au know still believe that their relative's six years worth of downloads up to level 4 (in police terms) was 'accidental'. It matters not that it was over a six year oeriix, there were bearly 1000 images involved, he was arrested on the same morning that several individuals who drank in the same pub as him were arrested - none of that matters because it's all about their image. His own wife allowed him back into the house with his children on conditions regarding her belief that he was having an affair prior to the conviction and they had two young children at the time.

Unfortunately some families are THAT screwed up.

"I think that you need to be cautious in naming someone a pedophile and assuming the worst without kniwing the detail. ""

The images were of children from three years of age and Cat A, so no caution needed, he's a pedophile and it's disgusting that the sentence for these offences aren't custodial.

Women manage not to veiw these images and don't 'mistakenly' have sex with underage lads, so let's not blame society.

Whilst I agree with not blaming society Women manage not to veiw these images and don't 'mistakenly' have sex with underage lads, so let's not blame society. is a load of rubbish. They do

For all anyone else knows, they might have viewed the images together.

It's possible, but it's extreeeemely unlikely.

Him lying and minimising it to his confused and in-love wife is a much more probable scenario IMO.

I know. Sorry I read an article recently about underage porn.in the 17 -18 type and because some posts were about excuses made being in that arena I got confused.

Neither of them would be my friend. Birds women can be paedophiles, not to the scale of men I don't think, but it does happen.

You would be surprised how many times this happens. And how many women get involved with guys like this and even when faced with an ultimatum, him or the kids, they choose him. It's possible he is EA or something and she is sticking by him out of fear etc?
I was friends with a guy from my teens to my mid twenties who I later found out was on the sex offenders register. I felt sick when I found out. Severed ties. But not everyone in our friendship group did, even those with kids. Amazing what people can turn a blind eye too.

Oh and having confronted him about this, he told me everything. Paedophile is the correct term for him. Several things over several years until he got caught out.

My ex had inappropriately searched things on his computer and had some pretty disgusting pictures on an encrypted/hidden file list. He also had Tor which I didn't know at the time as this was 2007 and when I was 17 but this can be used to access the dark/shadow/deep web.

At the time I had told him to seek immediate therapy or I'd never speak to him again. He promised he would but after a month he hadn't so I cut him off he also cut me off for nagging. I gave him the chance because he had said he was abused as a child by a family member and he also felt suicidal..

Since I'm sure he hasn't changed his spots, dated a 15 year old when 21 / 22 and posted a video of me online / shown to my male friends (I was 17 at the time).

Lots of people know what he did but stayed friends with him and that shocked and disgusted me.

OK yes I'd given him a chance but that was due to feeling he had a psychological problem not ignorance. When I realised he wasn't going to seek help I was out of them, suicidal or not.

But he'd even make comments in front of his male friends and they'd just respond 'that's just X for you'

I just never understood it so completely get your outrage. This guy has actually been convicted so you know he's deliberately been searching for this stuff.

I suppose she must be either insecure and feel nobody would want her (perhaps he's manipulated her to think so) or maybe she feels she's made her bed and now has to lie in it.

Either way she should've thought further than herself - those poor, poor children

I expect many are going to keep her at arms length now, especially if they have children of their own.

Paedophiles are a very hard conversation to have.

Paedophilia *

I couldn't stay no, because even if I loved the person, this is a part of them I couldn't accept.

TOR us'The OnionRign' and is also used by perfectly normal people who do not want the rest of the world to know their every move/search.

To give some perspective TOR was developed by the US Navy.

My friend works for the police assessing risk of sex offenders. Apparently we'd be very surprised at the number of wives/girlfriends supporting rapists/paedophiles during her home visits.

I wouldn't be - Our society is set up to put women and children vulnerable positions and to 'normalise' whatever whom takes the 'man-in-control's' fancy.

I agree Banty but considering the things he was looking up / pictures he had I doubt he was looking up Area 51 / disliking the government having access to his regular internet history.

Plus he admitted it. Not where he got it from but that he'd you know enjoyed the images.

I've used Tor myself Nosed at the illegal crap they sell and looked up about illuminati so know it's not just for dodgy people - sorry if I offended.

I'd dump him, he'd revolt me. But we have examples from all over the world of wonderful women sticking with their men when the men get in trouble. She's only doing what she's been normalised into.

You didt offend, Sarcasm - I just wanted to point out the origins of TOR for reasons of hypocrisy (not towards you) and that there are perfectly legitimate reasons for using it given the bully-boy tactics of certain Western countries. When it comes to pedophilia though, that's a different matter- unfortunately we still live in a society that frequently puts women and children into a vulnerable position which allows men to blur the boundaries of what is and is not acceptable - in the case of the family I know he got to return to his family after six months whilst his parents began to pay their mortgage indefinitely because, you know, it was all a mistake. Utterly sickening.

I got kicked out by my mother whilst stayed with her convicted husband. I was barely out of school. Needless to say we don't speak....

However it does seem increasingly normal. I've heard a lot of situations where it happens. Selfish, ignorant people and I hope they both get castigated for it by their peers. I've got no sympathy for her at all.

I am surprised the pub let him in at Christmas time, unless they were unaware. I would even have a quiet word with the landlord to get the offender banned from the pub concerned.

I would have nothing to do with anyone convicted of such an offence.

Sex offenders are manipulative liars. It must be difficult to admit your judgement is so off. It's easy to imagine how you'd split up with a paedophile, but much harder to imagine your DH/DP being accused/convicted of these horrible offences. I'd cut her off though.

It's beyond belief to me, I loathe the ground that sex offenders walk on. It's important to point out though that a lot of these scum have effectively groomed their partners, so that it is normalised or minimised, or they've specifically targeted vulnerable women for relationships. Makes me hate them even more.

I've twice had people I was vaguely connected to (a relative's boyfriend, and a board member of my company) be busted for pedophilia. In both cases many of the friends and l loved one stood by them and tried to make up excuses.

Otoh I was so madly in love with someone (my former boss, not someone I was involved in) that when he indecently assaulted me it took months to acknowledge what an arse he was and to stop feeling in love with him. Some people are just desperate or fucked up.

Not that it matters but dark web and deep web are different things - we all use the deep web every day (every time we check our email, or look at a Mumsnet PM, for example):

If know we use the deep web every day it's private links / non goop gable stuff but still perfectly able to access it. But Tor has a search engine where you can access all sorts.

Done quite a bit of deep web / dark web research. Was just lumping them together out of laziness.

I can see why if someone has emotionally manipulated you that you may feel you owe them loyalty.

My ex told me when I found the stuff he looked for it because I didn't sleep with him enough. Now that kind of idea gives me rage but then I just felt like I had to sleep with him to protect children.

These types are often manipulative in multiple ways