To think you would break up with a pedophile?

[NotBanksy]

Found out recently that someone I know has been convicted for downloading child pornography. Quick Facebook search showed him still online, despite the conviction being in August. It also showed that he was still dating his current gf.
Seems that she has stayed with him through out the revelations and conviction. Even going as far to post loved up pictures with him in the pub over Christmas and the new year.
I am just horrified by the whole thing.

1. Because I have actually spent time with this monster and
2. Because her reaction feels so off to me.

So Aibu? Would you maintain a relationship with a man who was creating a collection of child porn during your relationship?

m.stokesentinel.co.uk/whitmore-man-viewed-indecent-images-of-children-because-of-personal-problems/story-30049551-detail/story.html

I would have nothing to do with either of them ever again, I'd block and delete and ignore.

He's managed to keep the whole thing well hidden, people who work with him are just starting to find out!

Does anyone know why a conviction in august, wouldn't be reported on until nearly six months later?

Name changed for this.

My stepmother's ex was convicted of child abuse. She didn't leave him immediately, I think just because it happened within the context of a LOT of emotional abuse which meant I think she didn't quite know herself what was right or wrong anymore. It's easy to say 'well, of course she knew', but I think you aren't taking into account the toxic environment that men like this can create. I think she left him some time later, when she decided she couldn't live with it.

There was a huge variety from within the family as to how they responded too - of his kids (my now step-sibs), one went NC, one stayed in touch initially and later went NC, one went NC initially but made contact when he came out of prison. It's a hugely difficult and personal decision, and comes from a very painful and twisted place in a lot of cases.

Someone I used to know was found out by their girlfriend for downloading and sharing child abuse pictures and she left him. Good for her. He then got with someone else who continued the relationship through his subsequent conviction and prison sentence. Afterwards they shacked up together. I don't know how she could, knowing what he'd done.

He lost all of his previous friends, male and female, who were shocked and quite rightly want nothing more to do with him.

Sorry but I feel uncomfortable with you linking the article that names the guy, which could result in people looking this woman up online. Her partner is the criminal, her reasons for staying with him are unknown to us. She could be a victim of abuse, she could have nowhere to go. You said a quick search showed you she was still with him, what's to stop other people with bad intentions seeking her out?

She is not named in the article. I found her because he was still using Facebook despite his conviction. Dh has reported him and it's since been removed.

I linked the article because it explained the nature of his crimes.

And also if your worried about the reaction you'll get from people for dating a child sex offender, you don't

It is terrifying the amount of partners and/or family members who not only stick by abusers but defend them to great lengths as well.
Personally, the one case I've encountered she left him; professionally, you wouldn't believe the extremes of denial people will go to. It's breathtaking.
But then parents, wives, etc would rather that than believe they married/gave birth to and raised a child rapist

Yes his family must be going through hell, I know he has young nieces

It's really hard associating the man I knew with the person I'm reading about in the papers.

He's saying it's because he was feeling low, but surely that's not right. We've all been sad, we don't all develop the need to watch the abuse of children!
I'm just aghast at the whole thing.

I know she's not named, that's why I said I was uncomfortable about you posting a newspaper link and saying that his partner was simple enough to find on Facebook.

And also if your worried about the reaction you'll get from people for dating a child sex offender, you don't

And like I said, you don't know her reasons for staying with him. You've made it very clear on this thread that by quickly searching it was easy to see they are together still. You could potentially be setting this woman up for a witch hunt, yet you don't have any idea of why she stayed. Irrelevant now I guess, you said his profile was taken down.

But the info was already in the public domain before OP linked to it Paul.

In answer to your Q OP, I really don't think I could. Thankfully I've never been in such a double bind.

I'm astounded that jail sentences aren't handed out for looking at indecent images of children, when a burglar will usually get at least a 6 month sentence. Not saying burglary's OK of course, just picked that as an example.

And how is he still allowed internet access?

I was part way through my degree to become a counsellor, (which I've halted for personal reasons), but I did struggle with the idea of having unconditional positive regard (essential in counsellor/client relationship) if a client were a 'recovering' paedophile.

I personally wouldn't. But I wouldn't judge (or at least would really try to not judge!) someone who did. He's been caught and convicted and really, the man's life is over in terms of new jobs and travel (and potentially hers too by association). His relationship with her is entirely his own business as are her reasons for staying.

And terrible form for posting the link - especially with his name. I know this is public information but really, that's not ok to dig it up and post on a board as evidence. That I judge you for, not him :)

My friends MIL has lost her only child and grandchildren because she stuck by her paedophile husband 😔

I couldn't stand by something like that. Husband, family and friends included.

I also would very much judge his partner, I don't even consider myself a judgey person.

I don't see how anyone could stand by someone who has done something so despicable.

Not comparing at all but if Some women can stay with a man when they punch them In the face/rape them etc etc then I'm sure they can ignore something the they personally haven't "seen" and will listen to the bullshit lies they spill.

Scrump I can see what you mean but I stood by DD2's dad throughout a 18 month prison sentence.

Don't really want to say what it was but nothing related to sexual or abuse offences.

There's no way I would of stood by anything relating to child sexual abuse or any sexual abuse.

Someone in my family married a convicted child molester. Multiple children. But he found God (for a short while) and stopped drinking (for a short while) so woe betide anyone who doesn't want to socialize with him.

Weirdly it's the women in my family who shut down any talk of not being comfortable around him. If she's happy, it's none of our business. Even though she doesn't seem particularly happy anymore...

That's so sad Yorkie

RubbishMantra your right it was in the public domain. However, by publishing the article on a very busy forum and making it clear how easy it was to find his girlfriend, the op is potentially opening her up to abuse that she wouldn't have received otherwise. That's my problem. I don't care about this guy's name being published, he is a sex offender and deserves no protection. His partner however, well we don't know about their relationship, whether there is violence, intimidation, emotional abuse. There could be many reasons why she hasn't left him.

One of my husband's friends has a conviction for looking at images of child abuse - I have no idea of the nature/scope - when he told people he said he'd been looking at pornography which happens to include images of children. But he went to prison for it, so it must have been bad.

I can't stand the thought of speaking to him normally and ignoring this. A lot of his friends seem to behave as if it never happened. DH sees him less than before but is still in contact. He makes the point that people feel the need to 'keep an eye on him'. I don't know him very well so I have no baggage of friendship, which a lot of other people do I suppose. I have only seen him once since we found out, and it was at a funeral so I just quietly avoided him. I have no intention of him ever being allowed in my home.

I'll save my sympathy for the children being abused, thanks.

She has a choice - those little children did not.

Well put sarcasm

Stay with him? Hell no, I'd fucking kill him especially if I had children. They'd have to pry me off his corpse. Anyone who sexually assaults a child or even sees children sexually at all ought to be gutted alive.

But having said that, you don't know all the facts. Perhaps she doesn't believe he did it.

@starryillusion he told the police what they would find on his computers before they had time to check. He admitted his guilt on all counts, think that's why he didn't get a prison sentence.

YANBU.

We are nc with MIL after she stuck with the cunt convicted paedophile second husband who abused her own gc.

I'm a solicitor and have done a little child care work in the past. Seen cases where social services have become involved because dad has been found to have images on his computer. The wife/mother often stayed, although this caused enormous child protection issues. I often felt these were women with very low self esteem, little education who really could not contemplate being on their own. Better to stick with what they had.