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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want police and medical professionals to refer to my rape as rape and not sexual assault?

44 replies

myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 13:16

Aren't they two different things?

OP posts:
Original poster
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 13:17

I was raped. Raped. Yes, raped.

Don't call it something else. All of you. Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 13:19

I wouldn't even mind if they referred to my 'alleged rape'.

Bastards.

Sorry. Having a wobble at the moment.

OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 14/01/2017 13:19

I think "sexual assault" is the umbrella term, and rape is one specific type of sexual assault.

I'm so sorry you were raped myoriginal3

YANBU by the way!

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 13:21

I don't care for their umbrella term.

But thanks for replying. Smile

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 14/01/2017 13:22

Flowers You are allowed to have a wobble.

But I think they might be doing it with good intentions, thinking it will be less distressing for you. I'm sure they will say 'rape' if you tell them that is your preference.

Fruitcocktail6 · 14/01/2017 13:22

YANBU, rape is rape and should be referred to as such. i am very sorry that happened to you Flowers

BraveDancing · 14/01/2017 13:23

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's probably a term they are taught to use and maybe some other people prefer it, but you should definitely say you prefer that it is called 'rape' and they should listen to you.

RochelleGoyle · 14/01/2017 13:24

I can imagine it feels like they are minimising what happened to you but it's possible they are trying to use language they believe is sensitive. I can understand your anger entirely though. YANBU, you are entitled to wobble as much as you need to.

DJBaggySmalls · 14/01/2017 13:26

YANBU, its your choice. Flowers
I expect the word 'rape' isnt used as it upsets people.

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 13:27

I think I will tell them to use the word rape in future. I had to go through it, I have to use the word, they can at least acknowledge what happened. Angry

OP posts:
AristotlesTrousers · 14/01/2017 13:29

YANBU. It's your body, your experience, your recovery - therefore your call as far as I'm concerned! Flowers

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 13:35

I agree with Rochelle, they probably believe it to be more sensitive.

Yes, do tell them your preference, OP.

ConvincingLiar · 14/01/2017 13:37

I don't think it's intended to trivialise it, sexual assault is serious. If you take the lead, they might stop skirting around it.

lollylou2876 · 14/01/2017 13:39

Yanbu - but the officers see and hear horrific pics, videos, etc every day. So I wouldn't take it personally or offensively.

I was the same during my court case for historic abuse, and u asked how she did it eve day and went home to her kids, she said they are taught techniques to deal with it, as it is imperative that the officers remain unbiased.

I was interviewed by an officer in the room, and other was watching the video, who was new, he came out of the room in tears at the end, and went back to his original department as he could not deal it.

So whilst my heart and prayers go out to you, please spare a moment for the officers that work tirelessly, and risk their own mental health everyday to help get these vile people off our streets.

tramstray · 14/01/2017 13:47

Rape is a form of sexual assault, so technically the police are correct. Rape is the act of putting one's penis into another person's vagina, anus or mouth without consent to do so. Sexual assault comprises of a whole catalogue of offences, of which rape is but one.

It might be that they have your best interests at heart and don't realise that you would prefer to have been raped than "just" sexually assaulted. "Rape" is a much more emotive term and some victims find it hard to use the word themselves, at least in the immediate aftermath. Professionals sometimes are scared to use the term for fear of causing the victim further distress.

Tell them you want them to use the term "rape" in future, and if they persist in refusing to, ask them to explain the reasons why.

Elendon · 14/01/2017 13:49

Off the streets

Most vile people rape within the safety of their own homes. Rape is rape. I agree with you myoriginal3 Flowers

WyfOfBathe · 14/01/2017 13:55

YANBU to want them to call it "rape". but yabu to expect them to instinctively know what you want them to do. I expect that for every person like you who wants it to be called rape, there's another victim who wants it to be called sexual assault.

Sorry for what you went through Flowers

lollylou2876 · 14/01/2017 14:16

Eldon- please don't lecture me I was raped as I child I'm my own home for 11 years so I think I more than understand the Point thank you regardless of my terrible grammar and spelling, which yes I am also aware of

lollylou2876 · 14/01/2017 14:22

And after a 5 year police and court case, regularly involved with the very officers, who work in this area, I was offering the other side of the story.

My abuser got 20 years, the police are severely underfunded and overworked trying to deal with the sheer scale of Sexual crimes in this country.

whyohwhy000 · 14/01/2017 14:23

Sexual assault is a much broader term. The law defines rape very specifically. From the Sexual Offences Act 2003:

"1 Rape
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person
(B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents."

"2 Assault by penetration
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina or anus of another person (B)
with a part of his body or anything else,
(b) the penetration is sexual,
(c) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents"

"3 Sexual assault
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally touches another person (B),
(b) the touching is sexual,
(c) B does not consent to the touching, and
(d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents"

Are they using "sexual assault" on legal documents or just when speaking to you?

Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 14/01/2017 14:27

myoriginal3 just explain it to the officers next time it happens. They will not be doing it to offend you.

I'm a police officer. Police officers and lawyers often use the umbrella terms 'sexual assault' and 'serious sexual assault' as the the offences are set out in the sexual offences act 2003.

I was also taught when I was on emergency response team that you should never use the word 'rape' over the radio as your colleagues on the same channel will be at other venues dealing with other calls and members of the public will hear what is said if they are in earshot.

Elendon · 14/01/2017 15:34

lolly I wasn't lecturing you nor correcting your grammar.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/01/2017 15:37

I am so so so sorry this happened

Remember they are just doing their jobs and using a legal term - they know it's rape

I also think they see and handle such harrowing stuff every.single.day so they know - they do Flowers

Often when something awful occurs it's a minor thing that can tip us over the edge

SpartacusWoman · 14/01/2017 15:49

I'm so sorry for what you went through Flowers

Im probably clutching at straws but the onmy scenario I can if it being used was if your attacker female? Under UK law it would be sexual assault they'd be charged with, so would be the term they used. Even then it's still not ok in my opinion.

Again, I'm so sorry you were raped, Flowers

Original poster
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:10

My 'attacker' was male and I was raped by him.

OP posts:
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