My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to want police and medical professionals to refer to my rape as rape and not sexual assault?

44 replies

myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 13:16

Aren't they two different things?

OP posts:
Report
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
FeralBeryl · 14/01/2017 18:10

I am sorry this happened to you. I am sorry you were raped. Flowers
I agree that the authorities are probably encouraged to use an 'umbrella term' This doesn't mean it's acceptable - and certainly not once you have told them the alternative is triggering for you. Could you ask for a different officer to be your liaison person?

Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 17:10

Willma, I'm also so sorry for what happened.

OP posts:
Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 17:07

Willma, you have managed to explain why so eloquently.

OP posts:
Report
wiilma · 14/01/2017 16:53

You are not being unreasonable. You were raped and people should call it what it is, although I realise why many don't.

The day I saw "Willma was raped twice by xxxxx" in an official document, the sense of relief was strange but intense. Finally someone other than me was naming it. I wanted to scream from the rooftops "he raped me" and the world to stop and understand my world had shattered but nobody would even speak it aloud, acknowledge what he had done to me. So no, you are not being unreasonable.

Report
BabychamSocialist · 14/01/2017 16:49

YABU but that's fine in the situation.

I believe the reason they use "sexual assault" is as a catch-all and so as not to offend somebody who has been assaulted but not raped, if you see what I mean. You have been raped, and obviously you want to call it that, but the police would rather just not risk offence. Flowers

Report
TinselTwins · 14/01/2017 16:42

It's not two different things. Rape is a serious sexual assault. Serious sexual assaults include rape under their umbrella.

They're not calling it something it's not, or not calling it what it is.

But YANBU if you have told them you prefer the word rape, they should use your language xx

Report
SarcasmMode · 14/01/2017 16:36

Term not germ.

Report
SarcasmMode · 14/01/2017 16:36

No but I was stating that in case you thought they were being insensitive.

Without telling them that you do indeed prefer to call it by its correct germ and not use a broader/softer term.

Many women really can't stand to hear it as don't like to see themselves as victims.

Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:33

I never said the police were trying to upset me.

OP posts:
Report
SarcasmMode · 14/01/2017 16:30

I think they were saying it because many can't bare to hear they have been raped.

I've read quite a few threads that ask not to use the R word so maybe they thought it would be better to not say it?

I'm so sorry you were raped but the police aren't trying to upset you.

Report
Lambzig · 14/01/2017 16:26

An ISVA (independent sexual violence advisor) isn't a policemen or a counsellor. They are completely independent from the police and are there to advise and support the survivor through reporting to the police, and what happens after, up to and including a court case. A lot of rape crisis centres have them, but in some areas they work in separate units or sexual violence units. if the police haven't put you in touch with one and you think it might be helpful try calling rape crisis.

Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:23

Ye well 'sexual assault' happens to be a trigger for me. I was raped. I was raped. Don't call it something else.

OP posts:
Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:20

I have some sort of police officer assigned to me but I don't know what his title is and I keep missing his phone calls and he is never answering his phone.

OP posts:
Report
ManonLescaut · 14/01/2017 16:18

The term the police usually use for rape is 'serious sexual assault' - then they shorten it.

Rape is a trigger word, you may prefer it but some prefer it not to be used.

Report
Lambzig · 14/01/2017 16:17

Then they are being very insensitive. You might have to blunt and you shouldn't have to.

Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:17

Is that explicit enough?

OP posts:
Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:16

By raped, I mean he jumped on me and forced his dick inside me. Rape.

OP posts:
Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:13

I always refer to it as rape and they all (medical and police), persist in referring to the 'assault'.

OP posts:
Report
Lambzig · 14/01/2017 16:11

Do you have an ISVA who could help with this OP?

I work with rape crisis and we are trained not to use the word rape until the survivor uses it and to use her words. They may want to take the lead from you perhaps. You are quite right though, you definitely have the right to have it called rape if that is your preference.

Report
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 16:10

My 'attacker' was male and I was raped by him.

OP posts:
Report
SpartacusWoman · 14/01/2017 15:49

I'm so sorry for what you went through Flowers


Im probably clutching at straws but the onmy scenario I can if it being used was if your attacker female? Under UK law it would be sexual assault they'd be charged with, so would be the term they used. Even then it's still not ok in my opinion.

Again, I'm so sorry you were raped, Flowers

Report
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/01/2017 15:37

I am so so so sorry this happened

Remember they are just doing their jobs and using a legal term - they know it's rape

I also think they see and handle such harrowing stuff every.single.day so they know - they do Flowers

Often when something awful occurs it's a minor thing that can tip us over the edge

Report
Elendon · 14/01/2017 15:34

lolly I wasn't lecturing you nor correcting your grammar.

Report
Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 14/01/2017 14:27

myoriginal3 just explain it to the officers next time it happens. They will not be doing it to offend you.

I'm a police officer. Police officers and lawyers often use the umbrella terms 'sexual assault' and 'serious sexual assault' as the the offences are set out in the sexual offences act 2003.

I was also taught when I was on emergency response team that you should never use the word 'rape' over the radio as your colleagues on the same channel will be at other venues dealing with other calls and members of the public will hear what is said if they are in earshot.

Report
whyohwhy000 · 14/01/2017 14:23

Sexual assault is a much broader term. The law defines rape very specifically. From the Sexual Offences Act 2003:

"1 Rape
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person
(B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents."

"2 Assault by penetration
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina or anus of another person (B)
with a part of his body or anything else,
(b) the penetration is sexual,
(c) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents"

"3 Sexual assault
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally touches another person (B),
(b) the touching is sexual,
(c) B does not consent to the touching, and
(d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents"

Are they using "sexual assault" on legal documents or just when speaking to you?

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.