My experience of UK men vs European men early stages of a relationship

[lottieandmia]

I'm probably going to annoy some people with this post but it's just my experience and I wonder if anyone else has noticed the same.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that it is British guys usually whi seem to be the masters of dicking women around in the early stages of a relationship. They are the ones who don't know how they feel, say one thing and do another. You feel like you have to pin them down to state their feelings and they're still on Tinder/POF or whatever.

By contrast the European men were very up front about their feelings from the outset (I've found). This does NOT mean they are perfect - I've had a different set if problems with them that's all. But if they like you it's as straight forward as 'I like you, you like me - let's be together'.

For this reason I've had few relationships with UK guys, except my ex husband and even he was the same - messing me about stressing me for about 6 months. Then finally deciding he could say he really wanted to be with me.

I'm sure some people will think I'm unreasonable for a variety of reasons. Yes it's a generalisation just like Brits binge drink etc.

I am American and have a British husband. I will say that the difference between dating American and British men is that in North America (including Canada in this too), dating is more intentional (unless you're in college and at a frat party - that's a whole other issue). You might be dating several people at once (dating, not sleeping with) and it's assumed that if you continue asking someone out that you like them and the relationship is progressing. Eventually you have the exclusivity talk. There's a lot of direct discussion early on about what you're looking for. (I once went on date with an American guy who pursued me for a while. When I tried to go slow with the physical aspect of the relationship he very frankly said "If you are looking for a long term relationship, I'm not the guy for you," letting me know that he was interested in friends with benefits only. That was the last time I saw him.) You could date one man for a few months, then another, and on and on before ever having a "boyfriend".

In contrast, with my husband's friends there seems to be a lot of serial monogamy. For example, I would never call dating someone for two months in my mid-20s a boyfriend, but my husband has an ex he dated for that amount of time. Of his friends that are single they seem to go very quickly from meeting someone to suddenly being in a relationship. Then a few months or a year later the relationship is over and they have another partner after only a short amount of time has passed. Although the attitude in his set of friends seems to be that it's better to be in a mediocre relationship than single, so maybe this is not the norm.

To throw another country into the mix I once dated a Kiwi who on the surface dated in the American style. But then revealed after four months that despite continuing to ask me on more and more dates, he was doing the same thing with several other women and had no intention to have a relationship with any of us. I made a mistake of assuming that if someone wasn't interested, they'd stop asking you out on dates. Apparently not!

It sounds like the cultural change that Polly mentioned is just us doing more American-style dating as described in the last post ( by the way you can pick a real name so I can quote you more nicely ) rather than the older UK-style getting drunk with people you know then calling the one you snogged your boyfriend.

I agree Polly - it's older people as well as younger people. Do you think this is just in the uk though or worldwide?

I expect it is the same in all the developed world. Perhaps in the developing countries family and societal structures are different and come with different expectations and needs.