My experience of UK men vs European men early stages of a relationship

[lottieandmia]

I'm probably going to annoy some people with this post but it's just my experience and I wonder if anyone else has noticed the same.

The other day I was thinking about the fact that it is British guys usually whi seem to be the masters of dicking women around in the early stages of a relationship. They are the ones who don't know how they feel, say one thing and do another. You feel like you have to pin them down to state their feelings and they're still on Tinder/POF or whatever.

By contrast the European men were very up front about their feelings from the outset (I've found). This does NOT mean they are perfect - I've had a different set if problems with them that's all. But if they like you it's as straight forward as 'I like you, you like me - let's be together'.

For this reason I've had few relationships with UK guys, except my ex husband and even he was the same - messing me about stressing me for about 6 months. Then finally deciding he could say he really wanted to be with me.

I'm sure some people will think I'm unreasonable for a variety of reasons. Yes it's a generalisation just like Brits binge drink etc.

Massive sweeping generalisation.

I'm dating a British man I met on Tinder, and after our second date he told me he liked me, I said I liked him and had no intention of seeing anyone else, he said he didn't either, and that was that.

I don't think it's a British vs European thing, I think it's a wanker vs emotionally intelligent human being thing.

They don't do frank conversation because their avoidance of conflict, most, and in particular women, will put up with crap because they don't like confrontatio

I agree. My husband is quite open and frank. I suspect a lot of that is because he simply reciprocates my openness? And because he really likes honesty.

But the rest of his family and most British people I've met are really the opposite of blunt. And they seem to dislike confrontation very much.

But they're also really friendly and open. I mean, not when talking about conflictsmnut just when making smalltalk and talking about their lives etc. Or when meeting their friends new girlfriend (me. Well nowadays wife, but anyhow), That's something I really enjoy. :)

And anyhow, these sweeping generalizations are a bit useless. Different cultures. You maynjust get along better with one culture than the other dating wise.
Or at least with the men from that culture you happened to have dated.

And anyhow, it always depends on the individual.

this differs than a lot of English men when I read the Relationships board where frank communication and stating your needs is so common sorry, I mean to say where it isn't so common!

English or British?

I hate any kind of prejudice but I think it's simply disingenuous not to acknowledge that there are certain generalisations that do apply to different cultures. In the UK it is ok to go out and get drunk - really drunk or to drunk wine every night of the week and to get away with it without people suggesting you need intervention. In Canada, for example this would not be the case.

I've lived in both France and Spain, and while I've only dated a few and can hardly generalise for the whole nations p, I didn't find them any amazingly better than UK men. I've been messed around over there too! It also seemed quite normal for a married man to cheat (or try to!). I had a lovely, intelligent boyfriend who was studying at The Sorbonne and all was going well until he started a conversation about how he felt women working was the main cause of unemployment in Europe! I've also met wonderful, straight up, honest British men. You can't really sum them up in one type per nationality!

If you had said British men vs French men or British men vs Greek men I'd think you might have a point.

"European" is just far too variable to say that you can draw any conclusions.

People are being pretty unnecessarily cuntish towards the op here. Suggesting she changes her name because she's made a tit out of herself by asking this? Ffs calm down

I agree, I think it's an interesting discussion and if generalisations are made they can be discussed or disputed without nastiness one would hope.

As a woman of colour, I've found that some white European men are more interested in me because they want to add 'shag a pretty brown indian girl' off their bucket list, than actually for me. Also there's this reputation that British woc are more up for it than our European counterparts to date white men. No need for generalisations though as I'm sure lots of pretty white blondes have been approached by non-European men in similar ways too.

In the interests of generalisations:

Swiss: say "panties", surprisingly into tits
Germans: like dirty talk
Italians: a bit quick
Spanish: good but unadventurous
Russians: crap, sorry
Dutch: refreshingly filthy
Greeks: obsessed with the oxo tower; exhibitionist
Turks: weirdly porny
Belgians: grateful

Lottie I've lived in several places in the North of Canada and it definitely is acceptable in the places we've lived. That said we have lived in places which are the stereotypically rough mining towns, quite eye opening

Dailyfail yes, I lived in the Middle East for a while and that was certainly the case for some men.

I can't comment as far as personal experience goes because I've only dated Irish men.

Some Irish men are lovely, some are dicks and I'm sure the very same applies to every other man (and human in general) regardless of their nationality - Some will be nice and some will be dicks.

A few random thoughts (I've lived in several European countries and moved to the UK to be with my awesome British DH 😁).

There are arseholes in every country. If you're being messed around, they're being flaky etc, they're 'just not that into you' so stop overanalysing it and move on.

The grass is always greener - to a British woman, British guys will be meh and boring. The same men will be a lot more interesting to a non-Brit due to the cultural differences. This obvs works both ways. A blonde Scandinavian dude is nothing special to Scandinavian ladies, but he would be a lot more exotic in southern Europe, for instance.

Language difference - with at least one party speaking in their non-native language, it's maybe easier to use shorter, more precise expressions (which come across as more direct expressions of love/interest etc). Therefore, less waffling and more direct declarations?

But all in all, I think it just boils down to arseholes versus decent people 😎

@Darkdeeds

Panties? Really? as somebody that grew up in Switzerland I must say I was quite interested in this characterisation.

I've dater people from European and non-European countries, sure, different cultures yadi yada. But they were all individuals.

And expect for one person they were all really lovely and awesome individuals

"you only have to look at the Facebook profile of girls in the 18-23ish"

My experience of similar aged boys online profiles (nephews, etc) is they are every just as concerned with peer judgement. There is a temptation to think this is a girl thing, but that, in my opinion, is long gone. Sadly, this is an issue for both boys and girls in the modern age.

In the UK it is ok to go out and get drunk
It is very much OK in Denmark, too! Drunkenness and excessive alcohol consumption are public health problems in much of Northern and Eastern Europe (another sweeping generalisation )

MN - yes but the issues women face are dictated by our biology. And by the fact that we have babies - we're necessarily more vulnerable. Men don't. Men don't get pressured to send nude photos. The pressure to look good is a separate issue imo.

'The grass is always greener - to a British woman, British guys will be meh and boring. The same men will be a lot more interesting to a non-Brit due to the cultural differences. This obvs works both ways. A blonde Scandinavian dude is nothing special to Scandinavian ladies, but he would be a lot more exotic in southern Europe, for instance.'

I think you have a point here. However, the mere fact that you think if a person is being flakey and messing you about you should just realise they are not into you, rather than acknowledging that it's shitty behaviour shows that this type of behaviour is now a very prevalent part of UK culture. As I said, in the uk nobody is subject to the kind of pressure to settle down and keep family central that they are in, say Italy. Add to that the fact that in the UK more and more people are living at home with parents for longer into their late 20s and even 30s.

The men I've had the misfortune to come across who exhibit this shabby behaviour never settle down. They upset lots of people, get older and older and never find 'the one' because it's something wrong with them. They are eternal members of dating sites for years and years and years.

However, the mere fact that you think if a person is being flakey and messing you about you should just realise they are not into you, rather than acknowledging that it's shitty behaviour shows that this type of behaviour is now a very prevalent part of UK culture.

I think you misunderstood me a bit. I certainly classified being flakey etc under arsehole behaviour. Whether this is particularly prevalent in the UK at the moment compared to other countries I can't judge - I was just saying that I think this type of behaviour will happen in any country.

The 'not into you' isn't a positive comment; I meant that if they are showing by their shitty behaviour that they are not interested, there's no point wasting time on that person (and to be fair, it's a good thing to realise they're crap at this early point).

All I'm saying is don't write off all British guys and don't think non-British guys are all wonderful.

I understand. Gosh, no - I would never write off all British men - of course not. I don't think all non British guys are wonderful either. But the bit I find particularly infuriating is the initial dating when the other person isn't clear. And I feel that a lot of British men seem to feel that they are entitled to mess people around and that it's a lifestyle choice.

I've had a relationship with an Italian who was open and honest about his feelings early on. Then later I had a terrible time with him because I had to leave the relationship as he was an addict. So we weren't a match made in heaven by any means...

My opinion of British men - prepare for sweeping generalisation - is that they are a bit immature and lack confidence. They also seem lacking in sort of physical hairy lumberjack beefiness. Haha! Skinny and pale, gym-obsessed Ken doll or chubby and womanly just doesn't cut it for me. Even our British 'sex symbol' celebrities fall into these categories. Maybe it's our diet and lack of sun. Based on short term dating experience. My main relationships have been with American and Dutch guys.

Agree with Lottie that the grass is always greener though. And to gear more towards your question OP, Americans certainly seem less scared of the marriage thing. I know many who are married in their early 20s...(and on their second or third by the time their 35-40)...

It just seems to me that in the last 15 years or so attitudes have changed for the worse in the UK about relationships. It may be that women are like this as well but I wouldn't know that because I don't date women. It's as if having a relationship with someone is this massive 'thing' that people can't bring themselves to commit to on any level. When I was 16 it just wasn't like this. I don't think online dating is solely to blame either. People just seem to feel more and more that it's ok to treat others like disposable crap.

I think commitment and dating have gone to pot quite a lot and it isn't at all like 30 years ago when people would make more of a commitment more quickly. There is a general relucantance for both genders to get involved much on any level apart from a few exceptions. Perhaps the internet is partly to blame but it is also a feature of a cultural change somehow. I don't think it is an age thing either so applies to all generations. Weird.