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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to do this?

46 replies

CodyAndTheCups · 13/01/2017 17:52

I am supposed to be in court on Monday as a witness. I was in yesterday aswell. We sat in the witness room from 9-12 then we were told that the case was adjourned. My parents watched my ds (22 months) yesterday (both dp and I were witnesses, he had to to take a days leave).
My parents aren't able to watch ds on Monday my dps mum is in hospital. I don't have any friends available to watch him, and I really don't want to put him with a childminder or daycare etc. He's never been in one before and to just dump him at one on Monday will upset him, I doubt I would even get a place anywhere at such short notice anyway. My ds doesn't speak at all and I really don't want to leave him with people he doesn't know, especially because he can't talk. Aibu?

OP posts:
Kathsmum · 13/01/2017 17:54

I don't have a solution sorry but is there a number you could ring to ask advice? I can't believe you're the first person with this problem

LoupGarou · 13/01/2017 17:55

YANBU, I would feel the same but I highly doubt you will get the choice to be let off. Have you spoken to the court?

MissyMoooo · 13/01/2017 18:28

The court won't let you off they will pay for childcare. It doesn't matter that you don't want to leave your dc - they don't give a damn 😞

Original poster
CodyAndTheCups · 13/01/2017 21:41

I won't leave him anywhere he doesn't know, I will put him into day care when I feel he is ready, they will just need to send a bounty out for me lol. Thanks for all the replies xx

OP posts:
user1484226561 · 13/01/2017 21:44

Take him with you? YOu won't both be in court at the same time, will you? It will be one then the other.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/01/2017 22:27

I'm pretty sure you can be arrested if you refuse to testify.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/01/2017 22:28

I'll let you google the results of being held in contempt of court and how hard it might be to get care for your son then Hmm

To refuse to do this?
ilovesooty · 13/01/2017 22:46

Agree with pp - refusing to attend court is simply not an option.

WhisperingLoudly · 13/01/2017 22:53

The court can issue a warrant for your arrest if you fail to attend.

Separately, in the vast majority of cases you have a moral obligation to attend.

Take your son with you to the court, you and your DH don't both need to be sat in the witness room all day. I'm sure you can find ways to entertain him and when one of you is giving evidence the other will he with your DS

DontGoRhiannonStay · 13/01/2017 22:58

You do have to stay in the witness room all day, their are toilets, and water/food available in the room so you don't have to leave. The room is stifling hot with no fresh air circulating and the lights are far to bright and headache inducing. no way would I take him.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/01/2017 22:59

You have to go it you receive a citations as a witness. I had to give evidence in an assault case as a teenager and no allowances were made for my exams, my parents work schedule (under 16) etc. You need a solution. Cases can't hinge on every single witness' personal life.

OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 23:03

Hire a babysitter to come to your house. I'm sure you know someone who would do it for £. If not use an agency. You really can't just not turn up to court.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 13/01/2017 23:03

Attend with your child, I would just tell them you're not leaving him with anyone. They will have to work around it. Does it say "no children allowed " on the door? Why go out of your way for the court, are they paying your expenses and loss of earnings for the duration of the trial?

MLGs · 13/01/2017 23:06

I agree with take him with you and each of you watch him while the other is in court.

MLGs · 13/01/2017 23:08

Children aren't allowed in the actual court room except babes in arms.

But they are allowed in the building. Witnesses are usually in a witness room rather than in the general public areas.

BackforGood · 13/01/2017 23:08

Don't court cases generally take quite a while to come to court?
Did you not think about starting to leave him with folks for an hour here and there to get yourself used to the idea?
I'd far rather let a childminder or nursey care for my dc than take them to court rooms.

The courts in my city used to have some childcare provision there - Have you thought of asking the courts? It must happen all the time.

Agiraffeisnotacat · 13/01/2017 23:16

You have a moral obligation to go, as well as a legal one. You and DP will not be in the court at the same time so you can take it in turns. Court will pay your travel expenses and loss of earnings if you lose pay.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/01/2017 23:21

BackforGood Useful comment... Hmm

In any case, if you haven't been involved in anything like this before you might not realise how things go. When I was a witness my parents were pretty surprised at the way it went to begin with. By the time there was a month deferral after the initial court date the rearranged one they realised that it can be chaos. As a juror arranging care is pretty easy, as a witness it's a bloody nightmare.

WhisperingLoudly · 13/01/2017 23:25

I've never been in a court where witnesses are compelled to stay in the witness room and I've been in a lot of courts.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 13/01/2017 23:25

Op give them a call! I know from jury service they want things to run smoothly, and they may have ideas.

Redglitter · 13/01/2017 23:25

Attending court isn't optional. You can't just say you're not going because it doesn't suit you. If you decide not to show up be prepared to have the police turn up at your door.

Earlgreywithmilk · 13/01/2017 23:26

What if you said you had a breadtfeeding baby, what would they do then? Or if you contract a sickness bug (that lasts as long as the trial)? I think that's what I would do!

PatriciaHolm · 13/01/2017 23:29

Did you talk to the court about this today?

Just not turning up isn't really an option. It could have serious legal repercussions for you.

Verbena37 · 13/01/2017 23:29

I really feel for you....it's hard to leave a little one with strangers.
However, even though your DS can't talk, it doesn't mean you can't leave him with a nursery or day care provider. If you go to a good nanny agency, you should find someone suitable who can come and meet your DS and play with him whilst you're there to get to know him. If it's only for a couple of days, he won't be mentally scarred or traumatised I'm pretty certain.

I know it's a worry but unless you call the court and ask if they have a solution, I'm not sure you have any other child care option.
A childminder might be better than a nanny.....ousted inspected and all geared up at their home to entertain little ones....and possibility of other babies and children there to distract him.

ShatnersBassoon · 13/01/2017 23:31

This isn't something you need to find a way out of. You need to come up with a solution.

Do you think your arrest for a no-show will be less damaging to your child than a day with a childminder?