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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friends could have what we have, if they stopped being so reckless

80 replies

Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 13/01/2017 12:17

My married friends earn a huge amount of money between them. One alone earns our combined wage when I was working. Their childcare costs are paid by family. Their substantial house deposit came from family. Their 2015 car is on finance and they never go on holiday.

I drive an old banger, live in a tiny flat which needs redecorating, I need new furniture etc, I don't get my hair cut or nails done, clothes from ebay etc but we do take short breaks in the UK in cheap caravans.

Friends constantly josh us about being "rich" and "lucky" because I don't work and are still able to go on holiday/have days out (it wasn't cost effective for me to return to work and we don't get any help ie tax credits etc). I often get jokey messages about what amazing lunch I'm eating that day during my lady of leisure time (it's egg on toast! Ha!) To keep costs down I cook a lot of cheap meals from scratch, don't get microwave things and try and bulk up with veg. They get take aways most nights. Their new cordless Hoover cost what our week away cost. If fact it probably cost the same as our car Blush!

They could have one parent at home and holidays if they were willing to budget and sort themselves out. Just because we go without luxuries doesn't make us rich. They wouldn't want "what we have" I'm sure, because my car hasn't got a radio let alone heated seats! Grin

I like these guys but their assumption that our lifestyle is unattainable is ridiculous. They just done want to go without. Give me some come backs mumsnet!

OP posts:
LoupGarou · 13/01/2017 12:19

Perhaps they are happy the way they are and don't want to live the way you do. Horses for courses and all that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/01/2017 12:19

"We all make different choices, e.g. we never holiday abroad whereas you had that wonderful week in xxx. We all have different priorities".

Tywinlannister · 13/01/2017 12:20

Agreed. I've got a mate who moans about having no money when he's spending it all on down the pub playing darts and on computer games. Some people don't know when theyre up.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 13/01/2017 12:24

Just smile and say "Not lucky at all, it's all about priorities isn't it?".

Original poster
Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 13/01/2017 12:24

No, they distinctly want to live like we do. But only the sahp part! They mention it all the time and comment on how we do it. They wouldn't want to actually give up their brand new tv every year though! 😂 The stuff the spend money on is hilarious! Always gadgets!

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 13/01/2017 12:24

Agree - depends what your priorities are when it comes to spending money. we live overseas and could afford to go out several times per week to eat, but I would rather cook and spend the money on a holiday. Other expats mention how 'lucky' we are - but seem to forget that dining out and cocktails every Friday and Saturday eats up a fair chunk of cash.

Gutted2016 · 13/01/2017 12:27

The ones with the most disposable incomes are always the ones that complain they are skint!

Lonoxo · 13/01/2017 12:28

Different choices. Are you really bothered about their choices or more about the joking (banter/snide remarks)? Maybe you should start joking about all that extra housework they can do with their new hoover?

wifework · 13/01/2017 12:30

Just take the piss back about their gadgets and luxury ready meals. You could be really parsimonious and say '4 iphones = a week in spain' or something.

Original poster
Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 13/01/2017 12:34

It does gets tiresome to see them sometimes and come up against the same snide remarks about us being rich - always made in a jokey way - when we are sitting at their dining table surrounded by seriously expensive (and mostly useless) new stuff!

When I say anything it's justified with "oh but I'd wanted that for ages" or "but that was a belated gift to myself", "it'll pay for itself in 29 years!" 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 13/01/2017 12:36

I like that one wifework. I do find myself justifying how I budget rather than putting it back on them and their spending.

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 13/01/2017 12:36

What is it that is annoying about the friends? Is it their jokey assumptions?

specialsubject · 13/01/2017 12:37

a good financial position is not a matter of luck (except of course for us landlords who get given our houses free. It must be right, MN says so...)

tell them to be less boring and find something else to talk about. The 'joshing' sounds like the playground emotion of jealousy from people too dumb to manage money.

longdiling · 13/01/2017 12:38

Are they not joking? Assuming they've seen your car and house? It doesn't sound like a great friendship to me if they're not; all of you judging away and making snipey little comments. Life is too short for that crap.

TheViceOfReason · 13/01/2017 12:38

So do it back to them - "i wish i had a new car" "i wish i had heated seats" "i wish i had x" "must be great to be able to afford a new car" " must be great to be able to afford y"

mickeyjohn · 13/01/2017 12:41

I hear ya. Our telly is 15 years old, no Sky, our cars are both 53 reg, we don't drink or get takeaways, go to the cinema, out for meals etc & really crappy iPad & laptop. This means we can go on amazing holidays each year - people say 'oooo how fancy' & so on, but it's not - it's just what you decide to spend your money on. Ignore them!!!

SillySongsWithLarry · 13/01/2017 12:41

I have people say often that they wish they could afford their own home like me, but then say they wouldn't live in a flat, or on a main road, or right in the centre of town - all of which is right where I live.

EssentialHummus · 13/01/2017 12:44

I'd either go with ""We all make different choices" or "Yes, I'm really happy that we've been able to make this work." And don't be drawn further. If they want to be jealous, that's their look-out.

Original poster
Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 13/01/2017 12:46

I've actually seen less and less of them recently longdiling because it's so tiresome. Since we had kids they've become very competitive to be honest. I don't actually wish I had any of those things though, vice, I just want them to shutup about it! 😂 the only thing I do want is a new sofa (which I've saved up for ages for and am finallly getting next month!)

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 13/01/2017 12:47

Different people, different priorities.

I had a very wealthy NCT group (we struggled to afford the fees, but didn't know anyone in the area) - one was the heiress to a household name business that has its headquarters nearby. I hit a lot of the "you're so lucky" attitude when they went back to work full time after 4 months and I went back p/t after a year. I prefer the time, and our lifestyle is arranged around that. Other people prefer the money.

krustykittens · 13/01/2017 12:49

I actually dropped a friend over this. They actually earned more than myself and DP yet she constantly sniped at me if I spent money, "treating yourself again?" and went on about what we choose to spend money on, telling us we were wasting it, we were indulgent etc etc. Yet they had debts a huge mortgage and constantly whined about being skint and how "it was all right for us. " It was all right for us because we weren't spending more than our income every month on new clothes, eating out, booze and four holidays a year! People can spend their money on what they like yet when you constantly make out you are skint while living like its the last days of Rome while making very nasty remarks to other people who are financially solvent, you need to fuck right off. I have a few boundaries with friends and making comments about how I choose to live or spend my money is one of those things that will get you shown the door, I won't waste my time thinking of comebacks. If I owe you money and I am not paying it back, THEN you can criticise! Until then, shut the fuck up.

longdiling · 13/01/2017 12:49

I wouldn't see them at all. You think they're reckless and snigger at how they spend their money. They think you're loaded and Swan around being a lady that lunches. None of you actually like each other. What a waste of precious leisure time.

BurningBridges · 13/01/2017 12:51

are they trying to be nasty? Why keep seeing them? I recently chose an expensive holiday in the USA it was a big deal. Everyone went on about they couldn't afford it as they "never have the money". Exactly the same issue - I chose to spend all my money on that holiday.

Even though we are skint now, I'm not complaining as it was a free choice - I think its spectacularly crass that not only do they not respect your choices, they don't even seem to respect their own!!

MmmCuriouSir · 13/01/2017 12:52

Sounds like you need new friends, not tips to deal with the way they interact with you.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 13/01/2017 12:53

My sister does this allll the time! Her DH earns more than mine (she told me his salary unprompted) and she works ft as a deputy head. So they easily earn more than 2x our household income. Yet she constantly makes digs that it's 'alright for us being able to afford a sahp' and how she would love to give up work but they can't afford it.
Erm, yes you could! You just don't want the reality of living as frugally as we do!!