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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police and report my cousins DH?

117 replies

Badger84 · 13/01/2017 11:41

More of a WWYD? My cousin married a bloke that had previously been in prison. None of our family know why he was in prison as apparently he doesn't want to discuss his past Confused Now I'm not an expert on the law but it must have been something pretty bad as when he was released he was made to live in accommodation which had a warden and he had to have a curfew each night. He know lives with my cousin in a council flat.

They've had a baby together, neither of them work but they always seem to have really nice things - two cars, massive tv, brand new corner sofa, latest phones, all baby gear is expensive stuff.

He's not a nice bloke generally. Always fighting in town, the way he speaks to my aunty and uncle is vile.

I was told the other day that he is a drug dealer and that the reason why this person knows is because she lives opposite the house where he goes to do his "dealings". He is in and out within 5 mins and apparently this is the house where all the local junkies go to get their gear. At first I thought maybe he was just buying the drugs but now looking at their lifestyle I'm not so sure.

Part of me wants to ring the police and shop him, part of me thinks he's got a baby and that's not fair. So MN - WWYD?

OP posts:
BrianCantsPants · 13/01/2017 14:48

I wouldn't speak to your cousin OP as if she is as infatuated with this bloke as you say, she is highly likely to go straight to him with your accusations and this could result in either you or your cousin (or the baby) being put in danger. People with nothing to lose are very dangerous.
Even if he isn't dealing, the fact that you have sullied him to her in his eyes could make your future relationship with them shaky to say the least. She won't thank you, she won't leave him and you will probably not get to keep as close an eye on her and the baby as you can now.
Report anonymously and be normal with them. HTH.

Badger84 · 13/01/2017 14:48

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PyongyangKipperbang · 13/01/2017 14:49

Google his name and "Sentenced" "Charged" "Bail"

Thats how I found out what someone I know had been to prison for, I am sure some people would disapprove but frankly I wanted to know exactly what he was capable of. Turned out to be a major theft that put hundreds of lives at risk.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 13/01/2017 14:50

You are deluded if you think you can 'shop' him. Hearing a rumour that he is a drug dealer isn't enough. It is highly likely that the police already know who the dealers are on their patch. A phone call from someone saying X is dealing will lead to nothing.

Absolutely this.

kierenthecommunity · 13/01/2017 14:58

*You are deluded if you think you can 'shop' him. Hearing a rumour that he is a drug dealer isn't enough. It is highly likely that the police already know who the dealers are on their patch. A phone call from someone saying X is dealing will lead to nothing.

Absolutely this.*

absolutely not this. if the police were considering going to court for a search warrant, the more info the better, even if it is anonymous/vague. one piece of info by itself, no but if there are several it helps show a pattern. the burden of proof to get a warrant is less than proving a crime, and then the warrant may then lead to crimes being detected

kierenthecommunity · 13/01/2017 14:59

and i thought i knew how to bold stuff Wink

Pollyanna9 · 13/01/2017 14:59

Don't phone. You can report anonymously through Crimestoppers.

Just report and see if anything gets done but say nothing to your cousin.

YorkiesGlasses · 13/01/2017 15:25

You should report it because he has a baby. Do it for the child if you won't do it for your cousin.

They won't throw him in prison, they'll investigate and see if there's a case.

princessmouldilocks · 13/01/2017 15:31

Do not talk to your cousin about it,unless she mentions it to you asking for help. Keep an eye on her and more importantly the baby. Ring anon, crime stoppers and unfortunately ss. Even a tiny amount of accidentally left out could harm or even kill the child. This may not be true of your cousin but sometimes these vile people use these drugs to control children. Please report, if nothing is wrong then it's an honest well intended mistake on your part. Stay strong and good luck Flowers

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 13/01/2017 15:44

kieran how do you know it works like that? I only ask because I tried to tell the police about a group who I knew for a fact was dealing to my younger brother; I was basically told that, while they knew these people were dealing drugs, they couldn't arrest them due to other ongoing cases/lack of evidence. It was all a bit complicated but that was the gist and it totally knocked my faith in our justice system to be honest.

OP, I hope you find a way to help your cousin and baby.

SnatchedPencil · 13/01/2017 15:50

If you've got evidence then go to the police. But you can't just rely on another person's word - they will need to speak to the police too.

RubbishMantra · 13/01/2017 15:52

I agree with what Kieren posted. Police don't raid on the strength of one report, but use it along with other reports to give weight to a search warrant application from the courts.

You describe the people visiting the house as "local junkies", OP. Presumably not just occasional weed smokers then? If that's the case, it's highly unlikely he's going round there to score. More likely he drops the gear off to them to sell, and collect cash from the previous lot.

I'd anonymously report, to your local station from a telephone box like a PP did. Ensure you tell them there's a child in the house so they ensure to bring a female officer.

If you decide to go that route, don't express your concerns to anyone else, especially not your cousin.

ChasingAPinkBall · 13/01/2017 16:16

My next door neighbour had different people coming to their door frequently, they'd go inside for 5 mins then leave.
Someone on the street reported them and the police did indeed come and search the house. Turns out theyre not drug dealers but loan sharks Confused

Birdsgottafly · 13/01/2017 16:41

If you reported it were I live, they at least put him on a routine 'stop and search' and generally keep an eye out for the reg and his name would be 'noted'.

They don't have to pick him up with drugs on him, his graft phone is enough and then his standard of living.

OP, what type of house do they live in, just consider the possibility of your cousin being evicted and of course a change in benefits, so hardship. Also the school starting safeguarding procedures.

Just so you can be prepared.

Birdsgottafly · 13/01/2017 16:46

""Ensure you tell them there's a child in the house so they ensure to bring a female officer.""

They don't need a female officer, they'll inform Children's Services, who'll have someone attend, usually at least one SW.

But there isn't the evidence to raid the family home.

lilybetsy · 13/01/2017 17:07

I would report definitely. Nothing may happen, but if more people have done the same thing, something may. I would report anonymously.

magoria · 13/01/2017 17:21

Do you actually know if he has been in and out of this house OP?

Who is this person who has told you? Do they have a grudge against him? If he is only in this place for 5 minutes I can't see that he would be selling much (not that I really know).

Many people who don't work have all the things you mention. It is not proof of anything now days.

I would be really sure before you report him. Are you going to say you have seen him or that A N Other has?

Bestthingever · 13/01/2017 17:46

I'd call crime stoppers. I have a good friend who is a detective and she says the information they get through crimestoppers from the public is invaluable. You can be anonymous.

EmeraldScorn · 13/01/2017 22:31

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PyongyangKipperbang · 13/01/2017 22:43

Reported Emerald.

That is fucking vile, you disgust me.

Twogoats · 13/01/2017 22:50

If you do report, don't tell ANYONE! Not even your dp!

Sweets101 · 13/01/2017 22:54

If you've got evidence then go to the police. But you can't just rely on another person's word - they will need to speak to the police too.

That's not true!! You can report what you have, it's intell, what they do with it depends on many factors but don't be put of reporting it as you haven't compiled a case for them!

WyfOfBathe · 13/01/2017 23:01

And to be honest I'd rather be a "twat" than a cowardly poisonous little witch!
Telling the police about a crime (or suspected crime) isn't being a witch. It's being a good citizen Hmm

parklives · 13/01/2017 23:04

Op, have you googled him yet?

Charlottelouisa · 13/01/2017 23:26

It sounds like you are jealous of what they have got ?? Why would you do that to your cousin and baby??