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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police and report my cousins DH?

117 replies

Badger84 · 13/01/2017 11:41

More of a WWYD? My cousin married a bloke that had previously been in prison. None of our family know why he was in prison as apparently he doesn't want to discuss his past Confused Now I'm not an expert on the law but it must have been something pretty bad as when he was released he was made to live in accommodation which had a warden and he had to have a curfew each night. He know lives with my cousin in a council flat.

They've had a baby together, neither of them work but they always seem to have really nice things - two cars, massive tv, brand new corner sofa, latest phones, all baby gear is expensive stuff.

He's not a nice bloke generally. Always fighting in town, the way he speaks to my aunty and uncle is vile.

I was told the other day that he is a drug dealer and that the reason why this person knows is because she lives opposite the house where he goes to do his "dealings". He is in and out within 5 mins and apparently this is the house where all the local junkies go to get their gear. At first I thought maybe he was just buying the drugs but now looking at their lifestyle I'm not so sure.

Part of me wants to ring the police and shop him, part of me thinks he's got a baby and that's not fair. So MN - WWYD?

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 13/01/2017 11:59

I'd go down the Crimestoppers route, nice and anonymous. Who knows if the police have heard other stuff too.

Cheeseandwineisprettyfine · 13/01/2017 11:59

Report, there's a child who needs safeguarding

Megatherium · 13/01/2017 12:00

It's nonsense to say that this isn't OP's business. Drug dealing is the business of all of us given the dreadful effects it has.

kierenthecommunity · 13/01/2017 12:01

you can report via crimestoppers, or talk to a local PCSO or similar. if they put an intelligence report in it is sanitised so even other officers wouldn't know who reported it

don't think that 'gossip' counts for nothing, ok, one piece wouldn't, but if other people have reported him and a pattern is emerging it would be enough to potentially get a court warrant to search his address if nothing else

Reality16 · 13/01/2017 12:03

Reality - I wouldn't call it a rumour. No, but the police would. They deal with facts.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 13/01/2017 12:04

Report him. You know where it's happening so the police can watch this house. I know someone who lived opposite a known drug dealer house. I'm pretty sure the police went undercover or watched it and sorted it out.

PickAChew · 13/01/2017 12:04

Having responsibility for a baby is all the more reason to tell crimestoppers what you know. It's not a safe upbringing for that child.

The police may or may not be able to do anything with the information you provide, on its own, but it might just be the missing piece in any evidence they already have on him.

If it turns out he isn't dealing in that house, then the information you give them may still be useful in tracking down and solving other crimes.

Incidentally, if you've had snow, how quickly did that roof clear, compared with others? That house may be a cannabis farm.

prettywhiteguitar · 13/01/2017 12:06

If he's in and out quickly he's picking something up, potentially drugs to sell on. So there could be drugs in his house. If you report him can you get your cousin out ? They might do a drug raid and it will be early am so potentially very upsetting for her.

He may only be going and getting small amounts to sell on which won't be very interesting to the police.

If it were me I would talk to your cousin first and say it's widely known he is a drug dealer and ask her thoughts

Sweets101 · 13/01/2017 12:07

It's the polices job to determine what the facts are, they'll manage to do that perfectly well with OP's bit of info.
You know they have whole "intelligence" departments Shock
Just report it OP and let the police deal how they see fit.

ohfourfoxache · 13/01/2017 12:09

I'd shop him in a heartbeat.

Ok, so the police may not be able to do anything, but you'll know that you'll have done what you could.

But definitely do it anonymously just to be on the safe side, and try to look out for your cousin as much as you are able to

Finola1step · 13/01/2017 12:11

Report the address, activity and name via Crimestoppers.

From your description, the house in question is most likely to be where drugs are being used or collected. Or the men in that house may work for him and he is dropping off what he expects them to sell. Or indeed a combination of all 3.

There is a small child involved.

kierenthecommunity · 13/01/2017 12:11

the police deal with facts but to get a search warrant from court there only has to be reasonable grounds to suspect. the police wouldn't even bother to go to court if it's just one piece of intell but say the OP's info is one piece of 12, then they'd definitely have a good shot

AliceInUnderpants · 13/01/2017 12:13

If he only goes in for 5 minutes a few times a week, it doesn't suggest to me he is dealing. It suggests that he is buying, probably for himself and/or your cousin.
The household purchases sound like a Brighthouse job.

neveradullmoment99 · 13/01/2017 12:13

I dont think i would get involved. Reason being for my own safety. As a relative with a link, how will you keep that quiet. It will come out sooner or later. No way.

neveradullmoment99 · 13/01/2017 12:14

Maybe crimestoppers is the best way. You are then completely anonymous.

Haffdonga · 13/01/2017 12:19

Report him but don't expect anything to actually be done. The police will be well aware that there are drugs being sold and not very interested unless there is a chance of catching the big fish up the chain

Let's face it, you have zero real evidence - so they have nice clothes and big TVs and pop in and out of houses several times a week? A lot of people do that (myself included Confused ) - not enough to instigate a dramatic police raid on cousin's house.

I'd get the neighbour to report the comings and goings in the drug house too, though.

Haffdonga · 13/01/2017 12:20

And yes, I agree it sounds more like a using pattern than a dealing pattern. Most likely both.

datingbarb · 13/01/2017 12:23

You could report but don't expect much to happen

We have a family of drug dealers in the street behind despite hundreds of calls from locals to police & council nothing appears to get done

They don't deal on there own starry they do it in mine, today alone I have counted 8 cars whilst I have been in the kitchen, car pulls up at end of my drive, driver makes a call and couple of minutes later one of the (school age boys) from the family either stroll or ride bike down the alley along side my house passes rigs through window, takes the cash and rides/walks off

This goes on all day and night I even now know the regulars and what times/days they come!

For a single mum of 8 she clearly is making a killing

sarahnova69 · 13/01/2017 12:25

What outcome are you hoping for here? That he goes to prison? That your cousin leaves him? That their baby is protected?

I think you'd be better off telling Social Services, and/or seeing if you can help your cousin leave him. Won't do much good if you shop him and he's found not guilty for lack of evidence, or get a suspended sentence, or the short sentence he'd likely get if he got any at all.

niknok69 · 13/01/2017 12:25

Shop him! Without a doubt. All that say don't, please please think! One day someone might say that about someone who sells these vile vile things to your child.
REPORT HIM

M0stlyHet · 13/01/2017 12:27

I can and have shopped a drug dealer (and they were removed from the house opposite me where they were squatting. I did it anonymously from a public phone box. Police don't just swoop in and arrest on the basis of a complaint - they use it as the start of an investigation. The police officer on the line asked what I'd seen, I said money and small packages being explained, he said did I know they were drugs, I said not for sure, they could have been football swap cards but I rather doubted it, which made him laugh. He then explained they'd use my information to keep an eye on the house for a few weeks, which presumably they did because a few weeks later the dealers disappeared.

They were selling to local 13 and 14 year olds.

Original poster
Badger84 · 13/01/2017 12:27

Haff - ok you have those things but do you work? I know that if I was out of work I would struggle to pay for those things and two cars on benefits Confused

It does make me wonder what he was in prison before for and whether it was drug related

OP posts:
Original poster
Badger84 · 13/01/2017 12:30

Trying to get my cousin to leave him would be near on impossible. She is infatuated with him god knows why

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 13/01/2017 12:30

I would anonymously report this man BUT it does sound as if he's using, not dealing. And the lavish household goods could be nicked - or bought on the never never from catalogues or Bright House.

Your cousin chose to marry this man and have a child with him and you can't really interfere in their relationship, although it's awful knowing someone is married to a wrong 'un. A friend of mine is in a relationship with a man with a chequered past - a few prison sentences for GBH, affray, burglary and possession, 3 kids, none of whom he sees, a reputation for being unpleasant and aggressive - yet she worships him, thinks he's adorable, and definitely doesn't want rescuing.

timeforheroes · 13/01/2017 12:36

Do it anonymously via Crimestoppers if you are concerned, just give them the information you have. 'If' he was in prison for drug related crimes, the police will know of him and no doubt of this house you're talking about.

In our last property we lived on a fairly quiet road, all of a sudden the woman living a few doors down moved her brother in. Suddenly, people were in and out of the house all day and night, never stayed very long.There were a spate of cars broken in to and work vans being done for tools (including my DH). I only noticed the visits to the house as I was on maternity leave. I rang the police as I was sure something was going on and we had a young baby in the house, I didn't need that sort of rubbish on my doorstep. Nothing happened until a few weeks later, we were woken up both shouting and banging. It was a dawn raid on the house. The amount of stuff they brought out of the house was insane. He went to prison for a long time. No regrets from me.